I had been texting and Snapchatting a girl from back home for months, on and off, before she was finally free- she invited me over to her house to watch a movie. Now, I knew she had a boyfriend. She knew she had a boyfriend. She told me as much over text a few times. But despite all this, there she was, leaning her head on my shoulder five minutes into the movie. Hans Gruber hadn’t even taken over Nakatomi Plaza by the time her bra came off. We had our fun, the movie ended, and I made my way to the nearest subway stop grinning ear to ear.
But, my dear friends, I’m sure you already know how this one goes. The night of, she texted me to make sure I got home safe, and we were making plans for our next ‘movie.’ The next day, she wasn’t sure she should’ve done that, but her schedule was looking pretty clear the next time I had a weekend off. Two days later? It was all my fault, I should have known she had a boyfriend, I was the bad guy. Nothing new. In close proximity, though, none of that had mattered. I got what I wanted from her, on the first try in person, when months of doing it the “new way” got me nowhere.
When you’re a college freshman in 2019, every communication is on iMessage, GroupMe, Snapchat, or Instagram. Maybe an e-mail if shit has gotten really serious. Sit back and think about that- it’s fucking weird, right? This is the only time in your life that everyone you deal with, socially and professionally, lives within a 5-minute walk, maybe even in the same building, and you just fire off a Snap and hope someone responds? But that’s just how it is... but when have we ever just accepted “how it is?”
A month or so into the school year, I decided to start doing shit in person. I was sick and tired of sending out group texts and silently begging for results, so one day, I just started knocking on doors. I needed signatures for an event on our floor- with enough of these, the school would pay for some shitty pizza (don’t judge- it’s free food and we’re broke). Knocking on doors, chatting with my next-door neighbors, and even making the occasional sales pitch, I got enough signatures in one night- more than the meager three people who’d signed up because of group chats or Instagram DMs. I got the signatures, we got the pizza, I got the recognition, and it warmed my little introverted heart.
Now, I’m no psychologist, I can’t explain what it is about looking someone in the eye and making connections that works so goddamn well. But it’s a little tidbit of what was common sense to our forefathers, but in the utterly weird world we live in today, it’s lost on the generation that would rather Tweet than talk. You can’t bed a girl with a selfie, you can’t earn your boss or instructor’s respect with an e-mail, and you can’t get what you want from life by texting someone for it.
You need to look them in the eye, shake their hand, and make it known- “This is what I’m doing with my life. It’s fucking great. You in?”
KeffirLime 5y ago
It's something I learnt early on in my business career. I'd get a decent price over email, I'd get a better price on the phone and I'd get the best price face to face, hands down every time. Over the phone or email it's the easiest thing in the world swatting away proposals, essentially it's rejecting words on a screen
In face to face encounters you're building rapport, an emotional connection. You're able to sell yourself with quirks an nuances that make you unique and appealing. They would be rejecting a person, who they've just built a bond with, and most people are too empathetic to just say no.
Interactions with women follow the same model, you'll always get your best price face to face, where you can build rapport, present yourself effectively and tap into their emotions to build a connection. You're also getting to view your product first and give it a test run which simply isn't available online.
OutsideTheCage3 5y ago
Minimize social media, maximize real life.
_do_not_read_this_ 5y ago
In addition, it makes the OP the stand out amongst an ocean of texts, dm's and "like"s.
And as the OP does this more, he'll hopefully learn the immediate joys of watching a woman's reaction to being asked on a date (or her discomfort in rejecting, it's all fun!) - the blush, the coy look down, the smile ... so much fun just in the process that's being missed out on by touching the "send" button and sitting there hoping for a response 4 hours later, if that.
KeffirLime 5y ago
All to get to a face to face encounter anyway.
Gen Z's are the most socially awkward Generation I've ever engaged with. A cold approach on the street is a one way ticket to blushing, hair twirling and nervous smiles. They've been so incubated and separated from other generations and eachother that they don't know how to handle themselves.
You look like a stud too because Matt and Aaron and all her other orbiters only like girls on tinder and instagram.
_do_not_read_this_ 5y ago
I don't "approach" the kids that way, but in my experience the opposite, the young girls (college age) are actually pretty friendly, outgoing, willing to joke around, always a big smile and great eye contact. It could be they're starved for positive male attention, I've heard some say it's rare for a guy to straight out ask on a date, it's usually "uh, hey, uh, if you're not, you know, uh, busy, uh, maybe you want to hang out, I don't know, sometime, uh..."
Now, I only talk to them in/after class at the yoga studio where I teach, and I'm the old white dude who's older than their dads so maybe there's a "daddy" dynamic adding to the friendliness (if they only knew ... [evil laugh]). But they all seem pretty friendly.
And before you ask, no, I haven't. But I'm working on it, it's a tough pick-up, teaching is my mission so I don't want to ruin my repu in the community. But I'm working on it. Oh this cute chubber in class the other day ....
So the OP is so much ahead of the game by learning (a) do it in person; and (b) learning how to be direct and ask for what you want - "go for no"!
KeffirLime 5y ago
Yeah it's a bit of a different kettle of fish approaching them with clear intentions, it ignites the sexual mechanisms over the platanoic mechanisms.
I admire your restraint though, tight young honey in yoga attire, parading their asses in my face would take the strength of Zeus and all the Olympians to hold me back.
You're so right about the lack of direct communication, which comes down to poor social skills and a Feminized society where guys communicate femininely with covert intentions.
I assume also because we've become so poor at dealing with failure in our coddled upbringings.
_do_not_read_this_ 5y ago
I'm learning about this and reading up on it lately. Kind of touchy-feely for me but lot of guys swear by it, "imagine you're fucking her" before you approach her and somehow she can feel the vibe.
Like I said, I don't want to ruin my calling. One or two pick-ups in a year might be understood and forgiven if they even found out (the guy who runs the studio married a former student) but walking into a class with an eye to getting laid would be bad news, chicks pick up on this. I might try it during class to a cutie, though, see what happens. Not too overt but plausibly deniable "Hey I was just smiling" ha ha.
Edit: I also get "built in" Kino at yoga because there is some small touching that is allowed during class; and if I'm walking out of the studio talking to a girl I might naturally (no, really) put my hand in the small of her back to lead her, teacher's privilege I call it. But I'm naturally touchy that way lately (no, really).
KeffirLime 5y ago
Yeah it works, you give just enough sexual energy so that she's aware of your intentions but not to the point of overt desperation. This sets up the foundations for her to know your intentions and then imagine scenarios of you intimately rather than platonically which builds a bond. A womens attraction builds narratively rather than visually, so you have to give her the fuel to build that narrative.
Yeah, you don't want to shit where you eat, or become the pervy yoga teacher archetype, although plausible deniability is definintely on your side. "I was just helping her stretch" "This fuckin #metoo generation" haha. The bigger problem is not necessarily making advances, because that you can guage as you go and figure out when you're crossing boundaries. It's when you bang them and don't treat them like a princess and then they start destroying your name.
_do_not_read_this_ 5y ago
Your entire response was spot-on, thanks.
It's this damn Yelp!, one bad review and I'm cooked!
If I decide to move on someone I'll try it maybe one quick pervy smile during class ("did he just ... wait ... did he ...?") and by then I'm on the other side of the room doing something else. After class I could plausibly invite a girl to the local tea house (chicks love that place) or for a quick tea at the cafe they just built at the yoga studio, then guage interest from there. Isolate and all that, "What, I just asked her to tea, what's wrong with that?" even though I fucking hate tea, ha ha!
citizen1a 5y ago
“You need to look them in the eye, shake their hand, and make it known- “This is what I’m doing with my life. It’s fucking great. You in?””
This is my motto for the rest of 2019
snowmoose1 5y ago
It’s easy to just ignore or don’t bother with messages because you sort of don’t need to take any immediate action cause the person isn’t standing in front of you. I don’t know what the girl had anything to do with your story tho, however i do agree with you. Generation Z have little to no social skills whatsoever so going straight to the point in reality one-on-one they don’t know how to wave you off and get rid of you in fashionable way so they just stay and listen to what you have to say.
Shadowthrice 5y ago
How do you make them stay,
and listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
KeffirLime 5y ago
Social skills are taking a nose dive. So much of business is conducted online, through emails or other online programs. Back in the day you knew most of your clients and customers, nowadays it's all through a screen.
Dating is heading down the same route. What I've found though is that human beings software is built for that connection, we crave it, it just needs to be tapped into. In a world drunk on technological barriers, those who are skilled connecters, good talkers with strong social skills will thrive. They're a dying breed and with rarity their value is going up.
JagungPhP 5y ago
Heyy, I'm interested in building my social skills. Do you happen to have any tips or tricks? Thanks!
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KeffirLime 5y ago
Same way you get good at golf, you play golf.
It's best to know the techniques to practice to yield maximum return on investment, such as talking with confidence, eye contact, voice projecting, humor. The best way is to watch others who are good at it. See what social cues you can pick up on and incorporate them into your repertoire.
It will almost certainly feel uncomfortable at first, but consistent practice makes it progressively easier.
snowmoose1 5y ago
That’s why the only way to be successful in online gaming is if you have the body of a greek god cause the woman can’t judge by other senses other than the vision of the eyes. Like you say, you can be a 5 or a 6 and have the charisma and social skills that pull 10’s meanwhile Chad can be a 9 but is super fucking awkward and blow off those quality women. But what do i know, from what i’ve seen quality guys lowered their standards to shits and stick their dick into anything because feminism have raised the ego of those fat fucks of ugly bitches making them think they are Megan Fox looking or something.
KeffirLime 5y ago
I was originally of the opinion that online gaming by it's nature signaled low value, so there was no way you could be an "Online Chad"(because if you were such a Chad slaying pussy you wouldn't be online). But, it seems to be becoming the default nowadays, all kids use it growing up. It's lost it's stigma and has rather become the norm.
To your point though, social media/online is feminine leaning. Men value looks, so women's value explodes, while women value Alpha behaviors which can't be expressed online. Add in eggs are expensive, sperm is cheap as a base rule which is amplified online and you've got the scales heavily tipped towards the feminine imperative. Which is partly why society is heading in the direction it is so rapidly.
Men need to stop spraying online validation, get offline, improve their game and learn how to present themselves properly IRL if they ever expect to make inroads.
AGallopingMonkey 5y ago
I still think it has a stigma. As you said, all these kids play video games growing up, and once they’re adults that type of thing rightfully takes a back seat. Ninja, the fortnite gamer dude, is the most popular gamer there is and it’s still weird to see him on a TV commercial as someone who plays video games still. All my friends have zero idea who he is and think he’s fucking weird because of his pink or blue hair. The stigma now is less about nerdiness and more to deal with maturity. Why is someone still obsessed with video games at 30 years old?
omen_tenebris 5y ago
If you didn't fuck her, somebody else would have.
CasaDeFranco 5y ago
It's not really worth it though, women who have partners are inherently low trust (more than most women) and their partners will more likely want to break your legs than realise their perfect partner betrayed them.
A beta betrayed, a man who invested too much in his partner can be unpredictable at best, dangerous at worst.
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MrFiles 5y ago
I've been in door to door sales for about 4 years now and I can't instantly see how this could be extremely helpful and I want to start implementing it into the rest of my life
The fact is when a person is in your face they aren't distracted by anything else. Also you are going to be more visural real they can FEEL you and your energy.
Good post
huey764 5y ago
Agreed. Months of texting get you nowhere.
russian_nigger 5y ago
best leads come from knocking doors. i say that to my real estate colleagues but most of them are a bunch of spineless faggots that only settle for mediocre results. which only makes me say in my head "that's why you're fucking poor"
Varsel 5y ago
Way too many put way too much importance on rejection. It's like anything else, done enough and you get thick-skinned, so that it stings less and less, til the day comes when it don't mean shit.
Zech4riah 5y ago
Wow, you really are into her?
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DropDeadTyrant 5y ago
This is what I'm goddamn looking for. I'm not zoned for my highschool and my family is too poor for even a $60 a month minute plan. The drive to school is 30min. I literally couldn't get a date if I tried. I can't build attraction in a 45min class period and if I can't get a number, there's no way I could even set up a date. I need college to come so I can finally get serious about getting a damn date. I'm tired of my parents going "all you have to do is ask someone out". no it isn't. you don't ask someone out without building at least a basic friendship and I can't fucking do that without a damn phone. So hopefully college lets me bypass this shit.
Pill-de-Blasio 5y ago
Stop making excuses man. Why can’t you build attraction in 45 minutes? You think it takes an hour for a girl to know she wants some dick from some dude who’s jacked and takes care of himself? Nah. Takes seconds. Better yourself. And while you’re doing that, still try and get numbers. Who cares if you get rejected? No need to wait until college. Start now so when you DO get to college you have a better understanding on what works and what doesn’t.
Heinous_White_Man 5y ago
Yes, because no one built rapport before the 80s without cell phones. Stop making excuses and just ask a girl out.
dalkride 5y ago
Your main goal shouldn't be going on dates in High School, you should be focusing on succeeding at everything you're currently partaking in to set yourself up for a successful future.
Regardless, there's ways to take affirmative action and garner friendships or relationships (two VERY different things) without the use of a phone. Schools have lunch breaks (usually an hour, that's plenty of time to talk to at least 3 people and leave an impression on them), talk to people then, stop being a pussy and waiting for a "good time" to talk to someone.
If you want to try and talk to someone, do it. If they shut you down, who cares, next. If you have any spare periods or empty class blocks, find a girl who shares the same free period as you and try to talk to her. So what if it's weird or she seems busy? You want to talk? Talk.
In conclusion you shouldn't be worrying about bitches in High School, but if you are, just fuckin do the work to get one. Stop making excuses for yourself and saying "It's not the right time/place/mood". Who gives a fuck? Own the situation you're in and make the best of it. Stop spending your time and energy making reasons to not do things, it's not productive.
_A_L_3_X_ 5y ago
do you even lift bro? it makes such a huge difference. i went from being the invisible new boy in class to the most jacked dude in our year, propably even in school. All it took was half a year of lifting 4 times a week with enough protein. You also start noticing what a bunch of little pusies with no muscles all the guys are.