Saw a post earlier and it brought me back to this.

How many of you are familiar with the classic ideology of becoming, “a good man” then finding a woman?

That, as portrayed by media and old time belief systems, is not necessarily how it works. My father is a prime example.

My Father had me when he was 20 years old, which is extremely young, and my family doesn’t come from money. Shit was tough, but he said if it weren’t for my mother and I, he would’ve never gotten his shit straight.

Meaning, he was into all kinds of shit, he’s probably the biggest douchebag I know, but he’s kind as hell, and he’s a great man for his actions, not his attitude at all times. He isn’t afraid to give anyone shit, and he doesn’t take shit to heart. He’s a big guy, he’s put an off duty cop into a hospital at a wine festival because he disrespected my mother and got handsy with her. You get the gist, he’s the most typical “man” and he pisses me off a lot, but I love the guy to death.

What I’m getting at is, he didn’t keep my mom around by being “a good guy”, he kept her around by improving his life which improved hers. He manned the fuck up and took care of me, he worked 9 hour days, and went to school until midnight every day to provide for us. It was hard, I saw the stress, I saw their arguments, I saw it all.

Having a beer with my dad at a bar really gets him to open up, I remember him telling me shit opening a sentence with, “don’t tell your mother about this but-“ and here’s what he said.

“When I met your mom I knew I liked her, shit I liked her a lot, but she wasn’t the only girl I had around. What I’m getting at is, don’t put all your eggs into one basket. At your age, you should have a stable of hoes-“

“I didn’t keep her around by being a pussy and telling her she couldn’t go out with her friends and shit, you come off as an overprotective freak. I knew she was going places I didn’t like, and her friends hated me because they thought I was a dick, but I didn’t give a fuck.”

“Things got serious when I found out I was having you. I couldn’t keep smoking weed and half-assing shit anymore. This was real. I was alright with the fact that your mom was going to be the mother of you, because even through the bullshit, things just worked out between us. Over the years, we lost contact with our friends because they couldn’t relate to us anymore, we had a kid to worry about, and they were on the same bullshit”

“Your mom was worried, she was still in high school, I had been in college for only a year, we didn’t know what we would do. I knew I had to do something about it, I couldn’t keep fucking around and doing dumb shit with my friends. Your mom knew I was serious about her, and that didn’t take any ass kissing, remember that.”

“If a woman likes you for what you are, and all of your dumb shit, make sure you keep your shit straight, don’t get lazy, don’t be a bum, do something to improve, you’ll keep her around like that.”

My point is, my dad wasn’t always a “good guy” (the stereotypical type). He transformed from a douche of a kid who didn’t give a fuck about much, to a man with a wife and now family.

He doesn’t put anyone on pedestals, he doesn’t let shit slide if you’re coming with disrespect, and he isn’t afraid of taking what he wants. I can’t knock the guy because he’s living the life now.

My mother deeply loves this guy, we both know he’s a dick, but he’s kind, not nice.

My mom admits that she loves that he can take care of her, and she’s never afraid with him by her side. She doesn’t mention that he’s “the nicest guy she’s ever met” she mentions that she loves him for his nature, and his actions, that’s who he is.

So this bullshit of, “guys only want chads and douchebags” is essentially true, but you know what? That’s not a bad thing. Embrace that shit, I’ll take being called a chad if I’m coming home with cheeks every night. Let the good guys worry about being good, and you worry about your own shit and your own path. You shouldn’t care about what you come off as, and that’s because you’re on your shit, and you’re more concerned about the goal, not an image, and definitely not some coochie.