Obtaining plates is a simple matter. You work out, spend time refining your social skills, slaughter the temptation for oneitis in your heart, and go out and do your thing. You find a girl who's hot, game her, take her home and fuck her brains out, and then kick her out the door. If she calls you back, great, you can fuck her again. If not, oh well, who cares? You've got 100 other women in line chomping at the bit waiting to be your willing cum dumpster.
That sounds great, and it definitely fosters an attitude of abundance. And as we know, that attitude is critical. Women come and go, and understanding that is also critical. Plating and letting go teaches you that it's okay if she skips on you. It's not that you don't care about whether she does or not, as it is an irritating inconvenience when it inevitably happens.
Over time, I felt that the routine of gaming and fucking, gaming and fucking was really quite empty. There is more to us than being raging fuck monsters (though we are that as well). We bond, we share, we provide, and all of these things are things that women also find attractive.
Attachment and Bonding
Oxytocin is the hormone that (is believed to be) largely responsible for a slew of human behaviors and emotions. These include such things as empathy, generosity, affection, love, favoritism, bias, and predjudice. When we are exposed to the hormone, either through expressing or receiving affection, sex, or experiencing belonging, or understanding, etc., we become more attached to the individuals in question. This is why we tend to form a group mentality; oxytocin urges us to trust those we are close to, and that trust causes us to view others with distrust; this creates the us-vs-them dynamic. It is also why we experience "oneitis."
It is interesting to note, that TRP recommends that we don't grow attached to our plates; it recommends that we fuck them and let them go in an effort to avoid the dreaded "oneitis." Our brains work they way they always have, and it is known that sex increases the strength of the bond you share with the person you have sex with. This is inevitable, and over time that bond will grow despite your efforts. It is impossible to not feel anything if we are truly honest with ourselves. However, it is exactly that feeling that we elicit in women, when they want to be around us. That feeling of safety, security, and well-being that is provided by the oxytocin flooding her brain when we connect with them. Just as they need it, we too need it.
The Harm of the Revolving Door
If attachment is inevitable, just as inevitable as hypergamy or anything else that TRP preaches, then why is it do we recommend that we do not grow attachments? TRP suggests, and the attitude is fairly clear, that we sever these bonds on the routine. To break them before they threaten us, to isolate ourselves from the risks and dangers of a deeply intimate relationship. The experience of loss is a real result of these activities, and, no matter how minor, they add up over time. This fear, however justified, prohibits men from reaching their apex. Just as women hamster away that the next Chad is just around the corner, we men hamster away that fear.
Women who engage in repeated sexual promiscuity inevitably develop the "thousand-cock stare." Described as a hollow, almost mournful look, it is associated with the inability to pair-bond due to the self-inflicted psychological trauma of riding the cock-carousel. It is precisely because they have been severing their bonds repeatedly that this hapoens. Either due to denying themselves the fullness of bonding, or due to the repeated injury of severing these bonds over time. Perhaps both.
It is fallacious to assume that we men are immune to the effects of oxytocin. It is harmful to have high turnover with your plates. It may take years, but eventually you will likely experience times where sex really just isn't that interesting anymore. You aren't getting one of the strongest reinforcing hormones that builds bonds, and are experiencing a loss, however small, every time you have sex. It doesn't lead you to where your brain literally needs you to be from time to time.
It is then, inevitably harmful in the long run to sever these bonds repeatedly and without remorse. Do not fear growing close, it is inevitable. However, one should be aware so they can take action accordingly and reasonably.
The life of a plate can be extended by leveraging attachment. This attachment creates a sense of trust, of being a part of your group, a sense of safety and belonging, something that took time to develop, and something they will not easily want to throw away. That doesn't mean being a pushover, pedestalizing women, or giving them everything they want. Men who do this value attachment over their own well-being, and inevitably get burned wondering what went wrong.
You can build attachment in a number of ways:
1) Sex 1) Cuddling after sex 1) Bathing/Grooming together/eachother 1) Exploring together 1) Acts of generosity 1) Encouraging good choices 1) Sustained eye contact 1) Proper Dread*
*Your plates should always believe that you'll drop them at a moment's notice if they repeatedly fail to live up to your expectations. It will give them a sense of accomplishment when they know that you have choices and have chosen (so far) to not eliminate them from your life.
I almost always cuddle with my plates after sex. Always. They will form an attachment to you this way, and over time it will be one they don't want to lose if you possess healthy, masculine qualities. They will do more to keep you happy, do more to keep you close, and do more despite the fact that they know you are seeing other women.
Bathing and grooming is an intimate behavior, and it shows care for the other. I've had plates do my hair, bite my nails, do my laundry, and more. Washing her hair in the shower, cleaning in the intimate nooks and crannies, all of it goes.
There's a reason why they say to take your date out to multiple venues and to avoid boring places. Multiple venues fosters multiple instances of memory, and fosters the sense of belonging and attachment. Especially when you physically escalate. Do it, and do it often.
Being generous, and not foolhardy. Being generous when they are truly, and desperately in need, is core to being both a good man and to fostering solid attachments. If you cannot care for her, there's no need for her to stay. She needs to find someone who can. This is inevitable. Don't forget, if you choose this, it is up to you to not be taken advantage of. Only part with what you are willing to lose. And if you cannot, perhaps you should not be at all.
Always encourage them to make good healthy choices. From seeking treatment for problems, to eating better, to exercise. One of my best FWBs, she was an alcoholic, and she hid it well. One day she called out of the blue telling me it was over, and when I inquired, she said she was entering into a treatment program and wouldn't be available for a long while. I told her that that was a good thing, and that I am glad to see she is taking steps to grow. She was surprised that I wasn't angry or upset, and even though she needs some emotional support from me from time to time, it is a minor cost.
Prolonged eye contact, in excess of 5 seconds, can cause attachment as well. This has been documented in a few other studies. Strangers who engage in lengthy, friendly, eye contact report feeling safer, friendlier, and more trusting of the other person. This is riskier in terms if developing oneitis, as it will have the same effect on you.
These behaviors, when used sparingly and correctly at the right times, will improve your relationships with your plates, and prolong their time. This, in turn, will help keep you whole.
Do not attempt these things if you are unaware of the risks.
I've had plates beg for commitment but still come back for more, because I give them what they need. A sense of belonging. I've even had ones willingly change their perspectives on monogamy so they could stay. However, I have had crazy single moms come visit me at odd times because I called it off for their crazy antics. Being too generous, close, supportive, etc., Is a one-way ticket to male purgatory. Just as you love carefully and without expectation, you must attach carefully and be prudent about that attachment. Likewise, you can develop a focused oneitis if you are not careful. I've felt that urge a number of times, though in hindsight that possibility never really goes away anyway.
Expand your horizons, develop a deeper bond with a select few women and see where that takes you. You may surprise yourself when you discover that your plates will share a desire to grow and become more merely by being in your presence. They will work to improve, and work to change insofar as you support and encourage that positive growth. Be the example you wish to see from your plates.
Your plates, and your mind, will thank you.
Added sustained eye contact