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- Hide Preview | 456 Comments | submitted about a year ago by needsomehelp3211 [Post Locked]

Summary: You CANNOT win over a woman by giving her expensive shit, even (especially) your SO or wife. Not only is it ineffective, it will decrease her respect for you.

There's been a lot of discussion in the manosphere about value and how to demonstrate it. Many men, unfortunately, mistake what this means and what it entails. "Demonstrate value?" they ask. "Well, I'm an engineer working at Amazon making $120,000, I have super duper value right??? Now how to demonstrate it... I know, I'll buy my woman lots of things so she knows I have value and I love her."

Stop.

Wrong.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200 (in fact you'll be losing a lot more than that in child support payments soon). It is true that money does make a woman more likely to sleep with a man, but if you want any respect or actual attraction from her, you have to demonstrate it in ways that shows your value is for YOU. Not her. You.

Think I'm joking around? Read what happens to the guy who didn't learn this lesson. Full thread here.

Fair warning, the original post is pretty long:

Ten years ago I thought I had the perfect life. Upper six-figure job, beautiful wife, clean house, two new cars, and a child on the way. My job made me happy and I was good at it, and the stability was great. My wife loved me for me and ignored my flaws as I tried to perfect them. In return, I adored her and we seemed to be the perfect couple. People would always compliment us, and talk about how envious they were of our relationship and everything.

It kept getting better. I kept getting promotions, the kids (now 3) were born, and we eventually moved from an ordinary house to an incredibly nice one. My wife was doing very well in her career (optometrist), and we took fun vacations every year. Again, I thought I had it made.

I don't know how this would have prompted it, but in early 2015, I bought her a Tesla, for her birthday. She hadn't gotten a new car since 2008, and I kept getting new cars, therefore I surprised her. She loved it, loved me, and I remember spending that entire day just taking rides in it and figuring out how all of the gadgets and icons worked.

It was complete downhill from there. I don't know how that would have triggered anything, but in the months following, she became increasingly distant from not only me, but our children. My oldest (10, F) in particular, felt hurt by this and would often try to ensue conversations with her mother, in order to get her talking. Some days this would work and she would be pleasant, others it would have the opposite effect.

The first time I suspected that I was no longer her man of choice was in July 2016 when I noticed she was no longer going to yoga classes, but telling me she was. We were on the same phone plan, and part of that plan was we could see our locations of our phones. I was routinely browsing the app one day, and noticed she appeared to be at someone's house. Since she had been irrationally angry that day prior to leaving, I didn't question her about it when she got home from "yoga." Instead, I chose to closely observe where she went during her "yoga" times. It would always seem to end up at the same house - a well-off neighborhood (probably a step above ours) a little north of town.

I was getting ready to confront her when I noticed that she had been returning to yoga again. During this period, she became incredibly distant, and hormonal. My entire family had noticed this behavior going on for over a year now, but I had had enough. I sat her down, and asked her what was going on. She gave me the cold shoulder, and when I questioned her about the yoga locations, she accused me of stalking, invading privacy, and being a "grade-A dick."

That's when I asked her: "are you cheating on me?" Of course, the answer was no. What followed in the weeks to come was distrust, hatred, and plain anger towards me. It was clear she knew I had caught on, and was now trying to play the "I-can't-believe-you'd-think-this" victim card. But I knew. I saw through it all.

When she finally admitted she had seen and slept with another man, that's when I made my mistake. I forgave her. She told me she loved me, she loved our family, and in that moment, I believed her. I thought she could change. I was wrong.

We tried marriage therapy. We tried taking adult days. It seemed to work. We were happy, and she was genuinely having fun and it seemed like I had the old her back. I was relieved, this allowed me to pour more time into my kids and my work, and have less stress overall.

My business trip to San Diego (I live on the East Coast, USA) was cut short when my colleague fell ill, and our clients insisted that we reschedule. It was a hassle, but I we caught the next flight out, and returned home.

I'm not sure why I didn't tell her I was coming home, but I just didn't. Maybe I wanted it to be a surprise? The only surprise I received when I pulled into the driveway was seeing a Ford SUV in my garage, and finding not one, but TWO men in my bed. With my wife.

This all happened yesterday. I'm finally putting it into words. My wife started babbling when it happened, desperately trying to explain. I heard none of it. I walked out of my room, went to the basement, and poured myself a drink. I could hear the men upstairs leaving, and when I returned upstairs, it was my wife sitting there, clothed, with a sad smile on her face.

She started talking, but I wouldn't have it. I told her to get out. I told her to get out of my house. I informed her that I'd get her stuff to her by the end of the week. She tried to pull the "what-about-the-kids" bullshit, but I was just done. I'm sad, but not for her. I'm sad for my kids, and I'm sad for whatever poor soul she meets next.

I will fight hard for my kids, but my biggest fear is losing them. I know the court will rule incredibly in favor of mothers. I hope they realize that I've spent the last three years doing my best to mend a broken marriage for my family, and nothing has worked.

Let's dissect this from a RedPill perspective.

1) Upper six figure job, which means basically millionaire. Someone may look at this and think that alone means this guy's the ultimate alpha male. Well... turns out that isn't the case. Money means nothing if you're an orbiter and provider at heart. It just makes you a fatter golden goose in the eyes of your woman.

2) Bought her a Tesla as a surprise (ie spent >$100,000 grand). Gentlemen, this kind of gift giving does not have the effect you think it will have. It doesn't bring her closer to you or cement your love, it actually diminishes her attraction. Women are binary. There are men who make their panties tingle, and men who make their purses tingle. You CANNOT be both, even though it's a nice pie-in-the-sky dream to be that perfect man. OP found out the hard way. The Tesla just hammered in his status as a subservient provider.

3) "Couples' therapy". Honestly, by the time you even get to the point where someone utters these words, the war is lost. First of all most therapists are women and will be actively sabotaging the therapy sessions. Secondly therapy is just talking. And if there's one thing that dries up a woman's vagina faster than a gob of spit in the Sahara, it's a man trying to beg and "discuss" his way into her heart. You cannot negotiate attraction.

The way to show value through money is to spend it on yourself. Buy yourself some dope shit show it off. By a Tesla for you. Wear the most expensive brands if you feel like it. But above all else, make sure she gets the point that you're doing it selfishly and that she has to earn every penny you bestow upon her.

TL;DR: Demonstrating value does not mean showering somebody with gifts and attention. It means showering YOURSELF with gifts and attention and showing that you're #1.