TL;DR Without disciplined change, picking up and making the move that'll change your life will only create the same problems in a new location
Body: Twice, perhaps even three times now I've packed up and moved away from my distractions. Law of Attraction dictates without change the same types of people I palled around with before the move will trickle back into my social life. For me this has always been deviants, roughnecks and burnouts. While there is prosperity and success growing up around a rough crowd, these types of people and the lifestyle they live hinder the forward progression of success I seek. It is because of this interference I must say goodbye old friend.
I picked up and moved away from family, friends and Iand that I love in exchange for unfamiliar faces in unfamiliar places. One problem my friends helped encourage was an overindulgence in marijuana, sitting around and accomplishing nothing. There's an abundance of weed in my new found home. As soon as I found the plug for top shelf weed, a bottom shelf prices, I didn't need my friends to snap. I spent days in a blunt induced daze. It was back to my high school habits of falling asleep with a blunt and waking up to finish it before leaving bed. I spent my time with false productivity, spending my daze reading, hiking and urban exploring.
False productivity is productive activities used as distractions from your main mission. Think of this as side quests, things that should be accomplished when not racing a clock. They're sugar-coated to pad the procrastinators ego. First noticed when my temporary roommate was cleaning his room with an unstarted report due in six hours. His defense accompanied with a chuckle and a smile, "was the tidiness would help him focus better, if he ever got around to the report." The report was late. Now who can deny the benefits of hitting a trail or three, checking out your new location. I was lifting, cooking good meals while doing my dailies, just rolling up blunt after blunt. I was lucky to have caught myself by day four. Even though it appeared to my roommate "I was having a full day." retrospect was I accomplished nothing that needed to get done, only the things I wanted to do.
Picking up the pen, picking up my thesaurus, I used the old excuse it's a writer's favorite spot to think and trotted off to the closest watering hole. My work got done in two hours with a record-setting pace of one and a half drinks. My roommate wanted to join me halfway through. I was polishing off my third drink by the time he finally took the seat next to me. Then a fourth and probably a fifth drink came within the next hour as he caught up. Making our way home we stopped at a halfway point. Drinks six and seven were consumed while we were directed to another spot. There less than five minutes I grabbed a quick double of Jameson for our half a mile walk home. Two drinks turned into seven or eight just for the sake of entertaining a friend.
Crabs in a bucket, chaotic in a frenzy, prevent ones escape. Unintentionally or intentionally it dose not matter for the results are all the same. My roommate definitely influenced my behaviors in a negative manner as I readjusted within my first month. He had me out seven times and who knows how many 4 a.m. beers he snuck in before my day even began. I consumed more alcohol in my first month living with him then in the previous four Holiday months. He had been drinking daily when I first touched down. Last night he bought his first case for the house in over two weeks. He blamed my auditable, genuine, "I'm good." for his changed behavior. If you place two individuals in the same room, the strongest frame wins out. Two years ago we'd have been making a ball out of the night life here. Fortunately I'd spent the last year distancing myself from those behaviors back home. Once I regained my sense of self it was strong enough to rub off on my roommate. He's also taken interest in cooking for himself. He was horrifically shocked then embarrassed the first time he saw the difference in our shopping carts. We're in it together for an agreed, extended period of time. During that time I'm going to have to actively guard against slipping into his bad habits, especially ones I've previously overcome. The fact we click coupled with an unrelenting will means he'll continue picking up my good ones through a trickle-down effects of good behavior. I know pulling a crab from the bucket doesn't help him should he ever find himself back there but the kid knows if he intend to be friends he's going to have to keep up.
Then there was this morning's temptation to stowaway three beers to check out the trails closest to home. On the trails I met a boy still, in his early twenties. Slouched posture, outwardly relaxed with half a Four Loco in his hand, he struck up conversation with me all before 10am. A nice enough kid, he's lucky I made the conscious decision not to instinctively put a couple social beers in the pack, "just in case." I'd have befriended the poor boy, christening our encounter, having us shotgun the first round of Rolling Rocks. We carried on walking, strangers still, in casual conversation. Before long this naturally skinny, blue haired girl appeared. He stopped short of her talking as I walked by.
In the end I knew I had to keep walking. She was cute enough despite the signs of her lifestyles damaging her good genetics. My social life really could use the expansion. Drinking, smoking, debauchery, sooner or later the feelings of disappointment is how it'd end. I did not cave to my initial temptations based on old habits, to bring the social beers. My second temptation to prolong my deprived body interaction with a pretty enough female didn't bring me to inviting these deviants into my life. I knew befriending these two would only be continued distractions to the line of success I am on. These two would only bring me down, they couldn't even bare to bring themselves up. I didn't even look back as I heard his voice call out, desperate for affection, "it was nice chatting with you." A year of preparation went into this moment. Chucking up the deuces, I never looked back. All for the best but it's stung like a bitch. I was turning my back on old friends.
SoulRedemption 4y ago
Good read, for a second I though was reading something along the lines of Jorge Louis Borges.
I find myself, constantly doing things I should not be doing. Postponing very important things for "friends" and an excuse for my procrastination.
Boundaries and discipline. I still got a long way to go.
DiSysmic 4y ago
Four months ago, I've unknowingly gone into a variation of monk mode. While it's a lonely phase, my brain has made the assessment that the root of improvement needs individual focus and discipline. And even at that, some days I get shit done, and sometimes I don't.
But at the end of the day, my lack of productivity cannot be blamed on anyone else. Through isolation, I hold myself accountable of all the things that happen in my life. Each missed deadline, each task that I miss are engraved in my mind, reminding me that no one else but myself is responsible. I'm far from being the best version of myself, but I've made drastic improvements.
All this to say, you should give it a try. With time, the ability to be more mindful should help you avoid rationalizing a bad habit.
Heisenski 4y ago
What does your typical routine look like to get things done for yourself? I’m just starting this process and am trying to learn from people like you who’ve already begun their noble journey to a better and higher self.
King_dom_cum 4y ago
The best routine is one tailored to suit you and your needs. I prefer to roll out of bed and have my personal time all lumped afree my days duties are done. This may not be possible for you.
Ask yourself what you need to get done in the week. Break it down by the day. Generally you have prior engagements to plan around like school and work.
uwey 4y ago
If you change, you would know how to build the build.
Build it. Build your fucking master piece I beg you!
If you build it as high as you can, they will come, all of them.
Be there game, power, money, sex, and enemy.
Remember your enemy, without them, you will build nothing. They are the cement for your Temple, curate your enemy, put friends as scapegoat or future-enemy. Because people change, and you would’ve anticipated anyway.
Sad? No, because you have hope, Hope is a Satan, a demon pretends to be God, it will bring you the torment of your life and hold your feet in flame. Worship something your own quality and forsaken the hope, because that is what makes you weak. Face inevitable death, drop hope, be concise and realistic, treat everyone as your friend and your worst enemy. Then you will realize everything is just business.
Spend your time to build it, don’t piss your time away on stupid opinion. Everything just a fucking opinion.
FaggoDeluxe 4y ago
What is this even supposed to mean?
B-L-G-Y 4y ago
Great post. Good for you. Not being a worthless piece of shit gets much easier.
bakamoney 4y ago
If you smell shit everywhere , you are the shit.
Nice shitpost BTW.
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Howdoiusesync 4y ago
I wanted to touch on this a bit since i've been in monk mode myself for a bout 2 months now. I started after I stopped chasing girls because I wasn't focusing on the real purpose and goals for myself.
Some people need to be dropped. I had a plate for a while that I had to push away because I was holding myself back and I was more deserving of a more authentic version of myself . I went away to Uni, banging plate consistently, social circle that knew plate was very intrusive about my time with her. I had one dude who I knew for a while write me a wall of text complaining I didn't want to hang out and play video games and smoke with him. I was out in the city living, getting a few drinks explore all while I was off. Other individuals did the same thing. Always looking at instagram stories to see what we were up to etc. Those same dudes when I was kinda bummed about the whole thing wouldn't even be as interested in my life when I was seeing other girls and wasn't in the right place mentality. But those same dudes now ask same ex plate for nudes and all sorts of just weird shit. One of them even asked the same plate out. I wasn't mad, just showed where loyalty lied with them. Plate puts them in their place when they do said things (having a gay friend helps). In the last 3 months, I've been working hard on my body, my mind and money side hustles. Those same dudes, theyre still meeting up to smoke until they pass out and play video games in their parents basement. Just like they were in high school.
Some people never really change.
There was one of those dudes who had a LTR who was very extroverted, would go to shows and do stuff in the city. She ended things with him because he would just have her over and do the same thing over and over. Guess what he did, he blamed her that she only wanted him for his money. What did he do to improve? Nothing, nothing at all. Do things out of love not hate. If you want to help others you gotta help yourself first and then use that strength for the next man that is just as hungry as you. Sorry for the rant but I hoped this helped more that I thought it would.
ChrimsonChin988 4y ago
It's never other people or your social circle holding you back... that's rationalization, a simple trick of the mind.
The things that hold you back are shitty habits, low personal standards and a lack of discipline. I have multiple friends who smoke cigarettes and/or weed and drink a lot of alcohol. I don't. When I see them indulging I don't envy them because I know that if I followed them how I'll feel tomorrow and where I'll be in a year, been there, done that. Just the thought of indulging in alcohol or weed makes me sick.
King_dom_cum 4y ago
Thank you, I think you've hit it closest. Low personal standard then lack of dispiline.
First you have to consciously elevate those personal standards then find the discipline to adhere to those standard. The trick is how do you build discipline? Certainly not by hanging around with those who lack it.
People aren't my scape goat but hanging around low quality people will do you no good. Rather I'd saturate my life with individual aiming at similar goals.
AGallopingMonkey 4y ago
This reads like a masturbatory Alcoholics Anonymous post with a little weed addiction sprinkled in. I’ve never understood how people can’t control their drinking. Why in the hell did you need those two drinks to do your “work” anyway? You’re blaming others for your vices, not blaming the actual problem: yourself.
Learn to socialize without alcohol.
ThisWickedMinistry 4y ago
That is literally what his entire post is about. Look at the title.
good_guy_submitter 4y ago
Eh it's also about getting shit done when you have no productivity habits or skills.
AGallopingMonkey 4y ago
I know that's what it was trying to be, but it wasn't. His ending paragraph contains these lines:
Again, he's saying his social life depends on some sort of crutch. He isn't cutting out the crutch, he's cutting out the social life.
King_dom_cum 4y ago
Maybe I didn't make it clear. My social life could use the new people in it. It was mainly the blue haired girl, she was cute and my dick hasn't been touched in five weeks. With these two individuals, any time together, would have been spent day drinking, smoking pot or whatever else it is they did for fun. Fuck who knows we might have gone on to cure cancer while shotgunning Rolling Rocks at 10am. If I have no interest in spending my time like that, why bother socializing with people who actively spend their's so?
It hurt not joining them because I feel comfortable in that lifestyle. It's easy to be successful when your life revolves around catching a buzz. Instant gratification twenty-four/seven.
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King_dom_cum 4y ago
Thanks you I love Hemingway's work