Background
I grew up red pilled, my Father would make Clint Eastwood look like a pussy. In Latin families, "the boogeyman" is called "el Cucuy", who takes misbehaving children away, when "wait til your father gets home" doesn't work. In my family, my Father was all of the cousins and grandkids "cucuy". Many a cousin have been lifted by their neck and set atop a refrigerator, like a loaf of bread.
Some of his rhetoric fell on my deaf ears, because the world is blue pilled. "See, Billy dad does laundry with his mom and---" WHACK
"You wanna be a faggot, take your faggot ass over there"
The most domesticated thing I ever saw my Father do, was cook a steak, eggs and bacon.
But I also saw the women girls this 60 year old man would pull almost effortlessly.
This past week
I had an issue with the girl from my home state that I have know for a few years, she was just a plate but the situation had me on edge all week. A local FWB gave me an open invite for dinner angling for a Valentine's date, I took her up on her offer the day after VD. After dinner, I sat on the couch, too full to fuck, too lazy to leave I just watched her clean up while mindlessly checking my phone.
A few minutes later, she is sitting next to me awkwardly rubbing my shoulder and asking me about my week. I tell her it was not great, she maneuvers herself to sit behind me and give me a better shoulder rub. I think it is nice to have a female care about you and helps you to relax--without sex enjoying the moment I absentmindedly blurt out "I could get used to this" and as soon as I said that, I felt the imperceptible dynamic shift, that plus, it caught her off guard and she paused with the shoulder rub. "Don't get it twisted, I am not staying the night" and as I said that, I knew I just made it worse. Like a spoiled child demanding something it does not want.
Without turning to face her, I can just feel her triumphant smile. I could try and remedy the situation by fucking her senseless, but I am just off my game, full of food and at best I might nut
aftermath
I got home, I journaled the highlights, and lowlights of the day. Flipped back a few pages and realized I was still letting the girl situation keep bothering me.
I used to disavow anything that didn't go the way I want or expect. Out of sight out of mind. About 3 years ago I started journaling. Mostly because I have had a few motorcycle collisions and a few TBIs even with a helmet. So my memory is shit, my wit is dull, so I had to admit to myself I am old and improving myself doesn't stop just because I have had a few plates come and go.
Edit - somehow I deleted the last section, the above is the gist of what I wrote originally. The takeaway is "always keep improving yourself, if you think you're at the top you're wrong, it is an endless journey"
LaserEyes2029 5y ago
No one bats at 1.00, so don't sweat it.
THEdirtyDotterFUCKr 5y ago
agreed, it seems only the noobs FR their failures | attempts. Just wanted everyone to know that even successful guys don't always "touchdown a homerun"
ProofPear6 5y ago
Speaking as a noob I very much appreciate the FRs of failures and attempts. Learning from mistakes works far better than learning from success
johnnynix18 5y ago
I'm man enough to admit I fucked up. I got bored of fucking random girls as it became easy. 8 years redpilled only to slip up and be slowly pulled into a LTR with a mentally ill demon disguised as a unicorn. AWALT never forget it brothers . It's been 3 months since I ended it and I'm just starting to get my life back on track. One day I'll write up a post on my experience.
6sterile6 5y ago
Wish more dudes on here would admit this too. But they’ll do everything they can do to try rationalize why they are in a ltr lol.
Hamsters gone hamster
jappycontin 5y ago
Same here, got bored of fucking around after being redpilled for 8 years and reaching 100+, then fell in love with a girl and went back to square one with her. Fucked up badly and now I'm heartbroken mostly by my own behaviour ????????????.
But I don't give a fuck about looking weak, blue pilled or pathetic... It is what it is.
scissor_me_timbers00 5y ago
This always fascinates me how guys become deceived so radically.
johnnynix18 5y ago
My situation is a little different, look up BPD and "love bombing" and you'll have an insight of how I was fooled. Theese people are master manipulators and I fell for it. I'll be writing up a post on my situation in the future.
olimpicus 5y ago
Waiting for it cause i fell for one too after 2 years of massive Fucking with hotter and younger girls. This one is a 39 yr old! And she made me fell into her game. Great experience though but its hard as fuck to overcome. I'll be stronger
empatheticapathetic 5y ago
So many conflicting lessons. Only you can decide what works for you at whatever moment.
THEdirtyDotterFUCKr 5y ago
the only intended lesson, always improve yourself. Everyone defines that differently
[deleted] 5y ago
Standard Shit Test. Possible responses: A) Oh no, don't get the wrong idea. I just want you to cook for me and give me back rubs. B) Good, I hate sharing my bed. C) yawn it's cool, I'm about to go bed soon anyway. I'll walk you out.
SalporinRP 5y ago
Some variation of this line has been my go-to for the past year or so.
Sends their minds spinning.
Robster25 5y ago
Except that he said it, not she. But maybe you thought that he is so good, that he needs to shit test himself, to stay sharp. Or maybe you just misread.
[deleted]
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BobbyPeru 5y ago
I like the way you traced it back through reflection. That’s advanced.
But this...
I think you could have pressure flipped this with “whatever, I enjoy the back rub, but I’m too tired .” It is the truth after all, and it basically says I could care less if you stay the night in womanese. It also says you liked the backrub and the sex was unimportant- you could take it or leave it.
Iceklimber 5y ago
I do not understand, OP did you stop writing halfway through?
Last paragraph ends abruptly without punctuation, followed with the headline
aftermath
but no text.
fokomi 5y ago
Isn't taking the pill just an eye opener? Everything you perceive changes, but not you. And everything afterwards is up to you. It's relatively easy to loose the RP perception, to get comfortable. That's why it's necessary to continue improving, without loosing focus.
And even if you lose focus, it's important to self-reflect, as it's a part of the improvement process.
Congrats on the good lesson that you've taken out from that situation.
besantos10 5y ago
Unlike the in the matrix the redpill isn't a single dose, it's a supplement.
NoMoreMrNiceGuy95 5y ago
Once you put your TRP lenses you can never go back. If you fuck up, it would be because you chose to be ignorant and fuck up.
red_philosopher 5y ago
This is not true. Nobody is on point 100% of the time. OP slipped into her frame, and he was aware. Shit happens. Even the best still make mistakes, it's a part of being human. It's also what made them the best to begin with.
mindplaybyneo 5y ago
Literally me. But fuck im gona go hard
AshyLarry27 5y ago
She felt some type of way because your response came from a weak place of comfort. "I had a bad week, I could get used to this me 'complaining while you massage me' stuff." So now her "radar" goes off to see if that is really what you think, or if you're just talking shit. If you respond apologetically, her "radar" pierces through a typical beta's facade and she loses interest fast. If you hold frame and clown, you're fine. It's ALWAYS about your frame. Even if you retort with something lame, holding frame is all that matters.
Synthetic_Citizen 5y ago
You are being too hard on yourself. Failed shit tests are like blood in the water, her shark like sense will compell her to search relentlessly for injured prey. She will sense beta and search for it, she will up her shit testing and frame prodding for a while until she is satisfied that what she sensed was a false positive.
This one probably caught you of gaurd, you were snapped back to a hyper shit test aware mode and place too much priority on it. Shake it off, hold frame and continue on focusing on you, its no as big a deal as you make it out to be.
If you start being hyper aware of every shit test and passing the then you are screwed, chill out and calm yourself, laugh her shit tests off, you only need to live by your terms and appease yourself. If she does not ahree she can move on.
sanitypanacea 5y ago
I see plenty in your glass sir --
​
Becoming this aware is a process. Abundance comes from within, and this is simply a building block of it! Party hard, game other women, don't beat yourself up!