The Reality
Toxic masculinity is a shit test.
Women want to know if their man can handle his shit -- his life, his stress, his work, his trials and tribulations, and -- most importantly -- her and her children. This is his sexual fitness as provider. But how to find out if the man can do these things?
Why not make up a phrase that could be parroted as the root cause for all issues that are even tangentially related to men? This would help to remove the onus of responsibility from women.
It would also be great if this phrase could be used to shame any male trait or expression of masculinity that goes counter to the interest of women. This would help to assert control over masculinity that is "troublesome" from a feminine viewpoint.
And what if this phrase, when accepted by the man as a solution to his problems, would openly divulge his own poor sexual fitness without the woman even having to lift a finger? This phrase would be the ultimate litmus test for sexual fitness, with the men who accept this principle snitching on themselves.
This phrase is "toxic masculinity" and it is a shit test.
The Solution
You don't go to your women with your most troubling problems trying to find solace or solutions. You cultivate male relationships with men who are trustworthy and have your interest first and foremost. This is your "bro council". To cultivate a bro council, you also need to show interest in assisting your bros with their problems -- and I do not mean you try to red pill them. They should already be fairly red pilled, and any amount of blue pill that is left can be gently dealt with.
When you have a problem, you go to your bro council to shoot the shit and try to find solutions to your problems. Your bro council will not give you the solution, but they will give you perspective; you will have to find the solution. Your bro council must be made up of men who are trustworthy and not a part of your work or any group over which you have a dominant position. If you are a part owner of a company or a manager, you do not go to your underlings for advice or talk about your woes. You go to your underlings with solutions.
The same goes for women. You can divulge the fact that something was difficult, but you must always indicate the solution. You do not cry. That's the difference between the man-child in his 30s and the man who has his shit under control.
Example: I lost my mother not too long ago to cancer. She was pretty young, and I am fairly young for not having a mother. When I told my current LTR about this, I did not cry about my mom being gone; I told her that she is gone, and I expressed that I had to work through that tough time, but I came through it just fine by working through my shit. She expressed that she liked that I didn't use the death of my mom as a crutch for any problems in my life; which is what she sees many people do. That instead I had come to terms with it and moved on with life.
This is what women want: men who handle their shit and grow stronger. They do not want to be the one having to facilitate you coming to terms with your shit.
Conclusion
There should be no confusion over this phrase and its intended uses. Further, there should be no questions like "why do women say they want us to show emotion but then ghost once we do just that -- women are so fickle and confusing".
It's not confusing. It's not a mystery. It's a shit test.
SKRedPill 5y ago
Just get this one phrase - Alpha Fucks, Beta Sucks.
Women don't waste their time advising high value men. They revere them and fuck them.
farendsofcontrast 5y ago
Big ups on the “bro council” Never ever take your problems to a girl. Masculine camaraderie is an essential part of a man’s growing up. This is something that is being robbed of men which is why you see guys trying to bond over video games or some shit. In the old days they hunted together and they tackled problems together.
iamthelogos 5y ago
In this aspect, quality is more important than quantity. The number of guys who are able to look past their own interests, not go into knee-jerk competition mode, and truly empathise with you and help you get through tough times, can be frustratingly small. When you find them, they're worth their weight in gold. It's a painful question of "how many male friends could I count on if I was really in trouble" - and even more painful if that number is zero.
adool777 5y ago
I am sorry for your loss. Isn't it annoying when women complain about way less? I get it, we have the burden of performance, but I can't stop myself from just telling her to get over it or to fix it.
[deleted] 5y ago
Another element of cultivating your "bro council" is to do hard stuff. Martial arts, lift together, hikes, jam bands, doesn't matter what it is, as long as it is hard and fun (therefore fulfilling).
I try to not talk about "them" too much, but "they" certainly don't like the idea of men leaning on one another emotionally. It kneecaps emotionally manipulative women when you don't have to count on them.
eccentricrealist 5y ago
I have a theory. What women call toxic masculinity is actually betahood disguised as masculinity. Looking for fighte, consistently one-upping, mate-guarding, these are not the behaviors of alpha men but of beta males who feel the need to compensate for their lack of manhood. Sure, they'll use toxic masculinity as an umbrella term to demand more from men, but at the end of the day it's only a certain kind of man that will cede to these wishes, and that won't be you, bucko.
GorgeousGamer99 5y ago
For the most part I'd say this is accurate, since no true alpha has anything to prove to anyone. It doesn't cover stoicism though, the attacking of which is absolutely a shit test.
Howdoiusesync 5y ago
Thank you for this, the prime thing is what has held me back in life from owning the things i've had to own for myself.
I ruined a good LTR by doing the opposite of this actually.
Thank you.
itsjustsimon- 5y ago
Nothing will dry her pussy faster than telling her your problems and showing that you don't know how to solve them.
Meanwhile, we are bombarded by the message that communication in a relationship will solve everything. It's a shit test on a larger scale. Don't fall for it.
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CainPrice 5y ago
The part of this that should be added is that shit tests are -unconscious- tests by women to determine a man's strength. His fitness, dominance, suitability to mate, etc.
"Toxic masculinity" wasn't something women invented as a diabolical, crafty, manipulative way to weed out shitty men dumb enough to go along with the idea. It's a concept that, on a surface level, women actually believe.
It's how they've rationalized to themselves their lack of attraction to some average, timid, respectful, nice dude when he's allegedly everything they've always wanted. Doesn't matter what these guys are like. They're men, and that means anything even a little masculine they do is toxic. (Because a non-masculine man doing something masculine comes across as off-putting and incongruent.) Women who aren't feminists won't use the term "toxic", but they'll find non-masculine men trying to fake masculinity to be annoying assholes.
And when they meet some tall, muscular, fun, socially apt guy who excites them, they'll come up with 10,000 other rationalizations for why this guy isn't actually toxically masculine and he's the cool, respectful, accepted version of masculine. He can literally be the stereotypical toxic macho man, but if a woman is attracted to him, his masculinity is hot instead of toxic. Slap the exact same behavior on a less attractive man, and it's off-putting, offensive behavior.
iamthelogos 5y ago
She'll rationalise whatever benefits her. Female logic.
[deleted] 5y ago
I remain marginally in the orbit of an ex for a range of good reasons. One angle to the relationship is exactly what you are saying here. Displays of masculinity, even inadvertent ones, work against me with her. I was such a good Beta Boy for so long for her that the simple fact that I'm more muscular these days is incongruent from her point of view. I find it interesting.
Then again, I marked the year of the woman by purchasing an Olympic weightlifting set and getting my ass to the Iron Church. 10/10, would recommend. Reminds me, we used to have a weekly progress thread around here.
R_Marmolejo 5y ago
Toxic masculinity is a joke narrative created by bitter women and weak men to bring capable traditional men down to their level.
Label any behavior that highlights their weakness as "toxic".
jimmyb207 5y ago
If the fembots can't control It, its toxic.
FwoGiZ 5y ago
I been trying to hammer this down in some of my friend's brain but the programming printed deep...
javiercer20 5y ago
You don’t wanna be a toxic man.... you won’t be and you’ll never be ready for that.
[deleted]
rus9384 5y ago
Honestly, I do not find psychological hypothesis a solid one if it is based on the idea that nuclear family society is a habitat where most human evolution took place. An idea of a man solely providing his children is that type of hypothesys.
There are "bad" (typically unsupportive) girls and their sexuality attracts us guys to them as sexual partners. "Good" girls are much less noticeable, not solely because of their natural looks, but about how they dress, act (staring at the phone screen in a corner) and so on. There are "bad" and "good" girls just like guys. Very rarely people are both.
But even if you don't believe me: You can accept that unicorns don't exist and give up. Or fight for the unicorn.