I'll be honest. I giggled through her whole rant.
I can't complain too too much. I know I'm lucky. I have a kick ass career. I have two amazing kids. I was lucky enough to be born at a time and in a place where being a woman doesn't have to limit me. And I have taken that and run with it. Apparently I ran so far that my now ex-husband told me that part of the reason he knocked up the nanny was because he knew he would never be good enough for me (can we all collectively shake our heads at the "wtf?" of that logic?).
But you know what has limited me? Being a single mom. Because oh god, men do not want to have to deal with other men's offspring. So here I am: professional, got my shit together, relatively good looking (in spite of my age), and a failure at relationships.
Sure, men want to sleep with me. They sure as hell want to help enjoy my salary. But anytime it gets close to getting serious the kids are an excuse. I get the "I love you, but the kids are just too much for me." Or "I was a child of a divorce and can't be involved." Or "it's really not yooouuuuu..." Or "I really want to have children. Children of my own." WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GET INVOLVED WITH A SINGLE MOM THEN? It's not like these children were hiding. It's not like you didn't know. No, they are definitely not that quiet.
Just a PSA - if you don't want to date someone with kids, just don't. No one will be upset if that comes out upfront.
*I just might be in the middle of a breakup and going through the angry stage right now.
DrMungMung 10y ago
I wonder if this woman would date a single father.
[deleted] 10y ago
The third paragraph, I did more than giggle. It's not the kids, the kids are the excuse she keeps getting, but the problem is her.
RedBigMan 10y ago
tl;dr
Guys recognize that single moms = alpha fucks, beta bucks and pass on the 'I do' that will screw them for the rest of the kids childhood.
greentreemaine 10y ago
I actually don't mind dating a single mom. I like kids so it isn't a big deal for me. I would consider marrying a single mom on a case by case basis.
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CouchJockey 10y ago
Actually It seems like the guys are being completely honest here. When it starts to get serious they back out. They aren't in it for the long haul.
At the same time shes not in the wrong about anything. She's just blowing off steam. I can she how her situation would be frustrating.
[deleted] 10y ago
There is no issue, TRP is merely descriptive of women, not prescriptive. Examples like this serve to inform our perspectives. However, in this case the woman is being hypocritical by using her sexual availability to attract dates and then getting angry at men for dating her for her sexual availability. Yeah, being honest and putting her intentions in the open will kill 95% of her prospects, but that's the hard truth she has to deal with. At least she's not poor and ugly.
kingssman 10y ago
She wasn't single in the past. Had a ltr, had a kid, father split when he couldn't handle both woman and child.
Single moms start off just like any other prime gal. No kids, no baggage, her only mistake was not snagging the man hard enough to keep him around after she had the kid.
Like a new car, after the first owner used and abused it, it's now not worth 1/4 the original retail value.
Her mistake wasn't having the kid, it was not securing a beta provider.
[deleted] 10y ago
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[deleted] 10y ago
Perhaps my parting quip wasn't the best, but I still think people in this thread are viewing the situation through jaded eyes.
The problem is limited information, we don't know how she framed the relationships from the beginning; her tone implies she framed them as a long term and child centric in my opinion. For this reason I feel it could very well be 'heartless bastards' stringing her along with no intention of the longer term.
On the other side, if you were as you say 'banging a single mom', it appears that your relationship was not framed long term but purely sexual and short term, so its perfectly correct for you to exercise your right to leave or not wish to commit further.
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[deleted] 10y ago
Thanks.
[deleted] 10y ago
Not true, what we are calling her out for is her aboslute rejection of any culpability/responsibility in these scenarios. She is obviously selecting the wrong guys to date. I mean re-read her post. She frames EVERYTHING in terms of what the men are doing, either in general or to her. She NEVER talks about what she is doing when choosing to go out with these guys.
The translation is that she is desperate and going out with any guy that shows any interest, willfully ignoring the overwhelming evidence from their behavior that they are only interested in her pussy/$, and then bitching about why they are doing this to her.
She is working her hamster into a heart attack to rationalize any/all responsibility/agency away.
Basic probabilities; which is more likely, all those guys are problem, or she is the problem.
Edit: Didn't mean to sound so argumentative in my post. Not attacking you, just clarifying the general consens on the thread.
[deleted] 10y ago
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[deleted] 10y ago
Well, there really isn't much speculation. I based my arguments on what you wrote. And really, if you were picking better guys maybe this wouldn't keep happening to you. I stand by my assertion. Which is more likely, that all these guys are the problem or the problem is with you?
Finally, I would bet my house that you aren't being honest from the get go with these guys that what you are looking for is an LTR/husband just like they arent telling you that what they are looking for is something casual. You are both being manipulative. What is really making you angry is that it's not like it was when you were young, ie the guys have the upper hand in the relationship dynamic. Now you know how young guys feel constantly dealing with haughty women condescending to them and using them.
Edit: fixed wall of text
niceguy_gone_cad 10y ago
Sure she's got men interested in a serious relationship; desperate guys willing to put up with her kids to get some pussy. But of course she's not attracted by them, and those she likes keep pumping and dumping her. She picked the wrong dude to father her kids, now she has to deal with the outcome. No dude has to "man up".
[deleted] 10y ago
I do agree, I think it is implied that she is over-valuing herself in the dating market.
My comment to man up was more aimed at the small circlejerk in this thread which instantly jumps into insults and attacks on the person without really considering the bigger picture. In the face of this missing information some guys are being extremely cynical instead of leaving this open for more discussion.
Like many of you guys I come to this subreddit to further myself, my views and my opinions. Hopefully for some modicum of intelligent debate, even though our eyes have been certainly opened by the red pill, lets not become closed minded in how we approach things.
No hate intended here guys, peace.
[deleted] 10y ago
What on earth would there be to discuss besides analyzing how she's being irrational? She's conflating her SMV and business market value with her ability to maintain relationships, and expecting love to be fair. It's classic self delusion. She doesn't deserve a pity party, and it probably wouldn't be good for her anyway.
You sound awful close to concern trolling.
[deleted] 10y ago
Sorry, I don't even know what concern trolling means. Allow me to reiterate so you can try understand my point of view.
Her argument is that she believes she is high value with kids and yet is frustrated that the men she is dating do not want to commit to her when they have to commit to the children as well.
Is this being irrational?
Well, that depends. If she explicitly states her intentions at the beginning of the relationship and the men understand what they are committing to, then no. She's frustrated by men who have wasted her time and quite rightly so.
On the other hand, does she start purely sexual relations with men only to try shift the frame of the relationship to be one in which they become long term father figures to her children. If so, then you're entirely right, it is irrational and she is failing to see her true value in an unfiltered market, shes not choosing the right people.
Of course it would be perfectly reasonable for a man to initially believe he could cope with the situation only to find it incompatible
This would be something 'to discuss' which you perhaps overlooked.
RememberThisPassword 10y ago
She's irrational to think she has high value just because of her job and"looks". Raising another man's children is a game most of us don't want to play. That makes her value go down from everyone else's perspective but her own.
[deleted] 10y ago
It doesn't matter whether she is attractive, and successful in business, and she has a bunch of kids from another man. For what she wants she has to demonstrate the ability to be a good wife. Neither success in business, nor attractiveness, are in any way related to either of those.
Concern trolling is when you pretend to understand a groups point of view, and claim to be part of it, only to try and destroy the core message.
The Red Pill is for men to hone their attitudes for dealing with women, specifically regarding subjects that are not appropriate to discuss elsewhere because of violent emotional reactions.
How are your so called points relevant? So what if she could have been dealing with assholes. That's not a problem that's relevant here. In fact, a lot of members are happy to be assholes. Asshole pump and dump game is considered a viable strategy here. I don't personally use it because that's not my nature, but it's a perfectly viable strategy.
In short, you're talking about feels and feels are not useful here.
leftajar 10y ago
"Dating a single mom is like playing someone else's saved game." -/u/yourthemannowdawg
Kellermann 10y ago
Classic
Petrarch1603 10y ago
The cognitive dissonance of single mothers is astounding. Its like buying a used car for more than a new model. If a woman is a single mother, there's a good chance that she is unable to compromise, unable to cooperate and makes poor decisions. They may still maintain the same levels of sexual attraction, which feeds their hamster into thinking they are high-value, but as soon as you find out there's another man's child in the picture, their value drops 90%.
LasherDeviance 10y ago
Exactly. I feel the same way. The only way I would do that is if I was getting a Bentley for a Honda. (i.e. a 22 yr. old mom with a banging bod and a deceased babydaddy,the '010 Bentley, for a 35 yr. old fat broke harpy with no kids, the '12 Honda Civic)
[deleted] 10y ago
I got involved with a woman with a 1 year old daughter. I fell head over heels with both of them and have had more emotional satisfaction from being a step-father than anything else I have ever done or accomplished in my Life.
The problem isn't "being a single mom" - the problem is her. It blows my mind that she can obviously lose multiple men and think all of them are to blame rather than looking at the one common factor in all these failed relationships.
[deleted] 10y ago
Seems obvious to me too.
RaxL 10y ago
Or, maybe she's just shit at choosing men?
To be honest, nearly all of the single women I've seen had a kid with a retard. They're single mothers because they suck at choosing.
[deleted] 10y ago
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Max___Power 10y ago
Wow what a cunt, using your child to manipulate someone like that. My response would have been much less polite.
[deleted] 10y ago
having daughters myself, that hurts to read. Poor girl. While being manipulated i could imagine the poor girl wanting a father also. :(
[deleted] 10y ago
TRP level: Expert
[deleted] 10y ago
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amatorfati 10y ago
Please consider posting the whole story in a new thread, it's exactly the kind of lesson many here still need to learn.
Ronfar 10y ago
I think most women are completely oblivious to the fact that you extremely handicap yourself in the dating & marriage market the minute you have a kid.
Of course there's so much bullshit lies in western culture about single motherhood. So it's sad to see so many women mislead this way.
rebuildingMyself 10y ago
There's a lot of baggage a woman can lie about and cover up, but a bastard kid isn't one of them.
LifterofThings 10y ago
To be fair, she wasn't popping kids out at 17 with no ring on her finger-- she probably assumed her marriage and family would be a "forever" sort of arrangement. That she didn't predict that her husband would knock up the nanny is not really her fault-- I'm all for men and women eating the consequences of their actions, so let's place at least a little bit of the blame where it's due, here.
Ronfar 10y ago
Fair point. I forgot about that. I feel like a bit of an idiot for one of my earlier comments...
QualityControlled 10y ago
I'm going to go so far as to say that if the man in that relationship really did knock up the nanny while married to her, that he probably deserved to shell out for alimony. I think it's an acceptable consequence here.
A redpill subscriber saying an instance of alimony might be okay? What is the world coming to?
rebuildingMyself 10y ago
There's nothing wrong with punishing a breach of contract. It's the "punish party A no matter what breach was made" part that we hate.
RedBigMan 10y ago
Was the single mother a stay at home mom? If so then alimony shouldn't be deserved. You dont see guys getting alimony (or losing any alimony obligations) when some dumb bitch wife goes and spreads her legs and pops out some alpha's baby.
LifterofThings 10y ago
Read the thread. She has a career and money of her own. She's not getting alimony. You are frothing at the mouth over points that nobody is disputing.
Reading comprehension. You want it.
RedBigMan 10y ago
Yeah most men dont predict their wife will go spread her legs to get a quick fill of alpha cock either.
She made the choice to divorce him. That's her choice. Her consequences. Likewise the hubby is likely dealing with his consequences and is probably lost half of everything plus alimony and child support to the mother and probably child support to the nanny as well. He's got the worst of the consequences.
angeliswastaken 10y ago
This is male hamstering. Making excuses for men who make poor choices like getting a whore pregnant? Not RP.
LifterofThings 10y ago
I don't disagree, and those women are shitbags. I'm just saying call it both ways. It sucks that a man pays alimony to an ex wife who cheated, and it sucks that this woman's going through hardships because her husband cheated. Let's not ridicule her for her husband's shitty choices.
angeliswastaken 10y ago
This....so much.
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RedBigMan 10y ago
Cool, well hope you enjoy your stay here.
That said that is how thing should go. Splitting the child's expenses 50/50 (assuming a roughly equal earning potential between both parents).
As for skipping the jurisdiction, that may be his way of covering his ass. Alternatively, regardless of what he does he should 100% demand a paternity test. If the nanny was spreading her legs for him, odds are she's been spreading her legs for other guys too. The kid she is trying to pin on him (and subsequently killed your marriage) might not even be his.
kjax67 10y ago
You're in a tough position. Like it or not, lots of men will not be willing to commit to "the package deal."
My guess would be that you'll learn better screening techniques. You're in the minority not taking child support.
LastRevision 10y ago
The problem is that when men meet her, they want to date her in the short-term, and mislead her about dating her long-term. Any intelligent single mother I've met will always very quickly ask if I'm "okay" with her having a kid- I'll say YES, knowing that she means in the long term and also knowing that I'm not okay with it in the long-term. It is easy here to pretend like you don't understand that you are having two different conversations at the same time, and it's very awkward for the woman to say: "but I mean in the long term, if we start dating..." This is almost like meeting the crazy girl who 15min into your first conversation is like "YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND NOW." This woman understands the reality of her situation, and her PSA at the end indicates that. I don't know what TRP expects these women to do- it's like being the short guy or the ugly guy- you assess, adjust, and keep grinding.
amatorfati 10y ago
It's a case of prevention > cure, nothing else to say. If you make poor life decisions like marrying a guy who impregnates another woman, well guess what? It's gonna be really hard to rebuild your life after wasting your best years on a loser. Is it totally her fault? Of course not, the husband is a scumbag. But fault isn't the question here. When rebuilding your life, you have to take responsibility for yourself. She's avoiding that, hard. She's ascribing blame to everyone but herself because it hurts too much to recognize that the bad marriage has indeed set her back far. Instead it comes across as she's trying to play it off like some minor setback, "Oh yeah I was married and have kids, but we can date like I'm still 22 right?"
Ronfar 10y ago
Immoral? Yes. Surprising? No.
Intelligent single mother? Sounds like an oxymoron. If you were smart, you wouldn't of got yourself in that situation in the first place! I know I'm generalising here, of course there's a few smart ones that are there through unfortunate circumstances (death of spouse etc.), but the majority of them are single mothers through bad partner choice and poor contraception use (which they had 3 lines of defence: condom, morning after-pill and worst-case scenario: abortion).
Realistically, men are going to lie to get what they want (sex).
True. But how many of them realise that at the beginning? It's usually discovered after a load of failed attempts that they realise they need to lower their standards.
rebuildingMyself 10y ago
Don't forget safe zones and adoption. When a single mother us chasing after the ex for child support for a new baby, she made her choice (among many options).
[deleted] 10y ago
I disagree. It isn't immoral to manipulate someone who is trying to manipulate you.
RedBigMan 10y ago
Women lie to get what they want too. They just rationalize it away with the hamster.
Really the only forgiveable circumstance is the death of a spouse. Most of the time they'll have divorved the dad and financially raped him.
rebuildingMyself 10y ago
Yep. They had their alpha fuck, now want the beta bucks.
LastRevision 10y ago
"True. But how many of them realise that at the beginning? It's usually discovered after a load of failed attempts that they realise they need to lower their standards."
Kind of like every-single man on this board with the red pill, right?
Ronfar 10y ago
Most single men on this board didn't make a major life decision that would cripple their chances on the dating market.
A Young man's SMV starts off very low but not by choice.
puck_mar1n 10y ago
The minute I find out that a girl I'm talking to has a kid she's immediately moved to "pump & dump" territory. The option for any sort of relationship is off the table because to me being a single mother is the ultimate sign that you're "used goods" and I don't want to date used goods.
Aside from the obvious stuff like the fact that your relationship with the girl is going to revolve around the kid, having to deal with her ex, etc... I immediately start thinking about what could have possibly gone wrong in her previous relationship with the kid's dad. It always comes down to two things. Either she chose poorly (i.e. the dude is a douche) or she did something to fuck it up. Neither of which are acceptable as far as I'm concerned.
I also think that regardless of what they may say, single moms are looking for a replacement dad for their kids when they are looking for perspective partners and that's a huge turnoff.
Ronfar 10y ago
Just last week I was with a friend who was stressing out about his single mum girlfriend who he couldn't get in contact. The ex/father had come back and had stolen the girl's phone. My friend called his girl and found the ex/father on the side, who had been looking through the photos on the phone of my friend and his girl together. The ex/father pretty pissed at him said "these photos of you two together are killing me y'know..."
So my mates had all this shit to handle, all from dating this single mum... I told him not to bother with any single mums next time. The baggage that comes with them isn't worth it.
[deleted] 10y ago
I'll wager $10 that this quote (with no context added, of course) will show up over at /r/TheBluePill within the next few hours.
Anyway, you make excellent points. The OP is just wallowing and looking for other women to chime in, "yeah, men are shallow pigs!" just because intelligent men know better than to agree to raise some other chump's offspring.
Side note: does anyone else notice that all of these women claim that they are attractive "for [their] age"? It's like these rant-posts have some kind of auto-template.
puck_mar1n 10y ago
100% chance and they will frame it in some way as to make it sound like I was saying that women with kids are "used goods" because they have had sex or some nonsense like that.
Obviously that's not the point I was making. Women with kids are "used goods" because they have been in serious, (probably) long term relationships before. They have more baggage than most people for their age.
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puck_mar1n 10y ago
And there it is... it's posted in TBP now.
RedBigMan 10y ago
Women with kids are used goods because they've made bad decisions.
1) To get pregnant
2) To keep the kid
3) To ditch the father/husband
4) They've probably rode the carousel before and after the relationship where they had that kid.
Shitty_Human_Being 10y ago
Ever thought that there might be reasona that she became a single mom? Husband died, divorce, or things just didn't work?
RedBigMan 10y ago
The only acceptable reason is the husband dying. Everything else is the result of female hypergamy barring extreme situations like physically abusive man or whatever. I'd guess they're maybe 5% of all divorces have a real bonafide reason to split. The rest is just because it's convenient or they just want to go fuck other people.
Now back to the single mom thing. The fact of the matter is IT DOES NOT MATTER to the guy how she became a single mom, her hubby could have been run over by a bus or got shot by some terrorists in Afghanistan. The fact that there is a kid involved it decreases her SMV.
Now here is an example. Say a woman is a solid 8-9 before she has kids. She finds a guy who's an 8-9 and gets married and has kids. Then through whatever means she ends up single. Having a kid is a HUGE negative to any guy pursuing a LTR. This means that while she might still have the looks of a 8-9, the kid drops her value so she's effectively a 5-6 now. She should be looking at guys who are in the 5-6 range for LTR because if she's bringing home 8-9's all that is going to happen is she's gonna get pumped and dumped because 8-9's can get better women that dont have a kid.
Shitty_Human_Being 10y ago
And you don't want to fuck other people? Ever felt that while in a LTR that you maybe wanted to try something else?
As for the ratings or whatever you're using I don't use those, so I don't understand. Mind explaining?
Oh, also! SMV?
RedBigMan 10y ago
I've stopped giving a fuck about fucking other people. I think I self-identify with MGTOW more than the PUA side of things.
SMV stands for Sexual Marketplace Value (basically how valuable you are for a potential relationship material). There was a thread not too long ago about the use of the 1-10 scale. Like you dont typically see a 1-2 out and about (they're usually disfigured and the like). Likewise you dont see many 8-9's running around either. The elusive 10 is a misnomer because they are usually 9's with which some guy has a fetish for a particular aspect of a woman which pushes her up to that level for him (like liking Japanese Women or girls with huge boobs).
Ultimately it's just a mental exercise and example to show how someone has to re-adjust their goals when other factors (such as a kid) are in play. That said when there is a kid involved you wont get the same quality of man you had before, it's only downhill from there (most women think they can get better guys but that is delusional).
ugdr6424 10y ago
The relevant question: Does the fact that she has kids always come out upfront, or after she's gotten fucked?
RedBigMan 10y ago
Good point... Many women will hide the fact they have kids to gauge a guy before letting them know because kids are such a red light for many men.
If she is upfront then that limits her from 100% of potential men to 10% of potential men or less.
IllimitableMan 10y ago
Except when you state this say, on reddit - all the entitled bitches jump out and start shaming you for that choice/held opinion. HA~!
JoshtheAspie 10y ago
It seems like these guys know these men have for dating-goals, and she knows what they want... but that she just doesn't want to accept that.
Did she come right out and say, at the start of the relationship that she was trying to find a new husband? If she started off with that conversation early, around the time she brought up she was a single mom, or before, then the guys not interested would probably bail at that point.
If she doesn't bring it up early, how does she justify being angry with men that didn't state their vision of the relationship at the start either? I imagine that it is because men are agents, and should just know to do things, or some variation there of. I.e. The hypocracy is okay, because of sex roles, and sex differences.
EDIT:
By the way, I find some of the comments ammusing. A fair number of them basically go to validation of the woman's feelings with no reason behind it, and shaming of men they don't know for not being "man enough" to want to raise annother guy's kids.
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LastRevision 10y ago
I don't see anything wrong with her rant- she's looking for honesty, which is a fair, though sadly unrealistic, expectation.
invisiblephrend 10y ago
seriously. the husband cheated on her and tore apart the family. i find that to be the fucked up part. that, and the people chastizing her over something she presumably had no control over. a real man looks out for his kids. she sounds very mature and her complaints are more than valid. it doesn't sound like she's trying to trap anyone into marriage. she's frustrated with being a single mom because she knows that kids need a father figure in their lives and guys are dating her just for sex and pretending to be interested in the kids. i wish her the best of luck.
TRPsubmitter 10y ago
It's whether or not she can accept that honesty from men is the issue. Like almost all women in her situation, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
Even when she is faced with the truth, she can't accept it and blames men for their own autonomous decision to refuse her, which is within any man's right to do. She's not entitled to any relationship...and certainly not when she has two kids from another male.
LifterofThings 10y ago
So I'm curious... what should she do? Inform men up front that she's not interested in getting intimate except within the confines of a committed relationship? Raise her value to a point where the kids are less of an issue?
I'm not trying to be snarky-- genuinely curious as to what one might do in this situation (I'm blessedly child-free, so I've never been in this position).
rebuildingMyself 10y ago
This wouldn't be a big issue if she lowered her standards
HalfysReddit 10y ago
I haven't seen her blame men at all honestly. Not once have I seen her say that men are the problem, aside from ranting that men who are not interested in dating a single mom should make that known when they start dating a single mom (which seems fair to me).
If anything, I get the impression that she fully acknowledges how she found herself in this situation.
enticingasthatmaybe 10y ago
She's faulting the men for exercising their fundamental human right to change their minds. Furthermore, she's refusing to look at the lowest common denominator with all of her examples; her own self. Maybe, just maybe she's not really dateable and the men are using the fact that she has kids as an out.
I've dated single mothers, but I've never been able to really get to LTR relationship status with them and it never had anything to do with the fact that they had kids. Hell, I have a daughter myself. There was always something about them that grated me badly enough to hard next them.
anothermonth 10y ago
Kids are a huge detriment. Obviously not for you, since you have that of your own. You have a lot in common to share with single moms so it might be even a plus.
I'm clueless why it's so surprising for her.
mutualaid 10y ago
You're really bending over backwards to read between the lines
TRPsubmitter 10y ago
NAWALT!
Yep, this particular woman is a special snowflake, amirite? This woman only wants some lovin'! Ain't her fault! Stop reading too much into it!
Barf...
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TheRabid 10y ago
I have usually found it concerning when people talk in absolutes or use the concept of "real". For example, where are the "real" men? It suggests a division between one group (ie man vs real men) and places some obtuse qualities of one side of the group over the other. I understand why she does it. I'll likely do it in the future too (although I'll try not to), but it's still concerning.
FountainsOfFluids 10y ago
Her husband cheated. Why shouldn't she file?
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FountainsOfFluids 10y ago
This is nonsense. The man impregnated another woman. The marriage is kaput.
Now if you want to argue that her usurpation of the male role in the marriage is partially at fault for pushing him away from their relationship, that's reasonable. But I've never bought that "she filed for divorce, so she's in the wrong" argument that goes around this sub. It's absolute bullshit.
RedBigMan 10y ago
Not necessarily wrong but the truth is that 90% of the time the Woman is the decider in whether to file for divorce or not. She had the option to stay and try and make it work.
If the roles were reversed and she went out and got pregnant with the pool boy you could be sure as shit society would expect her hubby to try and work it out. That my friend is what you call a double standard. Man is expected to make it work, Woman is expected to dump his ass.
icallmyselfmonster 10y ago
For better or worse...
People have rebuilt after something like that.
FountainsOfFluids 10y ago
I agree, it is possible. And for lesser cheating offenses, I have even argued recently that the couple should go to counseling before divorcing. But it is absolutely absurd for this level of betrayal that anybody should expect her to stay with the guy. That is what I am arguing here. The idea that she shouldn't file for divorce and deserves to be alone because she did? Ridiculous. There are plenty of other things to mock this person about, but that is not one of them.
icallmyselfmonster 10y ago
I don't think she should be ridiculed. But you live the life you made by the decisions you make. She wants the share some of that culpability with the men she meets, that is what isn't fair. I get the impression she doesn't make good decisions and that sympathy shouldn't be as easily afforded to her.
MrsStrom 10y ago
How does her filing for divorce necessarily make it her fault? I'm the one that pulled the trigger on divorce with my ex-husband, but he was the one that got violent.
vengefully_yours 10y ago
What I have found is that no matter what she does before she files, its always the mans fault. Both of mine filed, the first one was abusive to me and the kids as well as cheating. The second one was cheating, using me, and then decided to get me in trouble with the law in an attempt to make herself look better.
Of course, I am the bad guy in both marriages, because I didnt beat them, didnt cheat, and didnt file. Its always the mans fault, doesnt matter if he cheats or she does, its his fault.
MrsStrom 10y ago
To be fair, you're always the hero in your own story. That said, if it happens to you, it is your fault. Case in point: I should have never married my ex-husband, and my (current/last) husband should have never married his ex-wife. Both of our exes are bat shit crazy and we should have seen it; but we didn't and that is our own fault.
vengefully_yours 10y ago
My second was wonderful until she was suckered in by said loser that lives with his parents and cant keep a job due to his personality. Best relationship I ever had, never expected her to fall for such inane pick up lines and bullshit. She was my best friend, and things were great for almost ten years, then the kid who is 7 years younger than she is came along and now its all gone. Yet somehow, I am always the bad guy.
Only two weeks before she started fucking this kid, she was telling me how well we fit together, and how she couldn't imagine being with anyone else. It looks like they are done now, she had her fling with an idiot, but has fucked things up so badly there is no way in hell I would take her back. So she has to make me look like the bad guy. The guy isnt intelligent, looks like a 24 year old version of the dad from Alf, but acts very arrogant because he was home schooled and was never put in his place. She threw away a good relationship for nothing. Life teaches hard lessons, this one will affect the rest of her life. 31 year old homely women wont be getting guys like me.
MrsStrom 10y ago
Sounds like he had decent game. Sorry about your ex-wife though. If you're still interested in a LTR, you should look into MMSL. I have both books and they've really helped to improve an already good relationship. I'm regularly giving my husband tips on how to game me.
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Actually, no, he has lame game, high school kids have better game than he does. Its quite sad and pathetic, he is desperate and stalked a friend of mine for 6 months until her brother and father threatened him with bodily harm. She is simply naive, inexperienced and was willing to jump to the first remotely interesting guy who showed interest. Its partly due to her self esteem, she feels she doesnt deserve anyone and knows she is not very pretty, so even while having a man who does have good game as well as much more going for him, she still left. Cant fix the self esteem thing with game.
Its really sad, but she has her own life and she can fuck it up if she wants to. My game is tight, and I am a good looking guy with lots of interest from ladies when I go into town. However, I did not realize I had to continue to game her over the years, and I tended to believe the bullshit women say they want. Believe me, I wont make that mistake again.
Not sure if I want another LTR, it seems I can only get about 5-8 years out of them, and they have been getting progressively more detrimental when they leave. The first ruined me financially, this one is trying to get me thrown in prison or get me to kill myself. Seriously. I think the next one might actually kill me or I could end up in a real life story of "Misery" without the book writing. At least the second one left my money and possessions alone, I wanted to thank her for that today at the final hearing, but she wasnt sure if she was ok to talk for a minute.
GaiusScaevolus 10y ago
My biggest problem with dating single moms is the line "My kid(s) will always be #1 in my life". That's all fine and good, but they need to realize that they should never expect to be #1 in any man's life.
Never make someone your number 1 if you're only there number 2.
enticingasthatmaybe 10y ago
It's always a goddamn lie anyway. She will always make decisions based on her own wants and desires first and foremost.
RedBigMan 10y ago
Her desires will always coordinate with her kid's wellbeing since she has more invested in them than any random man that would be dating her.
The parent post has the best advice.
redpilldude 10y ago
I think this woman is oblivious to the fact that these men do not know exactly what they want in a relationship. These men wanted to take a chance and date a single mom to see how it would turn out. They didn't have the foresight to know that they wouldn't enjoy dating a single mom. These men aren't oracles.
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ANALGAPE 10y ago
a scapegoat
[deleted] 10y ago
I like "a escape goat" better. From now on I will always have an escape goat ready...
meatp1e 10y ago
When I picture him, he has a saddle. Does your escape goat have a saddle? Or is he merely a pack mule, carrying your Go Bag?
[deleted] 10y ago
It's not even that sophisticated. He's just there. Chillin' outside, munching on some grass and then, out of nowhere, I come tear-assing around the corner, jump on his back and we're out!
Although a saddle would be more comfortable.
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