A couple of months after my oneitis unicorn ruined my past life as Billy Beta, I started a new contract job that paid me more than I'd ever been paid before. The team I was in was close-knit and creative, which made us all very comfortable talking out loud about all types of things.

 

I was very much still in the anger phase. I would joke about marriage being awful, about how being single was the only way to be, etc. You might see where this is going.

 

I was originally hired for two weeks and ended up staying just over a year. In that time, I had many conversations with the people in charge about the chances of being hired as a full-time employee. They knew I was interested. In the end, they gave me some excuse about how there was no budget to keep me on, or how they were restructuring the team, or other such deflections. I felt like there was more to it but never could back that up.

 

This weekend I met up with a buddy from that job. He just had his fiance leave him for her boss after an 8 year relationship, but that's a story for another day. As the beer flowed, we got more honest with each other about things and he told me he knew why they didn't hire me. I pressed and pressed until he gave up and just said one word: "misogynistic."

 

It all made sense immediately. I told him that I had a similar story to his and was angry at women at the time. He understood but he told me the obvious thing - "keep your cards closer to your chest." Which got me thinking about Law 38: Think as you like, but behave like others.

 

Challenging people's beliefs only serves to isolate you. They will feel personally attacked and do whatever it takes to protect themselves and/or defeat you. It's pointless to argue, especially in the workplace. You will only offend people by not agreeing with them and how they choose to live their lives.

 

Don't do what I did. There are many ways to shit where you eat and this is one of them. It's been said a million times here before, but when you go to work just shut up and work. I've learned a big lesson from this, at the cost of a high-paying, low-stress job that would have set me up for the rest of my life. Hope it can at least help someone else not make the same mistake.