Forums.Red / TheRedPill / Red Pill Theory

AloofusMaximus

Posted 5y ago in Red Pill Theory - Permalink - Locked - 108 Views

Over the past several weeks I've noticed a lot of guys supposedly "nexting" women, and in reality they have no clue as to what a next is or how it works.

Let's start of by why nexting works. A next is an intentional withdrawal of attention as punishment, due to some type of bad behavior on her part. Men crave sex, women crave attention, and electrolytes are what plants crave.

A hard next is completely cutting someone out of your life, and is pretty extreme. I've never had to use a hard next on a woman, but I don't fuck crazy. It may be necessary to hard next women that are exceptionally crazy, and otherwise people that are just bad for you (friends/family/etc). Some reasons why you WOULD hard next a woman would be things like...calling the police on you for a domestic, stalking, uninvited showing up at your house, stealing from you,etc. If you avoid crazy women in the first place, you shouldn't really have much of a reason to hard next them. A woman that's trying to waste your time/slot you as an orbiter would be worthy of a hard next (but there really isn't much investment by either party so it's whatever).

Where I see a lot of guys going wrong is with soft nexting. Soft nexts are when you withdraw all of your attention from her for a few days,because of something SHE did (if you prompted or provoked it, it's your fault she's being a cunt). Duration is determined by the degree of the offense, and degree of attention she requires (since this is different for different women). The other part of it (and where I see a lot of guys misunderstanding) is that she actually needs to be invested in you (you're actually fucking her). Investment on her part, is 100% necessary; otherwise it's not a punishment.

I see things like "I got this girls number and she blew me off for a date so I'm gonna soft next her", no you're not.... Obviously she wasn't interested enough to come out, so she really doesn't give a shit about your few days of NC. In a lot of the cases it's YOUR fault that resulted in the outcome, not hers. Didn't confirm a date, sent her a dickpick, became an orbiter, texted her like the thirsty chump you are, are all things that you did that blew it.

When you DO use softs (again this has to be a woman you're actually dating/fucking). When she intentionally picks a fight/starts an argument, takes her bad day out on you, throws you bullshit for no reason. In these cases she knows that she fucked up and that you're not talking to her as a result. Also, in most cases, you don't even need to explain anything...because they what they did and why they were being nexted.

TLDR:
Nexting is punishment.
Can't punish women you're not actually fucking

Permalink

Robster25 5y ago

As much as I agree with you on the definitions of hard/soft next, I have to disagree with you on the purpose of nexting. You don't next girls as a punishment, but more out of respect for yourself. She should not matter. Let's take your example and say that she called the cops on you for no reason: You hard next her, because you don't want to stay in contact with someone who tries to ruin your life, not as a punishment for her behaviour. Your focus should lie on you: Shall I waste my time with someone who tries to ruin my life? Of course not. Why bother with her behaviour, it is your life.

Thus I have to disagree with your second point, too: You don't need to fuck a girl/have her emotionally invested in you, to next her. Again, the focus lies on you. Do you want to tolerate bad behaviour? No. What she thinks does not matter.

[deleted]

AloofusMaximus 5y ago

Regarding the hard nexts I absolutely agree with your point. I hadn't really considered it that way, and won't make any arguments there. Like I said I've never had to hard next a woman outside of basically stopping communication cause she's a validation whore, but I don't really consider that the same thing. The same thing applies to my friends and family. Although some disagree with my lifestyle, they're not any degree of a negative influence on it. In that sense I've been pretty lucky to have not surrounded myself with bad people.

On point 2 though I'm absolutely going to disagree. There must be a high level of investment (in you from her) for this to actually work. Otherwise it's not a big deal. Women almost always have options, and if you're not at the top of that list then your attention isn't her biggest concern anyway.

You're making 2 contradictory points IMO. Tolerating bad behavior, and not giving a shit are 2 conflicting ideas. I very much hold the view of she can do whatever the hell she wants, and I'm going to do the same. Trying to lay down rules and curb bad behavior are mostly problems dudes have cause they have a mono gf/oneitis (dude problem, not woman problem). If she's having a girls night out, that's fine I'll fuck someone else.

Robster25 5y ago

On point 2 though I'm absolutely going to disagree. There must be a high level of investment (in you from her) for this to actually work. Otherwise it's not a big deal. Women almost always have options, and if you're not at the top of that list then your attention isn't her biggest concern anyway.

I get what you say, but the point were we disagree is, that I don't see nexting as punishment, but staying true to myself, by respecting myself enough to cut someone loose, who is not respecting me. It has nothing to do with punishing them. What I meant is, that your focus should lie on you and you only. If I saw nexting as punishment, I would be waiting for her reaction and if she realizes, that she did something wrong.

You're making 2 contradictory points IMO. Tolerating bad behavior, and not giving a shit are 2 conflicting ideas. I very much hold the view of she can do whatever the hell she wants, and I'm going to do the same.

Please elaborate on not giving a shit. And if you are not giving a shit what she does, why do you want to punish her for her behaviour?

AloofusMaximus 5y ago

With regards to hard nexting not being punishment, I agree completely.

Whereas I'm using soft nexting in only a few specific circumstances (IE her starting bullshit, unprovoked). If I did something myself that stirred shit up, and she reacted to that then that fault lies with me.

Let's say when I saw one of my girls last night, she started screaming at me because she had a shitty day at work (not my fault). I'd give a fair warning "If you want to talk about X I'll listen, but don't take it out on me". If she calms down, all is well. If she continues then I leave, and she's getting a soft next. So in that regard it absolutely is a punishment, because I'm catching shit for something I didn't have any part in starting. So it also DOES include myself as a focus too (since I'm showing her that it's not acceptable to treat me that way).

And the second part meshes with the first. I don't give a shit WHAT she does with her life, as long as she's not causing ME bullshit as a result. To use the girls night out example again...she's allowed to do whatever she wants, but I also wouldn't punish her as a result of that (instead I'd just fuck someone else). A lot of dudes would get all bent out of shape over that (because they're still clingy/needy as shit), because they're playing at abundance rather than having it.

Why would I punish her for having her own life? That make a little more sense?

Robster25 5y ago

Yes, now it makes more sense.

omega_dawg93 5y ago

when you next her, don't get mad/upset/jealous if the #1 orbiter finally gets to fuck her.

and sometimes, girls intentionally act-up so you can next her... to give her the chance to fuck orbiter #1 (best branch swing candidate) and not feel guilty about it as she satisfies her curiosity. "you drove me to him," is what you'll hear IF...IF YOU EVER FIND OUT.

orbiters love the word, "next." it has dual meaning to them... the first is, she's being 'handled' and/or punished, and it also means, he's next in line to finally cash-in.

when you pull your TAR (time, attention, resources) away from a woman by nexting her, it needs to be something she values... bc she does value that more than your dick. the thought of you fucking another woman might make her jealous, but the thought of another woman getting your TAR will make her furious.

Synthetic_Citizen 5y ago

TAR (Time. Attention. Resources)

I like that abbreviation, this should be implemented into the lingo here. I have my own version of this called PPA.

PPA (Protection. Provision. Attention)

Add them together and we could have something like.

TARP (Time. Attention. Resources. Protection)

TARS (Time. Attention. Resources. Security)

This should be discussed

Synthetic_Citizen 5y ago

One well known characteristic of people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder is the tendency to create their own reality with words. They believe that they can talk anything into existence, and rewrite the past simply by asserting it with their words.

However, in order to solidify their fabricated reality they need an audience to convince and manipulate, the more impressionable the audience the better. The audience can be one person or many, and the audience does not neccesarily need to buy into the lies, as long as the audience is engaged and/or negotiating the narcissist can shout and scream their faux reality into existence and believe their own lies. They are not trying to convince the audience, they are trying to convince themselves, the audience is simply a catalyst.

IF THE AUDIENCE DOES NOT ENGAGE THE NARCISSITS CAN NOT CREATE THEIR OWN REALITY

Like a writers pen and parchment, if there is no pen the writer has no means to solidify his creation. This is why so called soft nexting is so effective, when you withdraw attention as punishment you deprive them of the opportunity to rationalize their innocence with their words. Some will commit an offense blatantly and wait for you to confront them about it, to manipulate you into engaging them they will use any means. If you ignore their baiting and withdraw your attention as punishment they are left with nothing but their own thoughts and will eventually have no choice but to accept the reality of their offenses.

The narc will of course try to convince others of their fabricated reality but they will know that they can not fool you and will have to comply with your version of reality if they want to continue association with you.

Narcissism is basically adults who are children mentally, they have an extremely low self esteem and are dependant on others to maintain their self image. They need constant validation and will do anything for attention, the result of either receiving to much or too little attention when the were young. The bad news is they will never grow up.

Everybody has the ability to rationalize, but women being far more verbal than men are more inclined to do so. It is called hamstering in this sub, but it is one and the same.

In this day and age of feelings over facts, victimhood glorification and safe space politics men are becoming more and more feminine. As such more men are starting to develop their hamster.

AshyLarry27 5y ago

Well done.

I had a plate break after about 4 years of fucking maybe only 3-4x a year (busy with grad school, and grad girls). I could sense it was dwindling down, probably found a guy that would settle for her. Would setup logistics, very strait forward, and she would respond to that. I started noticing a different demeanor in her texts last year, like telling me how she's busy that night, but not the usual "sorry can't" or an attempt to reschedule. In the past, she would respond to soft nexting. When I waited out a month to try again, got the same general response. She types a lot, detail, implying maybe there was something still there, but the lack of an apology for being too busy along with no attempt to reschedule was all I needed to be realistic about where she stood. SN'ing was obviously no longer a punishment and that is where you bow out. She still watches my snap chat stories every once in a blue moon when I post them, still posted me a happy birthday, and I could reach for this before I found this place. I know better now though.

New guys tend to read bits and pieces of the sidebar, develop a big ego from the new "edgy shit" they read here, and all of a sudden go out talking to girls like their shit doesn't stink, not realizing you can't SN what was never interested in you in the first place. Hopefully those at askTRP are reading this guide.

SeasonedRP 5y ago

These are good observations. One thing I'd add to the hard nexting section (or maybe there is another term for what I'm talking about). A key part of RP is learning to recognize IOIs and, as a corollary, learning to recognize when a woman isn't interested. I keep seeing posts on ATRP where guys repeatedly pester girls who clearly aren't interested. A girl cancels a date because she has to wash her hair and doesn't give an alternative, and the guy will ask something like "gee, her workplace has a lot of dust so her hair probably really did need to be washed, and she must be interested because she smiled and told me I was funny, so what should I say in the next 10 texts I plan to send begging for a date?" Or similar questions when the girl has shown extreme disrespect and the guy asks how best to fix things by contacting her.

For guys like this who are tempted to keep contacting girls after they have shown clear disinterest or disrespect, delete their numbers and remove them from social media so that you eliminate the temptation to embarrass yourself and learn to move on to better prospects. I don't know if it's called hard nexting or something else, but a number of people would be wise to follow this practice.

AloofusMaximus 5y ago

I've definitely noticed that as well. I also love people watching, and see it in public interactions ALL the time too. My career is pretty much people focused, and it's amazing how much people give away through body language. .

One of the other threads that popped up the other day had to do with congruence, and i absolutely agree with that 100%. A lot of what guys think of around here as "disrespect" is more or less other people noticing incongruence in most cases. You don't go from butthurt Billy beta to Billy badass overnight. It probably took a couple years for everything to finally "click" for me, after I'd started really focusing on myself/getting my shit together.

boy_named_su 5y ago

Thank you. I usually recommend this sort of stuff in my comments, but some of the dummies here just don't get it

SmamelessMe 5y ago

Nexting is moving your attention onto the next. Full stop.

The other arbitrary rules and requirements you invented in your post are useless at best, and pedantic semantics at worst.

AloofusMaximus 5y ago

Disagree if you want, but it's not really a semantics argument. A girl you matched with on tinder isn't your wife, even if you say she is. I didn't invent the term OR the definition, just see a lot of people misusing the concept.

Infla-mood 5y ago

You define next however you want. Next to me means "on to the next girl." As in, I will let this one go and focus on the next one. This isn't working? Next!