TL:DR - When you're in love, you actually only love yourself. To know this is to destroy the first of illusions - that there is no ultimate thing called being in love with the other - what you really loved was the experience of being in love all along. This is why relationships fail.

The moon needs the other to make it's light, but the sun doesn't. And the sun in turn is the source of moonlight. Ultimately it's only the light of love that you were after, and whether moon or sun, proactive or reactive, you were the creator.

Either you love yourself, or love from within yourself, but ultimately all love is self generated. The two types are just generated differently.

In the eastern philosophies, there is a saying "It is only for love of the self that everything is dear".

Because the subject is the first experience, everything else comes after. If you don't exist, there is no experiencing the things happening in your life. It is why "I" is the beginning of every sentence about you.

All that you experience as reactive love is internal biochemistry ultimately. All your experiences mean something only when your own body with its senses has processed them. The process of attraction, bonding, arousal, orgasm, companionship - it all happens within you really. Think about that for a minute? What's really going on when you fall in love? Did you really love the other person? What do people mean when they say they love you or you think you love them?

Actually the exact term people use is that they are IN love. And it's deliberate.

What it really means is that you became a tool to create the experience of love within someone else, and someone else triggered it in you. You are inside a phenomenon that happened, hence the phrase "in love".

This means that when it comes to the reactive component of love, there is actually no such thing as loving the other when you look at it very deeply. The thing that attraction really falls in love with is the experience of love itself and not actually with another person.

So what about the other person? Well, the other person became a part of the process to generate this energy within you. Something they radiated kick started the phenomenon within you. So long as they can keep up that job, your love affair will run. The day you or they can't do it anymore, the lunar side of your system will lose it's light, and out goes the love you thought someone had for you or vice versa.

What does it mean? It means that "being in love" is not the same as "loving the other". This is really about getting your needs met. This love is a certain intensity of sweet emotions within you. Therefore, when you're in love, you only really love yourself the whole time.

In the east, lunar and solar, yin and yang, shiva and shakti and other terms were always used to emphasize that there are 2 principles ever operative within life. In general, masculinity has always been closer to the sun and the earth in the way it behaves (proactive, stable, reliable, cultivated, producer) while femininity has always been closer to the moon and water (reactive, changing, spontaneous, consumer). But they also refer to the proactive and reactive sides of life - joy and enjoy.

In fact it is said that the moon represents the mind more than any other thing in eastern philosophy.

I used the word "Lunar" here to describe this love -- so there must be a "Solar component of love, right? Well, actually that is something that is entirely self generated as a matter of being - it's not love as what anyone calls it. The sun, is just steady light - it's bright, but almost boring in a way. It's something you choose to do because you just want to be that way. Now that's something that takes tremendous abundance and strength to run on self start, but when you've mastered it, it's totally reliable, it'll never let you down, it's the only light that'll be there for you in both easy and hard times -- you could find it in strength or spirituality. The love of the sun is unconditional and all inclusive, while the love of the moon is conditional. In the love of the sun, you do not actually need anything from the other person, so in a way they're free from you.

You could love another person with the love of the sun, but here's the catch -- this love ain't going to arouse a damn thing within you, unless you somehow gain magical powers to have complete control over your nervous system and biochemistry.

So the sun by itself is not going to be as fun or juicy as the experience of the moon - which keeps changing, waxes and wanes, and to the romantic, the moon's light is beautiful, full of variety -- but that's not proactively created, it's a reactive light. When the moon shines bright it's just too effortlessly easy to get high, far easier than the path of the sun, that needs to be seriously cultivated. The waxing moon feels effortless for a while, but that light needs to be maintained continuously by whatever aroused it, or else it wanes and dies out.

So ultimately as far as the moon goes, it was really the entire experience that you were seeking in which the other person existed. It was also that experience that the other person was seeking from you. You did not actually love the other person, you actually only loved yourself all along. The fundamental BP illusion is that you think you love the other person, but actually you are in a state of pleasant attraction and you actually use the other person to love yourself. It is just the intensity and sweetness of emotion that make the whole thing acceptable and mask the fact that what is going on is actually a very selfish phenomenon. Were it not for the emotion and attraction, this would actually be a very cold blooded deal that is really just loving oneself.

Feel free not to believe me, but it will become clear by proof of absence when the sweet emotions die out and your needs are not met by the other person as to whom you really loved all along - it was yourself.

That's when you'll wish you'd generated your own energy.

And as far as the sun goes, it's anyway proactively self generated by you anyway. You probably knew how to use it better as a child than you do now, when you were more unconditionally happy, but it's still there. Just don't put any conditions or reasons on it and try to be a little unconditionally crazy just because -- you don't deserve to poison your mind and happiness with all the shit the world throws at you. The world has convinced you that without doing and having something great, you're have no right to be happy - that's BS. The happiness of the sun needs nothing except for you to take care of your well being at all levels - people think a man just happy for no reason is crazy, but that's your greatest source of strength. Too much rationality and social correctness has blocked out the sun of the happiness of being.

When you realize how important the sun part is in your life and how much it improves you and everything in your life, you cannot help but love it. You'd never want to go back to the old, dysfunctional way afterwards.

So either way, whether you use the path of proactive strength or the path of reactive emotion, all that you call love is generated within and experienced by your own brain and body, and radiated outside. It's really that experience which is sought the whole time.

So you thought she loved you? How could she just dump you like that or divorce rape you if she loved you? Well buddy, it was not you, it was the experience of love that she was in love with. And that was also the same for you. You also loved yourself all along. Your sex drive as a man just gave you a much greater tolerance. To know this is to destroy the first of illusions - that there is no ultimate thing called in love with another - - what you ultimately love is the experience of love you feel within, either radiated or reactive, and the other person plays a role as a part of that, or not.

This is why relationships fail - because it really was a very sweet transaction of using the other person to love yourself. The real relationship was ultimately with yourself, with your own experience of love. Yes, what you call love is in fact the most selfish thing out there, just sweet enough that you ignore it, until you can't.

When it comes to reactive love, while it may look like the other person is the most important thing, they're not. It's the experience of love that is the most important thing. That's what you really fell in love with. The other person is a part of it, but he or she is not really the ultimate thing - the experience is. Nature made it that away for your system to need the opposite sex to help generate it. If you could truly stay high at will, there'd be no real need to engage with the opposite sex and life on earth might have gone extinct.

How's this important? One, it's something you need to tell yourself every day to develop an abundance mentality - it's the experience of love that matters. You really do not regret the loss of the other person as much as you regret the loss of the experience with them. If one person could trigger that in you, another person also can - it'll vary from person to person of course, but that's why you need to get out of oneitis. When dependency on the one has dropped, you are now capable of enough room for a thousand. You won't need a thousand if your relationship goes well, but usually a breakup is a question of when and not if - that's where that extra space will come in handy.

This is easier for you as a man to manage than a woman because a man is a parallel pluralist, and woman in her natural state is a serial pluralist (pills and casual sex might have changed that, but in more committed relationships, a woman can't really hide her serial plurality caused by hypergamy for long). And lucky for you, you're not always on drugs that alter your natural personality.

The second part of an abundance mentality is to develop the sun within yourself. The largest chunk of the positive energy in your life must come from yourself - you cannot expect the world to keep filling up the holes within yourself forever. This way, if your relationship fails and the moon vanishes, you won't spiral into a dark well of depression. When your sun is very well developed, it will be other people that will begin to react to your energy.

Most men get so swayed by the roller coaster of the moon that they forget that it was the sun within them that was in fact the source of attraction. If your sun becomes too dim, even a lot of moon light can't cure you out of your depression and negativity. And as it turns out, a man with a weak sun quickly loses the attraction of his woman and out goes the moon as well.

In fact, if your sun gets too dim, your neediness will grow to a point where you start squeezing the life out of the other person, even to the point of raping them for sex, resources, their freedom, wealth, anything, or you fall into drugs, internet, porn, video games, and alcohol and any kind of anesthesia to escape this moment and your own darkness. It's a dark, dark place. And it's the place where it becomes rather blatantly clear to you that both of you were using each other for your own sake the whole time, only now there is nothing remotely pleasant about it. You can go to a divorce court and see what I'm talking about. That is a moon with no sun to light it - the raw darkness is now exposed.

The secret of happiness then is simply this - the greater the joy, the greater the enjoyment of life, but not the other way around. The greater you try to enjoy, the more you convince yourself deep down you're joyless and incomplete, and that's where neediness and addiction begin.

Therefore it's essential that your sun becomes a very strong baseline to determine your experience of life. The moon can then add to it, and it's loss won't be a big hit. The ups and downs of the moon become less and less disturbing the stronger your sun grows.

In fact, eastern philosophies equate the sun to the soul or the spirit for a reason.

The sun has another secret to it - it is the source of the light of the moon. It is the actual source of attraction even if it doesn't create that experience itself. It is the presence of the sun and the vibes it sends out that actually causes the moon's light to shine. It's why the high value man inspires that kind of attraction in women that no needy man could ever hope to create. For the sake of the moon, a man must never neglect his sun, and if he does so, he realizes this lesson the hard way. But to turn sunlight to moonlight, there must be two.

That's where the other person really comes in - he or she is a catalyst in the process of reactive love, the process of converting sunlight to moonlight, but even when you experience reactive love, it really only happens within you nevertheless and it is that experience you fall in love with. You just can't put that on self start, because nature didn't design you like that for its own sake.

Therefore the best thing you can actually do if you want the experience of the moon is to make your sun stronger, and then seek out the extra oomph of the love of the moon. Your well being at all levels matter. At the physical level, you need to lift, have flexibility and stamina. At the mental level, you must eat a careful diet of thoughts and beliefs just like you watch your food and body fat percentages. You must find inner peace and joy through meditation and awareness - and be just happy for no reason like a madman (without showing it on the outside in anything other than a masculine way). Your energies must be kept high through yoga. You must have a mission of high value. You must develop game and social skills through practice and many failures - that's part of your sun, the vibes you exude and the mastery of your energies. Reduce masturbation because you need a big head of sexual energy to engage with other people and redirect it towards your life. The more you are on self start, the less you depend on push start. Self start is the hard way, but it will never let you down.

Eventually you'll realize that most people around you are simply living reactive lives, and while they may talk of freedom and liberation, they're far too compulsively driven and giving them freedom when they have no capacity to sensibly manage it will only cause the insanity of their minds and slavery to their compulsions to cross all healthy limits. They may talk about love, but really they only loved themselves and the play of their own mind and body.

Some people who've mastered their sun love from themselves and radiate it to others - even to them the light of the moon feels wonderful, but they know the catch - so they take care that their sun is ever bright. Either way, all love is self generated. Those people who talk so much in the media and society about love or liberation neither know it, nor have the capability to handle it sensibly.

You must learn to be aware of this moment where life's experience happens, and not get too carried away by reactive thoughts and emotions - just unleash the animal where you need to go full wild, and pull the ropes back when not needed. That's an art.

It only ever happened within you all the time. Consciously or compulsively, you are the creator and you love the experience of love that you created.

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