TL;DR: See Summary.

BACKGROUND: I do some 1-1 mentoring work when I can. This occurred last night and thought it might help others.

FIELD REPORT

Characters

  1. Sean - Young man I mentor.
  2. Roger - Seller and would be philanthropist.
  3. Rip - Some guy who's body's present but brain's always elsewhere.

Events

Sean suffers from high anxiety. Last night he wanted to buy a sub woofer. He'd researched it, organised and even negotiated the price down(helped him learn). When I picked him up he filled me in so I said cool let's go. In most situations I'll fall back and allow him to lead. When we arrived I told Sean I had to move the car so he had to go up by himself. Moved the car then followed him up and watched. My man started well. Asked good questions; "What does this do? How does this work? etc.." But he wasn't building any rapport. He wasn't getting Roger invested. Looks to me; says what do you think?

I go to work.

Me: "Roger? I'm Rip. Great to meet you. Sorry I missed the spiel. You were saying..?"

Roger: "Hi Rip. Was just explaining to young Sean here about this connection; it runs from the battery, the earth just need's to be grounded as so etc.."

Me: "Roger I see. So why are you selling it?"

Roger: "Well I've had the speaker for x years, and I just bought a new car; and since I don't need it anymore.."

Me: "Congratulations Roger on the new car. What did you buy? By the way what car was the sub in? How long have you owned it...?"

Roger: "It's an Aventador etc.. The sub came out of my little Mazda. Great little car.." (This was what I needed to know because I began to plan pulling the "poor young guy" card; playing to Roger's common experience of owning a little car and a big ass speaker to drive the price down. Little did I know Roger would in the end do us one better.)

Me: "Nice! Roger I owned a little Mazda at school. Great little car. That's why I keep that little Toyota we arrived in. Young Sean here Roger has also just got a new car. The same as mine but a four-door. That's why we're here..." (So I go into my spiel about the common experience etc.. At this point my man Sean starts whipping out his wallet..)

Roger: "Put that away Sean. Since you guys are such nice guys; take it." (Then instead of selling the sub decided to give it to Sean.)

Me: "Roger that's unbelievable! Roger thank you so much. That's immensely generous and we're speechlessly grateful etc.."

After most of our interactions I'll get Sean to pick it apart. Pull out what was good; what needs work etc.. After this interaction Sean's takeaways were;

  1. You asked a lot about him; but not much about the speaker.
  2. You didn't even talk about money.
  3. He didn't ask the right questions.

To help him I laid out the basic premise of most social interactions. That everyone has a story and if we didn't hear Roger's; or Roger ours; he might not have gotten such an awesome outcome. That rapport; that appealing to one's common experiences builds emotional connectors. Connectors that can be used to dictate the flow of conversation and events.

SUMMARY

  1. Whenever meeting someone new; as casually as possible include their name in the conversation. At least 5 times is my practice but you do you. Saying their name not only helps you remember it; whenever someone hear's their name; they actively listen.

  2. Whatever your goal; establishing strong rapport through commonalities in another's life experience can only potentially help you.

  3. Remember; however; in any social dynamic; your greatest leverage is your ability to walk away.

Godspeed and good luck!