Years ago, my writing professor shared with the class one of the most valuable pieces of advice I’ve ever received as a writer. We were discussing magazine submissions, and how a quality publication will reject 95% or more of the material submitted to it. A few of the students didn’t like to send out their writing in fear of rejection, that their writing isn’t adequate. He then said this, “If you aren’t getting one rejection letter a day, you aren’t doing your job as a writer.” He went on to explain that a journal will reject an excellent piece of writing if it does not fit well with the magazine, or if there are simply better options available to them. It often comes down to the preferences of the reader.

I have since realized that this exact same concept applies to the dating world. Many men fail to approach enough women out of fear of rejection. But this is the opposite of what they should be doing. Like the successful writer, a man must learn to accept rejection, and even embrace it. If you are receiving one rejection a day, chances are very high that you will be getting the occasional acceptance.

There are two types of rejection letters writers receive. The first is the short one. “Thank you for your submission, we have decided not to publish your work. Best of luck.” Or something along those lines. Then there is a second type of rejection letter, the long nice one. “Thank you for your submission, we thoroughly enjoyed your writing. Though we have elected not to publish it, we encourage you to send us more work” Now, women aren’t going to be so cut and dry, but I find it fairly easy to tell the difference.

A field report: A few days ago, a bird caught my eye. She is absolutely stunning, and I was able to make her laugh with ease. She is part of an audit team auditing the place where I work. She heard someone mention I was a writer, and in casual conversation asked me to bring in some of my work. She read it, and said she loved it. From that point on, I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me. It was obvious, and clear. So I asked her out, and she asked if we could speak in private. She went on to explain that she couldn’t go out with me because she’d likely lose her job. She seemed really bummed out about it, and then said the timing is just terrible because she’d like to get to know me better. I got the second type of rejection letter.

I proceeded to get her phone number anyways, with the comment “I’ll call you when I find another job.” Despite having been rejected, I felt really good about how I handled it, confident that a different time and place would have landed her. But had I simply never asked, I would still be kicking myself wishing I had. Instead, I can simply keep my eyes open for the next girl, and keep this one in my phone book in case I ever switch companies.

The point of this post is to express that fear of rejection is a self-defeating belief, and by putting yourself out there and getting rejected more often, you are bound to find more success.

A word to the wise: In writing, if you submit the same story to twenty magazines, and twenty magazines reject that story, chances are that the problem is with the story itself. If you find yourself getting rejected every single time, you should take a hard look in the mirror, then raise your SMV.