Preamble:

After reading mister Zaitsev's latest post "Slave Girls Are Fun" I've decided to return the favour and finally bring something to the table. I've been into BDSM for a long ass time already, so I reckon I'm competent enough to help some of y'all vanilla muppets to make your first steps towards becoming an experienced Dom. I started when I was \~17 y.o. as a bottom for a sadistic bitch who was almost 20 years older than me and I still have scars on my back from what I thought was proper D/s relationship, so I know how it feels from another side, too.

Also, you probably won't find this post too helpful if you've had any experience with BDSM already, so y'all been warned.

Body:

Fuck 50 shades of grey. It has nothing to do with what real BDSM dynamics are. Almost none of those movies are. Reason being is that most of them are pure fantasies. E. L. James, an author of the original book, has described the Fifty Shades trilogy as "my midlife crisis*, writ large. All my fantasies in there, and that's it*."

Here's a great comment by THEdirtyDotterFUCKr:

You are not going to learn anything from 50 shades of shit. Safe/Ease words are NOT suggestions. STOP/RED/HALT means EXACTLY that. If you are doing it right, you'll hit an Ease word long before she has the need to use a Safe word.

Knowing that, here are 3 things you should also consider before jumping into this dark and beautiful world:

  1. BDSM is not a way to compensate for your inferiority complex. You can't imagine how often I hear stories about clueless fake Doms who got into it just to avenge for some childhood trauma/rejection. It's cheap, weak, and most likely would end bad for both of you.
  2. Take your time. For the love of god, don't start with breathplay or mummification straight away. Shit's actually dangerous and unless you've done enough a lot of research and already know your partner, you can fuck up big time. And I mean it. You're not trying to squat 500 lbs on your first day in the gym, right?
  3. Forget about alcohol and drugs. One glass of wine is fine, but that's it. This one is pretty self-explanatory, is it?

Note that everything in this post is my very own opinion based on my very own experience. If you're willing to disagree with anything -- lemme know, I'm always eager to learn and become better, so I'm always open for a discussion. Alright, enough with boring theory. Here's some practical advices for y'all newcomers.

  • If you're a beginner, there's no need for you to stock up on devices. Depending on your interests, all you'll need is a kit of wrist/ankle cuffs, a collar, a flogger and a cane. Don't forget about rope if you'll willing to get into bondage, but for the love of god, don't skimp on two things: your flogger and your rope. Cheap floggers won't last long, won't hit the way they should and, just to be honest, they feel like crap in your hand. Use rope made for bdsm. It's a bit more expensive, but your girl won't get her skin chafed after 10 minutes of bondage and you won't have to stop your scene.
  • Inspect your partner's body before any impact play. Stay away from any moles and tiny bones. As a beginner, don't use even half of your power until you've mastered your technique and mainly go for her buttocks, thighs and chest.
  • If your partner is gagged and unable to use the safe-word, give her something to hold in her palm, so she's able to signal you to slow-down/stop by simply dropping it on the floor.
  • Forget about bull whips, snake whips and other devices made for advanced users. They're increadibly hard to use and take months to master. I'm not even talking about damage you can cause by being a rookie.
  • Sensory deprivation is your best friend. Human brain is the strongest sex-toy ever. Tie her up, blindfold her and even maybe use earplugs. By losing her sight and hearing, her other senses will get a lot stronger, so be careful. Once she's blindfolded, tied up and left in her own head leave her for 15 minutes. In her case, 15 minutes feel like a fucking hour. Now you can do all you want: bring out ice cubes, candles, feathers, vibrators, whatever the fuck you want. Almost everything you can come up will make her cum her brains out.
  • Be careful with candles. Some of them have different temperature of melting, so test it out on your forearm in advance. Also, you can control how hot is it by elevating the candle: the closer it is to her body -- the hotter wax will be. You can pour wax on her pussy, but don't ever pour it on her clit, because you're not a gestapo officer, are you.
  • Never leave your sub alone if she's tied up. NEVER. Her health and well being is your responsibility, especially when she's unable to move. Also, always have a pair of scissors that are able to cut down duct-tape/rope nearby for emergency cases. You can never be too prepared.
  • Just a simple reminder. If you're using ropes learn how to use them correctly and monitor the limbs. You're dealing with circulation make sure you're not cutting blood flow off. Don't just tie a wrist up like you're strapping down cargo in a truck (comment by thewrecker8).

Afterword: BDSM can be a lot of fun if you proceed with caution. Get better, experiment, take care of your sub and always pay attention to what's going on. It might sometimes be exhausting, but it's worth it. I expected this one to be shorter, but, oh well. It's actually my first TRP post, so I'm open for criticism. Also, I kind of stole the title from one of VasiliyZaitsev's posts, but I'm unable to link it. So, i really advise you to check it out.