Summary: Examples of personal and LTR transformation after two years of internalizing the truth and practicing the wisdom shared in the Manosphere.
Body: Background: I am early 40’s, in an LTR with a woman close to my age, let’s call her Woman. Three children. We divorced and separated for a few years somewhere in the middle, then reconciled. I was ready to leave again due to frustration from lack of sex, when I discovered TRP two years ago, read extensively, and went to work. Lifting and improving my SMV, practicing dread, identifying and passing shit tests, setting goals, kicking ass, building and maintaining a worthy frame.
And thanks to you brilliant bastards, everything is dramatically improved, and I feel enormous gratitude for those who have shown me the way (in the absence of a knowledgeable father). Some examples to illustrate the difference:
Before: I was like “Spreadsheet Husband,” the guy who kept track of the (lack of) sexual contact with his wife. Once a month was routine, sometimes twice, sometimes skip a month…
After: I still keep track, using a period-tracker app (which I highly recommend to anyone in an LTR). Frequency increased slowly over many months of practice, then we had a breakthrough into a whole new frame, averaging 10-12x per month, which satisfies me at this stage of my busy life.
Before: Always wanting sex, always frustrated, always scheming to find a way to get her in a good mood (ha!), to make everything good and right so she would be willing to have sex. Always trying to negotiate desire, then being butthurt and cold to her when she resisted or I couldn’t make it happen.
After: When I want sex, I go to Woman and grab her, I smack her ass and show her my uncontrollable desire for her. I put her body and her hands where I want them. I tune into what I want and I give/take it.
Before: When the rare sex did happen, I was always trying to make it amazing and give her lots of orgasms so she would want to have more sex in the future (ha!). Always a romantic, thinking about what she wants and trying to please.
After: I focus on what I want and don’t overly concern myself with her pleasure – I tune into the dominant/submissive nature of sex and express myself. I tell her what to do. It is Very Clear that she enjoys sex a lot more this way, with a passionate masculine beast ravishing her. Sometimes, usually around her ovulation window, she signals that she wants more attention, and I take care of her until she begs me to stop.
Before: Trying to warm her up, be sweet and talkative, sharing, sad as she pulls away, covers up, isn’t interested.
After: Close the door and lock it (keep the kids out), smile at her with a lion’s hungry gaze, pull the pants away that she is trying to put on, push her on the bed, tease her, do what I want.
Before: I would show her my feelings and vulnerabilities, share my problems and challenges at work, share confusion and exasperation about the kids’ issues. Try to be Human and get her to love me for my genuine communication and tenderness.
After: I am a rock. I am a man with a Mission. I set goals and persevere and celebrate my achievements. Woman only hears of the problems I have solved, maybe my plans to attack future challenges. I am the Father, confident, wise, disciplined, stoic. I do my research and look for help and answers from trusted sources. And while I enjoy discussing our children with Woman and gain from her insight (thankfully she is a good mother), I show only strength and my joy in being a man, husband, and father to her.
Before: “Sorry.” I said the word all the time, explained myself, justified my actions and feelings.
After: It took months of watching like a hawk, and now I only apologize when I judge that I have caused harm to someone and wish to express sincere regret. Otherwise, I do not explain myself, I often simply tune into amused mastery and enjoy mysterious silence. I carefully watch to avoid justifying or rationalizing any actions I take – rather I choose actions and words deliberately and stand tall when Woman or other people shit test me. [I carefully policed my thoughts and words to break these habits. Every time I hear the word ‘sorry’ escape my lips, I stop and analyze if it was warranted. Usually it is not, and then I plan out a better course for the next time such a situation arises.]
[Aside: the importance of the words we use in our thoughts and speech cannot be overestimated. To provide examples, instead of ‘sorry’ I may say: “It’s too bad that happened…” “Hmmm….” “I regret that [describe what happened]” “Oops.” (Silence and a knowing look).
Before: Taking her moods seriously, trying to fix the disagreeable ones and encourage their opposite.
After: Focusing on myself and my mission. Her moods are the weather in the background. Not only am I not concerned about her moods, I actively welcome the emotional rollercoaster she may ride if we have conflict. I simply stay true to myself and what I believe is right (which may change if she shares information or insight), and I know that the passion in our relationship is recharging from the tension. I smile knowing we will be having great sex later, rather than feeling anxious and frustrated that her upset emotional state means no sex now.
Before: Being angry about the imbalance of sexual desire. Wishing she would initiate, or at least give signs that she is interested in sex with me. Frustrated that it wasn’t like before, when we were dating…
After: Embracing the role of the man and taking initiative whenever I feel like it, expecting her submission. Understanding that sexual tension/excitement is optimized when I am dominant and she submits to me.
[Note: My thorough bluepill, feminine-centric programming dictated that I see her as a perfectly-equal being, like myself in every way except genitalia. Following the “Golden” (Blue) Rule, I continuously judged my actions toward her in light of how I would want to be treated, dedicated to doing what was “right” and, God Forbid, never dominating her, shitlord. It is remarkable how much our sex improved through this transformation, how liberating it has been. And how clear it is to me that she loves the feeling of being submissive to a real man doing what he wants - she tells me she is happier than ever.]
Before: Always stressed about money and trying to get her to spend less. Expecting an equal partner and getting extremely upset about our struggling finances. Frequently went against my gut when trying to please her/negotiate desire.
After: Separated our money and took charge of my income. Earned a generous raise in 2015 and am generating income from work on the side. I accept and embrace that I am 100% responsible for my financial situation, and I no longer enable her spending. I am unconcerned about her emotional response to my financial decisions, and her behavior has shifted to fit the new container I have created.
Before: Taking her shit seriously, often judgmental or thoughtful and wanting to teach her or help her. Wanting her to be different.
After: Not saying much, no point. I have fun listening, watching how she works. AWALT. I am playful or stoic as appropriate, and she is much happier with a strong man who can listen without being emotionally thrown-off. From my perspective, this is a short and mysterious life, and I find her very fascinating and enjoyable now that I understand her nature and have no expectations of her to be something she’s not.
Before: Asking “if it’s cool” if I go do something at night or with friends, trying not to upset her, thanking her if I did go, probably apologizing after for the inconvenience. Never mentioning other women/girls.
After: I tell her when I plan to go out and leave the details as vague as possible. I express my enthusiasm for going out and doing things with other people, with no hint of concern that it may affect her. I prioritize the gym and the court. I will share stories of other girls/women in my life, building SMV and dread (the lifeblood of an LTR).
Before: Asking her questions about how I can help her in the kitchen or with some other task. Show her how supportive and helpful I am, negotiating my covert contract for sex.
After: I look with discerning eyes and take care of shit – empty the trash, carve the chicken, etc., then I spank her and go work on my mission. I am here when she needs help, her rock, not her girlfriend.
Before: “I love you” all the time. Mad inside when she didn’t say it often enough or when I thought she should. Believing she would want to hear my eternal love professed; giving her what I wanted. Negotiating attraction.
After: Hard Rule: I Never Say It First. I show her, a physical expression, a passionate intimacy and domination of her being. Now I often hear the words spoken in the breathless tone I longed for in my previous life. I smile knowingly and return the words. [Note: I respond, “I love you.” Rather than, “I love you, too” because it removes the implication that I am saying it as a polite response. My frame is to look into her eyes and say it with intensity and meaning, responding to her need for security by projecting the essence of masculine strength and protection. And sometimes I don’t say anything, just grab her clothes and pull her to me, or tease her if it is said light heartedly.]
Before: Believing in the karmic, soul-mate, “love me for who I am” Hollywood fantasy and thinking Woman had similar romantic feelings, along with valuing loyalty, sacrifice, integrity and honor.
After: Knowing my (perceived) SMV must be and stay higher than hers, that she is gone in a heartbeat, a moment of (perceived) weakness. Embracing my aloneness, knowing she can only love me for how I make her feel in this moment. Bittersweet and poetic, for Woman there is only the now, her satisfaction based on her perception of her man’s status and frame in each moment. While things are mostly awesome after the Transformation, AWALT and it’s only working because I am doing the work.
Before: Fear of losing her, of fucking it up, of her finding some other great guy, of not keeping my family together, wanting it to work with the mother of my kids. Not confronting her over disagreements in parenting. Oneitis.
After: Fuck that, I am awesome and getting awesomer. I know there are many women, younger and more attractive than her, swooning at the thought of a man like me (Dominant, Confident, and armed with the Truth). Abundance mentality - I’m happy to keep her around as long as she behaves and is submissive, charming, respectful. I tease her about other women and cultivate dread. I challenge and encourage her to be the best parent she can, rather than thinking she automatically knows best as the mother.
It is clear: living by the principles of true gender dynamics gives the best results for the man, woman and children in the family. The righteous path of the red-pill-aware, mission-focused, disciplined man can result in a healthy, satisfying relationship. Of course, AWALT, and mate selection is difficult and critical. I feel fortunate in this regard.