this mindset is so stupid. Blaming other people for your problems is not the same thing as absolving yourself from personal responsibility or accountability. How can you diagnose and treat anything without first finding the cause. OP, your attitude is not new and I've heard it several times from many other people, it goes against common logic and problem solving. We SHOULD have a higher standard for parenting and we should apply it to ourselves when we have children. the only reason your at a liberty to say something stupid like this is because being a shitty parent isn't criminal, and it really should be.

Having no father figure is better than having a narcisistic bully for one. I only started to transition into manhood in my late twenties, he did a good job of keeping my mother, sister and me weak and dependant on him. One cannot fight narcisism with just methods, you have to use their own methods against them. You have to defile yourself by using against them the same methods they used to subjugate you. the most powerful of all is to expose them for the lying filth they are, always have a device on the ready to document their schemes.

I am today nearly impossible to fool or lie to. I see it a mile away due to constantly trying to stay a few steps ahead of his schemes since primary school, if i didnt constantly try and outthink him id find myself in a usually humiliatinh situation. Learning that i owe this advantage to adapting to his malevolence is a point of conflicting pride and utter disgust for me, as i no only want to be nothing like him but am also unwilling to give him credit for any part of my being.

In the end i know im not like him because i cant deny that i love him, but i will never trust him enough to tell him that and i cant ever show him. He thinks i cant be fucked with anymore but if he were to know how i really feel he would see me as a potential victim again. Ill piss on his grave some day, well i probably wont and have a drink instead. I dont want revenge anymore, i want emotional indifference, partly because thats what i know a narcisist dreads and partly because he is the only part of my life where i struggle to control my emotions. Namely anger and disgust.

My need to be my fathers polar opposite drove me directly toward stoicism, if i knew anything it was that to become a man i needed only to be vastly different to my father. That mean taking personal responsibility in life

Dude your wrong.. im not saying blame your failures on your dad but most likely if your a beta your dads a beta.. this is because biologically your father is supposed to show you how to be a man and role the tribe. Its somewhat his fault

Signed: somebody that didnt have a shitty or alcoholic loser father

You aren't owed anything. Good post.

Except it is, childhood experiences define adulthood, multiple studies on it

I get the point you're trying to make but you are being unrealistic here. Some things are objectively other people's fault and that's true and that's okay. It's their fault but now it's your responsibility to get what you want. It might be their fault but that should not be an excuse for present shit behaviour.
Their fault, your responsibility.

I’ll admit that I’m a bit triggered by this post. I do blame my father for walking out on my verbally and physically abusive mother. I do blame my father for never stopping my brother from beating me to an inch of my life and threatening to kill me every day while I was a child and even up until my teens. I’m 25 now and married and I promised myself that I would never do to my children what my father did to me and that was to let a child live in fear every day because he had no one to trust because the people who said they loved him verbally and physically abused him.

OP I’m sure you’ve said this with some good intentions but up until a certain point in life we are the product of our environment and surrounding influencers.

Pure alpha dad rarely teaches anything. They gave you their dna and its usually enough. My dad was a 6' 2 pure alpha, if I turned out to be a 5 10 beta fuck it's not his fault.

This is Boomerposting incarnate.

Boomers absolve themselves from their responsibilities in regards to raising their children, realise the resultant manchild is fucked up, then push shit like this to make it seem like its not their fault, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps kiddo".

Don't fall victim to it, don't be a whiny manchild, forever blaming his loserdom on external forces, but also don't expect the same results as someone who grew up with a strong, supportive father figure/family unit. (at least in the short term)

"Go out and fuck it up until you figure it out" best advice there is.

A wise man once told me that if you want to be a real man, you make everything your fault.

If everything is your fault, everything is by your doing, which means if you screwed things up, you have the power to make them right.

When you give away the blame, you give away the control. They caused all your problems, hence they have the jurisdiction over your life, your fate is up to them and out of your control.

You want all the shit in your life to be your fault. Because that way you’re in control.

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This post gave me a much-needed kick up the backside.

My dad was inattentive and I never had a positive masculine role model growing up. As a result I became a feminised BP'd mummy's boy.

However, instead of being bitter and resentful I instead acquired a positive sense of masculinity through internet communities like The Red Pill. Slowly but surely, I started transitioning from a mummy's boy to a respectable man. The transition is still ongoing, as it always will be, but ever since I started accepting responsibility for myself and the consequences of my actions my life got a damn sight better

People in the comments still making excuses, fuck that!! be glad it happened to you, now your here, learning where you went wrong, how to turn your life around and be a better man... Ever hear the phrase, " it is what it is?"

We now have the luxury of long lives to correct things. In the past if you didn't have a father figure to teach you crutial life skills like hunting and self defense it was a death sentence. Trp puts down beta males for raising someone else's kids but I think we may owe them credit for saving a lot of lives. Alphas go to war and die or killed in an accident and the betas held civilization together.

To further extrapolate on "he didn't hand you the torch because he didn't have it in the first place": furthermore there is not one torch but 1.000.000 torches and he's surely passed you atleast to many to remember and acknowledge. You're also gonna make mistakes in raising a child. Better to focus on the things you're gratefull for in regards to your parents then to play the blame game.

As a man who thouth that had swallowed the pill, thank you, I needed this words.

I think a corollary to this: stop letting the headwinds cloud all of the benefits u were given in life. Everyone has had a different hand dealt and its all too common for people to dwell on their misfortunes in life instead of all of the leg-ups they've recieved: being healthy, living in a first world country, not enduring war or famine, etc. Once we start appreciating our tailwinds in life, we can start to let that negative shit go and take better control our lives.

Makes me thinking about my father now, who died 2 years ago. Yes I blame him for for some things, just like I blame my over protective mother who injected a lot of anxiety and nice guy syndrome into me...but they are no excuse anymore. It took me a while, I'm in the second half of life now, and I still struggle with being mister nice guy and my procrastination, but I changed from a 134kg couch potato that had trouble getting his beer crates up the stairs to 72kg muscular guy (ok, still room to improve), I am an ex alcoholic, dry for 636 days in a row as of today, I can handle my depression much better, and I just dumped my 21yo girlfriend, she was bitching too much. I am 53, and age is no excuse either.

I don't think it's so much about blame as it is about recognizing the situation and obstacles we face that guys who grew up with functional fathers just don't.

Every single boy that grew up into a functional and mentally healthy man has had SOME form of male figure in their lives to offer guidance. If it wasn't a father, it was a grandfather or an uncle or a stepdad or a teacher or a Karate grand dragon... someone... EVERY SINGLE SUCCESS STORY of a "fatherless man" has a hidden male figure in the story. If you look, you will find. From Bill Clinton to Mike Tyson.

I'm all for the inspirational positive-talk, but we must not mislead men to think that they are magicians who can overnight turn gold into shit or shit into gold. There's no magicians out there.

I think it is.

Your mum teaches you how to treat women.

Your dad teaches you how to get women.

Knowing just one of these has devastating consequences that you only find out when it’s too late.

Very well said! So much truth here. I know a lot of women with Princess mentality that ...this really applies! Constantly cry to me about their bullshit crappy lives that they've created, and blame others for. They feel everything is just happening to them and they deserve better. The reality is the life they have created by shitty choices they make. They think they're entitled to an amazing life and situation they have not earned. Male or female, nobody is entitled to shit!!! We have to earn what we get! I grew up with an extremely narcissistic feminist mom that insisted she is not feminist. (Sad thing is she doesn't realize she is) I've been happily married for over 21 years now. I've learned how not to treat men from watching her. I work for everything and expect nothing! I am no better than the next guy or girl out there! If you want something to change you have to change it yourself. If we're not challenged we cannot change.

Everyone in this thread needs to pick up: “As A Man Thinketh” James Allen

Your dad's job is done as long as he puts a roof in your head, and gives you life. I totally agree with what you are saying. They try their best, don't think that you are smarter than them in any way. Nobody would pay for your phone, nobody would pay for your school but your parents. Ask a friend for $3000 borrow, and see his response. His job is done, as long as he put a sperm and raised you (hopefully). Adult life should be when you develop yourself by finding whats missing inside your universe by reading books, watching, training, EXPERIENCING for the most part

Mine happens to be in .308.

Friendly-fire in 'Nam?

I agree 100%. It can be your father, your first love who broke your heart, society, other races, other genders or dry skin. The first big step anyone makes is when you turn the finger pointing at outside forces and aim it inside. Good post.

100% truth. Look up "Extreme Ownership" by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.

Don’t use it as an excuse, don’t whine, don’t bitch. But the knowledge and confirmation that he really was a piece if shit, once fully understood and truly realised, I think is the essential step to letting go of the past and the first step to becoming a real man.

It takes hard work, constant dedication and rededication, and a lot of sacrifice to be a good father. After an exhausting 9-10 hour grind at work, a shitty dad sits in front of the TV, drinks a beer, and focuses on himself. A good dad forgets about his own problems, and chooses to instead sacrifice himself to invest in his children. A shitty dad gets a terrible woman pregnant and runs for the hills. A good dad stays and fights to make sure that his kids will grow up with at least one stable and successful parent. A shitty dad teaches you how to give up and blame the world; A good dad teaches you how to fight and overcome it.

After having my first child a year ago, I realize why there are so many shitty dads out there. Being a shitty dad is just EASIER than being a good one. You don't have to personally sacrifice. You don't have to invest your time, energy, or money. You can just ignore this new human who desperately needs your help to reach their full potential, turn on Netflix, and pass the buck to them. I have the feeling that a lot of fathers have done that in recent generations, and it's going to be up to us to, as John Mayer put it, "clean up the mess [they] made".

A word of advice to those of us who were either fatherless or had a shitty dad: You probably weren't the first one in your family with a shitty dad, but you can be the last. Put in the time. Sacrifice the energy. Invest the money. It's easy to sit around and blame our shitty sperm donors for not doing all they could to help us, but if we don't do all that we can to help our own children, then we're no better. Get over your dad's weaknesses, forgive him for his folly, and move on towards being the dad that you always wanted to your own children.

It wasn’t my fucking fault she cheated on him and lied to cover it up. I was just letting him know her true colors, he should be fucking thanking me.

I think the important thing here is to learn what’s possible to learn from your father - like anyone - and recognize he can’t teach you all of life’s skills, because like you, he is just another flawed person.

My father taught me many important lessons, but he was passive, shit with money, and had no health sense, so these were things I had to learn on my own. But my father taught me how to properly think about politics and the media to avoid being cucked, he taught me how to work hard and grind when I need to, and he taught me the intrinsic value of a sense of humour, etc.

We can’t go expecting everyone to be perfect examples to their sons. Father’s are important but learn from them what ty have to teach and respect them for it. Like others have said, never even think about using them as an excuse though.

Had a father that didn’t know how to be a man, joined the Army when I was 17 and was actually given good examples of how a man is supposed to behave.

Examples are still productive, maybe it’s not impossible to embody TRP without one but it’s definitely not as quick or easy.

We’re a generation of men raised by women.

Blame is such an easy trap to fall into.

My father provided an excellent example of exactly what NOT to do. His failure as a father lead me to the path I'm on now.

I thank him for that. Life is good.

I started growing much better once I understood where certain problems came from. Yes, it's good to move forward and take responsibility. But it can be very valuable to identify what you do and why. Particularly if you have interest in being a father

If you don't think good parenting matters, you're a moron. Plain and simple.

"forge them into triumphs" sounds like gladiator

Well, actually it is largely his fault in a lot of ways, but it's not anything I can't overcome and I'm done complaining about it.

I think a better message is that if your parents fucked you up, you can still overcome it, but only if you quit bitching about it and focus on bettering yourself.

It's fair enough going through the anger after realising how stupid our very recent forefathers were and how we were willingly sold down the river. It's pretty bad.

But it's all just another shit test and we all know what that's all about.

My favorite saying about this sort of thing is "Someone had to teach Albert Einstein basic math."

While it's most likely your father's fault that you are a failure, it's your fault if you keep being one.

It's the very basic concept of forgiveness, wrongs cannot be undone, either rot in anger and frustration or let go, because that's the only productive choice.

This inspires me. I'm 22 and only recently have been setting TRP theories in my head. I've been blaming my father for not teaching me how to be a man. Your words on saying that "he never had the torch to begin with" really shook and settled within me. I'm still in the process of transitioning to become a better version of myself (currently in the process of curing my onetitis, increasing my SMV, and figuring out how to stabilize financially). Although it's a long fucking tunnel, I've been seeing little glimmers of light. Thank you for this post.

My father is why I sucked before age 21. After that it was my fault. But now I can take credit for fixing that.

If you didnt have a strong father, you probably had some other father figure in your life. Maybe it was another family member, maybe it was some of the members of trp (which is only weird if you make it weird). My point is, there are father figures all over society.

My dad was a father figure, but I didnt solely learn what it takes to be a man from him. A lot of that I picked up from my grandfathers, my friends, some of my school teachers teachers, television, etc. We live in an age where information is easily accessible. This is not caveman times where everything you learn would come from immeadiate family. Actually even in caveman times, you could pick up a lot of this from your tribe. Stop being a victom. Being Bp is a choice.

Why would you blame your father for what YOU are not?

Take me f.e. I barely know my father and he literally told me nothing exept what a man has NOT to be like. So i do stuff on my own. Like i learned shaving with YouTube tutorials. Just adabt to your situation and take it as and learn the stuff real men do on your own....

Speaking as someone who started out with jack shit, I'll tell you even more: be grateful that your dad didn't pass you the torch, that the people around you are shitting on you for being a man, etc. etc. Why? Because once you've conquered your dreams despite all this, at least you can look back at your past and think "I did this." without wondering "Could I've done this without the help of X or Y?" Now that's a fucking privilege.

Most men suck. There are some who you can learn a lot from. The chances that your father is one of them are very slim.

I've had a few father figures in my life who taught me some valuable lessons. None of them were my father. You can find everything you need out there if you get up and live your life.

I recommend the oft-mentioned Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. This post talks about one of the things mentioned in the book.

Also, the post could be titled better. Maybe it's your father's fault you suck, maybe not. But he can't fix it for you.

I agree that lack of fatherly influence shouldn't be an excuse for not talking to girls, but fatherlessness is actually a serious problem, especially with inner city youth.

Young men growing up without a father (usually because they have been incarcerated, at least in the case of big cities or immigrants) are more likely to commit robbery and violent crime. Taking the problem of fatherlessness seriously is in all our benefits.

There’s an expiry date on blaming those who raised us.

Been wondering how to break it to my lil brother for a long time. Thanks for the combo of good words.

To some extent it does. Saying blatantly generalizing stuff and adding the forge your own fucking path at the end is a bit too simple.

One of my Gunnys told me this the other day, “you create all your own problems.”

At first I tried to think of all the situations that chance can be blamed for whatever current situation i happen to be dealing with.

Then I realized it makes more sense to take it as a motto for the future. Do what you can now to mitigate problems that may arise. No amount of planning is gonna give me a perfect run but constantly working towards perfection is the only way to live.

Having your father around only reserves you on time for some life lessons. Everything else is up to you.

I agree with most of what you’re saying. On one hand, taking matters into one’s own hands is a pillar of masculinity. On the other, it is a lot easier for us to forgive our fathers because we have this surrogate, alpha male father called TheRedPill that guides us towards the right path.

We can’t say that men from past generations without the internet could afford to have a weakling, deadbeat father, because that was possibly a man’s only role model in life. In that case, I would understand if a man were absolutely hateful of his beta schlump of a father. Knowing how to deal with women, from shit tests to their perverse tendencies to avoid all kinds of responsibility isnt something that a man with average IQ would naturally think of. Let’s not forget the reason why many of us are here is because we had no idea how the fuck women’s brains work. Back then, a father that didn’t teach his son TRP principles automatically denied him the ability to live a successful life with women.

This is some good stuff here. You’re getting to the core of maturity, masculinity, and adulthood, which is great. It’s hard not to ignore that our mothers and fathers have an extremely heavy hand on who we become, there’s way too much psychological evidence to say otherwise. So, it’s pretty easy to blame our parents, I used to be that way. Our parents gave us wounds that we have to wrestle with for the rest of our lives. But it’s important to recognize that they are our wounds and no one else’s. Unfair? Sure, I didn’t sign up for a lot of the bullshit and complexes my parents gave me, but it’s a fact of life. It’s a universal truth we all have to deal with. The sign of a strong, mature person, someone who can lead men, etc., is the one who takes ownership of these wounds, understands them, and knows their pitfalls. “Know thyself”, as they say. Someone who understands their wounds and is strong enough to address them, is a quality human being in my opinion.

This is a great post. It reminds me of whenever I blamed the world for all my problems instead of accepting responsibility. I bet a lot of us can relate.

I always blamed my mother and father for raising my poorly. I was always met with their harsh criticism and little of their love. I use to believe that IF they had done a better job of raising me I wouldn't be so scared, so insecure, so submissive. I hated them for a long time while growing up throughout high school and even a little bit of college. Are they to blame? Somewhat.

But then I stopped blaming them, and accepted that I am partly responsible. What have I done to remedy this? I have no control over the past, no control over what they feel, what they will do. The only thing that is within my control, is me. How many times I lift, how many books I read, how many hours I put into school/work/relationships.

Once I started to look deep down and begin to work on myself. Things got much easier. My self esteem is higher, I'm more confident in communicating and my actions as well. I have forgiven my parents, it's easy to let go instead of holding a grudge that'll get you nothing.

But Bitter it is my dads fault I'm like this, he made me into who I am!

No, you let someone else do your job, and they fucked it up. If you want something done right do it yourself.

No one should blame their fathers for everything, yes. But If one acknowledges his weaknesses caused by lack of father figure, you can not judge him. You can not just give couple of paragraphs like this to motivate people and eepect them to fill the holes that their father did not fill.

And blaming your father is not, of course fucking not, on equal grounds with blaming ex-girlfriend or mother. Thats why you did not understand the importance of father figure, and thats why your post is shit.

Instead or blaming others just embrace the suck of certain life experiences. We're not meant to coast as beings until 80 wrapped up in a bubble of non conflict and easy pleasures.

I was listening to a Rogan podcast where he chats about how it's good to experience heart break early in life - to lower your expectations and realise what people really are. He shares a multitude of experiences from his early years which would 'red pill' most nice guys. At 50 y/o him and his guest just laugh them away.

When you do 'get over' whatever pain you've gone throufh you'll be thankful for the lessons you learned and in some way pity those who are still naive.

I blame myself and no one else for any action that was under my control, regardless of the person at fault. Disappointed on oneself hits harder than on others. So that way I try to better myself next time.

Easier said than done.

Look, I get it-- you can't keep going back to blaming a shitty dad for everything bad that happens to you. At some point, you have to take over the reins of your life and steer you in the direction you want to go.

But when some dads fuck up, they fuck up BAD. Mine left my mom when I was 4. He had weekend visitation rights, and I practically worshiped the ground he walked on. He was on the nerdy side, being a programmer at the time, but I was into that too and he taught me a lot about it. Plus there was the proverbial playing catch in the yard and talking about life. But right around the time I hit middle school-- the time in a young man's life when he really NEEDS a father to guide him through the shitty early stages of puberty, my dad was locked up for molesting my step sister. He didn't get out until after I graduated. By then, I'd basically disowned him. All during his imprisonment, I got to see fathers with their kids at football games and other activities. I had to make up the shitty excuses like "He lives in (any other state)" when asked where he was. I had my mom to rely on for all those questions of life a teenager has, and while I love my mother dearly, we all know that they are deficient when it comes to raising boys on their own.

I'm 40-something now, and I know I own the responsibility for how I live this second half of my life, but I can't help but stop on occasion and think about how much more the first part of my life could have been better if I had a male presence and influence on it.

You got shot by a .308? So 7.62, so AK-47? Ouch

Not Blaming others for your situation is the first step. The second step is forgiving them (or at least letting go that someone owed you something).

At the end of the day it's only you that is capable of achieving what you want from life

Well from personal exp i found my own way but took me a lot of time i am 28 atm,and i think i lost many opportunities.If dad had helped a bit i would have found out how things work much younger.But that's fine though.I don't blame him.

So. fucking. what.

Only you are responsible for your own success

This is what most need to understand, but now let's not underestimate or undervalue what happens in our homes, there's solid evidence on how parenting affects us, how and why parents are our role models and why they should exist and be there. I was raised by my grandmother I rarely saw my parents as they were working to maintain a "comfortable" live style so I understand, but I just wish I had a family before a life-style. Your parents are to blame, perhaps, but no one told them how to be parents they just did the best they could and you little shit are the end result, so what are you doing now?. Yes it is naive to think that other people decisions/actions doesn't affect you at all, and It's true but fuck that, be a fucking man, just acknowledge that yeah other people might be to blame but don't dwell on it, stop being a pussy.

The same goes for school, this was my the second realization, there's a fucking problem with school that's almost a fucking scam but fuck them, stop crying over how your teachers suck or how society makes it hard, take responsibility for your own fucking education. Today I'm almost out of college and everything I know it's thanks to what I learned by myself, fuck teachers, fuck school, work for yourself.

TAKE FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

One must take Extreme Ownership and responsibility for their own life.

Stop blaming external sources; own it and work on it.

The blame game is played by those who want to get the load off their shoulders, not those seeking for the next road to walk on. And you can witness that effect in both individual and societal scale.