I'm one of the older guys around here with reasonable success with women so I thought I'd post a field report that might give some insight to the less experienced guys about how I go about doing things. I'm going to be explicit in some of the detail to help illustrate specific points of escalation. This got quite long:

I was travelling solo recently; a week-long AirBnB in Cape Town, SA to be precise. Straight into principal number one: I did not go there to get laid. I don't judge myself by my lay count. Age comes with benefits; one being that it becomes more natural to DGAF. Sex was not going to be a marker of a successful holiday. I went to enjoy myself and explore. You might call this a form of outcome independence.

Upon arrival, needing a chill after a long journey I took a shower to refresh myself, lay on the bed for an hour. Decided what I wanted to do for the next couple of days, then hit Tinder and Bumble for 20 mins, register my presence in the city, see if I can make a few matches. And then went out. To get my bearings, start exploring, and enjoying myself. Got pretty drunk.

I'm a morning person. I was up early the next day to start hitting my tourist check points. Before heading out I checked my phone, a few matches, spoke to some of them. On Bumble (which incidentally is my least favourite app) I got chatting to an American girl (I’m British) who had been at a wedding and was flying home in a few days. She was available on her last day and wanted to see some tourist spots. I told her I was planning to take a hire car south: Boulders Bay (to see the penguin colony), and the Cape of Good Hope. Invited her along. Passed a couple of comfort tests, just made it pretty clear I was a tourist in town and not some local rapist. She was keen, she wanted to see more sights. Arrangements made.

I continue my holiday, I checked in with her on WhatsApp once or twice...short messages "enjoy your day", not much more. The night before our date I told her I'd ping her when I woke in the morning and come pick her up.

So, the date. Woke up, pinged her, showered, went to pick her up. It was pretty early, about 8/9am. She comes out of her accommodation bringing her suitcase. I'm aware her flight is late that night. This is a one shot.

To me the purpose of game, is to create, or enhance natural "chemistry". I'm not an idiot. I knew we had some natural chemistry and could at least get on for the day within about 10 minutes of us chatting. We drove off. The usual first-date-first-hour small talk, I can't remember what, but we were cracking jokes pretty soon.

At this point I'll reveal she is 29, I'm 41, though my Bumble profile has me at 36. 12 years my junior; I'm not going to sniff at that.

So, we drive for an hour or so to Boulders Bay, where the penguin colony is. Park in the wrong place, get out walk a bit, get lost. It's all good. We're chatting. Eventually we get to the place. We pay our own entry. This is where I know it is time for me to start upping the ante just a little, still only about 10am. It's perfect; cute little penguins and other wildlife everywhere. She's got her SLR out. On a wooden walkway and we're both so, "ahhh they're so cute", projecting human characteristics onto waddling penguins. I know I've got to start a little kino: easy, she's looking one way, a penguin comes the other way. I tap her upper arm (my favourite place to start) and say some shit, "look at this cute guy!" She turns, totally unaware I've touched her. I wait five minutes and do it again, but this time my touch is slightly more deliberate. I press my whole palm against the back of her upper-arm to get her attention. One of my favourite early kino moves. You are starting to lead the way, showing dominance, putting her in an ever-so-slightly submissive position.

We wrap things up laughing and joking, getting a few pictures "for your Instagram", which allows me to take her phone from her hand, get a tiny bit of skin contact. Time to move onto the next venue. Back in the car things are going well. I listen to her, ask her a few questions, and importantly, chill in the silence. Allow the silence to fill the car. People who are comfortable together don't have to fill the room with noise.

We stop a few more times on the way to the Cape of Good Hope, but moving the story along, there's a beach, which is going to take a walk and some cliff scrambling to get to. Again, perfect. I lead the way, when I sense her faltering, I turn, offer my hand, help her up a rock or two, then retract. Don't want to smother her. But now we are gently holding hands every couple of minutes. Kino level up. On the top of a rock face, more pics. Nobody is taking the extra walk to the beach. I lead, "I'm not coming halfway around the world to not see that beach." We push on further. Get to the beach, it's deserted. It's beautiful. The sand is golden and soft and the sky is blue.

We take our shoes off and get our feet in the sea which is freezing. A few giggles and we step back from the waves. And then I make my biggest play yet, grab her and make efforts to throw her in. She screams. Again, perfect. I drop the game quickly; as I said, I don't want to smother her. Emotion is spiked; job done. And we walk up and down the beach. Plenty of eye contact, which I start holding for longer. To be honest it's all too idyllic, and I'm already thinking this is on the cards and I've just got to guide this home. The clock is ticking though, and there is still work to do. We scramble back to the car, which means a bit more hand holding, and more casual chatting.

Back at the car I told her I want to drive along Chapmans Peak Drive, I'd heard it was a beautiful drive to take. I didn’t mention this would be then leading us back towards Cape Town, but it wasn’t necessary, she had a flight late that night anyway. No need to reveal my true intent. I tell her I'm hungry, ask her if she wants lunch, and lead again, "I like steak, let's go for a steak". On the drive back north, and during lunch the conversation gets a bit deeper. She tells me some pretty dark secrets, I reveal I'm actually 41, divorced, 2 kids. Own that shit fellow dads. If they don’t like it then bye-bye; but in my experience most women just roll with it.

So the conversation has become more meaningful, we've eaten, and we hit Chapmans Peak Drive. It is indeed beautiful. I stop the car a few times to look out across the bay. On the 3rd time she sits on a rock to soak up the view. I was behind her. The rock was literally big enough for two.

It sounds simple, but this my friends, is one of those moments that separate the men from the boys. I knew this was a big opportunity. I thought quick, made the decision, and didn't stall. I sat right down beside her. Our arms were pressed together. We chatted for about 30 seconds, I kept myself pressed against her, building the sexual tension. When we looked into each other’s eyes I held the gaze. As did she. It's on. I went straight in for the kiss, she reciprocated. We kissed and chatted for a little while.

This next bit, I probably acted a little too soon, but the countdown was still on. In a break in kissing I looked at her and said, "so, you wanna come back to mine and watch some Netflix?"

In return I get some LMR, "the jury's still out on that one."

But I'm experienced (41 remember ;) ), and I'm calm. I lean back slightly, shrug, say nothing.

That tiny withdrawal of my attention was all it took, and within a couple of seconds she continued, "but the jury could still be brought back around."

*Fuck me*, I thought, *that was fucking easy*. In all honesty I felt a bit smug inside. The calmer you are, the more confident, the less desperate, the easier it is to overcome LMR. Not only that, but the LMR you are presented with tends to get weaker and weaker.

We kiss again, and then I'm like "let's get out of here".

Kids. If you've just made out with a woman for the first time, don't go all soppy and googley eyed. Show her that you're a man and you are used to doing that shit: I didn't mention the kiss, I didn't talk any more about going to my place, I didn't ask what she wanted to do next. If you dwell on what’s just happened, you’re gonna talk yourself out of the pussy. Less is most definitely more. We chatted about other shit, as if the kissing had never happened. And I drove. Back to my AirBnB.

Got there, mid afternoon, led her in. Importantly, didn't make out with her. We’d been in the car again for an hour, the sexual tension had dropped, and she was in a strangers digs. It was time rebuild a little, not just go ploughing straight in. Stayed calm and collected. Luckily the AirBnB had left a bottle of wine for me, so I offered her a glass. Then I set about getting some music on Spotify on my laptop. I didn't touch her, I didn't get close, I let her get comfortable in the surroundings. She sat on the sofa, I sat on a stool against the kitchen/breakfast top.

Chatted a bit, probably for 15 minutes. She was happy. Then I made my move. She had a couple of tattoos (not a big fan but, hey), so I make things a bit personal. "What's the story with that tattoo?" She explains. I'm still sitting at a distance. And she continues, "I've another on my back."

That was the trigger point. I re-sexualised. Calmly, and with authority. "I'm going to have a look in a minute." I loved this line. I was telling her, indirectly and confidently, we are about to have sex. She says nothing. I make a bit more chit chat, a couple more minutes, then stand up, walk over, sit next to her, chink wine glasses, and kiss her.

No more details. This aint a porno.

A couple of hours later, she's still got four or five hours till her flight, we hit a local pub, get drunk, have a great couple of hours fun and laughter, and then I pack her in Uber off to the airport.

No drama, no tears, never to see each other again. One of those times where the circumstances are on point, and using your game, not pushing too hard, you get the business done. She texted me a few times saying the day was “perfect”. Who knows, maybe next time I’m in the States I can look her up.