tl;dr If you feel like you're stuck in a rut and have been for awhile, then move. Relocating can do wonders.
You're a slave to your environment. No, that's not right. At least slaves can still think, even if it's on a primal level.
If you live in a shitty situation, you're thinking shitty thoughts constantly. The worst part is: You don't realize how shitty your own thoughts are. Even if your life is pretty good and you maintain regular self-care like fucking, lifting, socializing, meditation, eating clean, proper sleep, hobbies-- all these may not be enough.
Sometimes you've imprisoned yourself to your own living setup. I can't just move out, because I...
... signed a year lease with my girlfriend and it's only been a few months.
... got a mortgage for this condo and the market for renters is kinda bad.
... live next door to work, this is a great setup. Why the fuck would I leave?!
... pay next to nothing while living with this one awesome roommate.
... take classes full-time and don't have a job. How the hell can I leave my parents' house?
The more legitimate the excuse, the more bullshit I smell. These are all signs you put people and things ahead of yourself and your own well-being.
Don't get me wrong, moving is a bitch. Whether it's crosstown or cross-country, it's a fucking ordeal.
And that might be it. Moving may be necessary every so often because you may need new challenges. But you also don't know that is what you need.
You also need independence, because being tied down to a sexless LTR, a lease (there may be some costs and penalties, but it usually can be negotiated and cut short), an unending mortgage (fuck 30 years! or get the best rent/tenant you can and figure out the difference), a job (there are jobs elsewhere), school (you probably won't die if you take a year off), parents (you're not a kid anymore), cheap living (live cheap, think cheap, then there may be no abundance in life) -- this is all not good for you, especially after a couple of years.
If you disagree with me, then it better because I used the words "tied down." If you're in school because you'll be a badass doctor, lawyer or engineer someday, then you're not tied down but getting qualified, paying your dues. It will be all worth it someday.
But the question still remains: Why have I been stuck in this shitty rut for the past ____ years?
Do a mental exercise by treating yourself as a client, create an argument for a radical personal change. Why? How? When? To where?
Or just say: Fuck it, I'm moving.
I myself moved a couple months ago, just across town. I've also moved offices (I have a startup) and changed gyms. Jesus Protein Christ, I should've done it sooner. The clarity through which I see things today, especially my own thoughts, as opposed to the funk I was in just last winter... I'm shaking my head as I'm writing this.
Work on your internal, mental game by upending your external, physical world. The dividends can be fucking invaluable.
DreamBoatGuy25 5y ago
Yup. People need to wake up.
Skinner > all.
Dextorian 5y ago
Dude I can relate to this so much, I felt stuck in this rut! But I couldn’t nail what it was that was causing the problem! I genuinely am a go getter but I couldn’t figure out why I felt so suppressed. I’ve heard somewhere about changing your environment could help so I hit Rightmove and found a new pad! Move out in 2 weeks! I’m so fucking hyped for it!
[deleted] 5y ago
As a virgin in my early 20s living with my mother in the same city for 10 years, this is something I've been seriously looking into. I really don't have a legitimate excuse. My "excuse" is that I don't have as many expenses as others and I get to eat my mother's cooking most nights. But I know becoming purely self dependent is a vital step in becoming a man, so I must take the step.
My only question would be.. Is it worth moving in with roommates? If so, should you ever move in with people you know? Obviously having roomies cuts down your expenses a lot but it might prevent me from becoming fully independent and create unnecessary drama. It would seem annoying to bring girls back to a share a house too... but I am getting ahead of myself.
In my mind it just seems renting your own apartment makes u seem like u really own ur shit, despite the increase in cost. I will be able to afford it (engineering) but the long term affects of that increased cost will really add up to a lot.
Friends and family think I'm crazy for even thinking about living in an apartment solo. What do you guys think about it?
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Live solo, even if it is a shit box, even if it is far from work, nightlife, friends. When you live alone, you can focus on yourself with ease and build a better life faster. When you live with family, roommates or even a LTR, that focus is hindered at best. It's not as straightforward to do things at home for yourself when you have to consider the others who share the place with you.
dynasty_400 5y ago
Move bro! You can afford it, even if you BARELY can afford it.. itll be worth it and youll adapt... i was in a similar position.. but man, the freedom to have your own place.. its a priceless feeling
Pestilence1911 5y ago
I hope you are okay cleaning up after other people.
Roommates are the worst. Good luck and for f-- sakes clean up behibd yourself
manwithoutwire 5y ago
I live with my parents and have nothing to lose by moving. However, I could never afford to live in the city and the community I'm from there isn't much opportunity to meet people, I'm stuck travelling to the city for day trips in my free time which is time consuming and pricey. 2 hours there and a $25 day pass twice a month adds up! I go to the bars - empty except on summer weekends, coffee shops - nothing, etc. Shit I have no friends because they're all at house parties I was never invited to and the same friend groups I encounter are a tight knit group that all knew each other from public school. I don't know where to meet people, no idea!
Entropy-7 5y ago
I needed a change of scenery for grad school, which took me from Toronto to Vancouver.
In the aftermath I moved to China. I have lived in Jinan, Changzhou, and Shenzhen while visiting Shanghai, Nanchang and a few other placed.
I am going back to Shandong province to be with people Ilike and have my new wife my my side.
Asia is it and she is a Catholic
jewishsupremacist88 5y ago
i largely agree but the jobs situation in this country is pretty dire and the cost of rents are soaring whereever there are jobs. most people are stuck at home w/ their parents until their mid 30s because they have to pay off debts or have to climb up the payscale to work and get paid a living wage. this aint the fuckin 90s anymore unfortunately where you could skate by on $18 an hour and still live a decent life
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
It goes without saying this sub isn't intended for most people.
jewishsupremacist88 5y ago
redpill theory is no match for market forces, bruh
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Everything popular is wrong.
NormalAndy 5y ago
TL/DR: a change is as good as a rest.
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Or: Change is as good as routine.
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Atheist_Utopia 5y ago
The earliest moment that I can move is still uncertain, but will most likely be 2 months, but I'm still forced to dwell a slave existence for my asian parents in this timeframe. My work environment is boring me to tears, very few sexual prospects in this tiny town, toxic and/or bluepilled friends is all reason enough for me to GTFO to the next town. Any advice for the time being would be great.
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Read a lot. Not just on the 'net, but books.
Try new things. Just not hard drugs.
Make connections in the new town where you will move to.
Atheist_Utopia 5y ago
How do I make connections out of nothing? I literally know no one in that city.
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Start with hobbies. Look up stuff you like to do on Meetup.
Locoboy713 5y ago
Great post and I am currently going through it. Having my shit together makes this a much easier process. We don't talk about finance here enough in this sub in my opinion. The outcome of being discipline with my money (saving, investing and income) gives me the freedom move to a new city at my own will.
-Have enough Oh Shit Money: 6 months of normal expenses in saving (i targeted at least 30% of my income each month)
-Solid 401K, IRA, Roth, HSA or ITA.
-Real Estate ($200K in equity is not what I focus on, rather than converting it over to rental property for passive income after i move)
NomBok 5y ago
It's a huge reason why I don't plan on getting a mortgage any time soon. I like having the ability to move when I want. I may very well get a condo at some point so I can customize the shit out of it, but honestly I'd rather wait till I can pay for it in cash, so worse come to worst, I could rent an additional apt.
Trpidation 5y ago
I moved because I was stuck in a small Midwest state and hit a glass ceiling with my progression as an artist and a man.
Within a month of realizing this I quit my cushy job, sold almost everything I owned except what I absolutely needed, and packed up a trailer. Drove across the fucking country by myself and moved to the east coast.
Why did I do this?
Because I knew it would be FUCKING HARD. I wasn't challenged in my shitty comfy environment. Everything was too easy, I was getting lazy. I decided to move to one of the most difficult cities to handle, NYC. No job, no friends, nothing. Start fresh.
I've been here 10 months and it's still tough but by god the shit I've learned out here. You come into your own as a man when you do some hardcore shit like that. You suddenly realize that you can figure shit out, that if shit goes wrong it's not the end of the world, and that solving problems is actually fulfilling.
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Trpidation 5y ago
I found someone who needed a roommate through an online group. Got pretty lucky to be honest. The trailer I rented was just a Uhaul. I slept in my car on the drive out but I had a place once I got out here.
Southtown53 5y ago
After reading this sub for almost a year now, it's about time I contributed... I actually found TRP one night after I moved. I was laying around googling some random stuff and came across this Subreddit, I did a little reading, became intrigued and have followed ever since. Back to the point.
How it started: A month before I was about to graduate college my future employer called and gave me a few options, the first was to stay where I was, and the second being I could move to one of the three different cities. Wanting to experience life, I opted to move. On top of that, I moved to a more diverse culture (I'm from the cornfields of the Midwest). You will use ALL of the tools in your personal toolbox and add a few along the journey. You become independent, learn to take care of yourself (cook, clean, hygiene), negotiate, preventive maintenance, you get the point. At this point, it usually goes one of two ways, you succeed or you fail. I had a corporate instructor tell me "The job is too hard to learn on your own without a support group and you won't make it"... props to this guy for pouring gas on my fire.
Now, how this ties into women. I took what the instructor said and refused to give up. You build a wall where you won't let women get to you as easily as before (no oneitis). I became comfortable doing things on my own for my OWN enjoyment. You learn the you don't need a girl to make you happy. You get used to eating alone, you become comfortable talking to strangers. In fact, you cherish it. It got to the point where I would approach girls and not care about a LTR, I didn't want to be with them because the life I was living made me happy. You build a frame that is impeccable. After about 6 months of doing this, I got into a LTR (easy boys, I know, I know.) The difference? I had zero issue walking away and "being alone" because I already knew the life I could live by myself. Needless to say, I'm on my own again, with a few plates of course ;). Good post OP.
thepontiff_ 5y ago
Highly motivated after reading this comment. Checked into my first command in a new city last Friday so everything is brand new to me all over again but I’ve been comfortable to the not giving a fuck on solo shit vibes for a long time.
I’m already scoping out a cute potential plate with a metal smile (braces) that works at this on base convenience store that I frequent for beer. Since I’m new to the area, I’ll pop a playing dumb question to her like so what’s fun to do down here? And kick the can from there.
TheTrenTrannyTrain 5y ago
I'm going through the same thing myself, contemplating a move to a different country.
I have a pretty sweet gig, work 6 months on and 6 months off, getting paid 6 figures. The problem is my work place is like an oil rig, total sausage fest with no chance of getting laid. So I go crazy when I'm off work banging tinder sloots and others, but absolutely no way to build any sort of connection with anyone. It was fun for the last few years but now, I'm not sure.
This year I can feel my work and lifestyle are wearing down my psyche, I can't concentrate at work, and whenever I'm at work I'm just counting down the days/weeks until I'm release from my prison (9 more weeks to go). The only reason I stuck with this job is to save up a million bucks, which I'm close to achieving, but now that goal is accomplished, I'm feeling lost and don't know what to do with my life.
After some alone time to reflect, I've decided I need some changes. I have a favorite place I want to move to and give a try, maybe give it 5 years to see how my life will turn out. So now I'm preparing for an exam that will recognize my credentials in said foreign jurisdiction, it might take me a few tries but I'm mentally prepare to do it, then afterward go back to school to upgrade my credentials and be someone better than my current self. I'm also in a fortunate situation where money is not an issue for me for the next few years if I budget, and of course if SHTF really bad, I can always go back to my old gig for some PT work.
I feel like I have a new goal in life, a better goal than just "save a million bucks."
jewishsupremacist88 5y ago
why not just move somewhere you like and work a part time job and get situated in said city/town?
TheTrenTrannyTrain 5y ago
I thought about PT, except I prefer to stay with my profession, but I can't do it until I get my credentials recognized.
jewishsupremacist88 5y ago
working fulltime is a sham
TheTrenTrannyTrain 5y ago
I know, but having money is power, I'd much prefer to work to make the equivalent of what I'm making now.
Locoboy713 5y ago
You are in a better spot than you think due to your financial situation. Not sure what's your long term investment strategy of your $1m, hopefully they are in some sort of IRA, ETF, properties or business. That would give you a lot of flexibility to do what the fuck you want to do without too much worries. I am in a similar situation and going through the process of moving from a population of 200k to 1.6 mil city. Best of luck dude.
TheTrenTrannyTrain 5y ago
Thanks for the input. Deep down I know I'm in a pretty good spot, but it's good to get confirmation.
Most of my money is in index ETF's with a few individual stocks sprinkled in, the last 6 bull years have been great, up 25% so far. I also have a few bucks in crypto for the moonshot, but other than that I have most of my money working for me. I'm in the process of moving from a town of 1000 to 6 mil, lol.
Locoboy713 5y ago
atta boy! Read my last comment on the post, i can't emphasize finance enough.
O--- 5y ago
Moving is not going to fix any internal problems though. Let me share an excerpt from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, which I feel is relevant.
"People try to get away from it all—to the country, to the beach, to the mountains. You always wish that you could too. Which is idiotic: you can get away from it anytime you like. By going within. Nowhere you can go is more peaceful—more free of interruptions—than your own soul. Especially if you have other things to rely on. An instant’s recollection and there it is: complete tranquillity. And by tranquillity I mean a kind of harmony.
So keep getting away from it all—like that. Renew yourself. But keep it brief and basic. A quick visit should be enough to ward off all < . . . > and send you back ready to face what awaits you."
SelfMastered 5y ago
I just started reading meditations, it’s absolutely wonderful. However , I believe the context of Marcus is that of “vacationing” rather than what op is suggesting — changing perspective of life and how you see it. Evoking discomfort for growth.
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mallardcove Endorsed Contributor 5y ago
I work in an industry that has had me move 7 times since graduating college. Not across town or 30 minutes away, but to different states and time zones.
From my experience, here is what moving does.
It gives you a fresh start, which is never a bad thing. However, at the same time, if you had a good thing going in the city you previously lived in, it sucks to have to basically throw away everything you built. It's a double edged sword.
It also allows you to escape from certain things that might have been holding you back. For example I used to live in Seattle, and the cost of living there was ridiculous. Getting out of Seattle has saved me thousands of dollars in housing costs alone.
What doesn't moving do? It won't fix internal problems if you have any. It might give you a better mindset due to a fresh start, but you can't move away from problems. If you are a shitty person, moving to a new city won't make you an unshitty person. If you have low SMV, moving to a new city won't make you high SMV.
Girls should never be a reason to move. I see so many guys here say if they just moved to a different city, they'd be more successful with women. Fuck that. It's coping, its an excuse. If you use girls as a reason to move you're a dumbass. Your reasons for moving should be about you and only you. Need to move for better job prospects or to accept a job offer? Need to move to reduce your costs of living or tax burden? Those are valid reasons. Want to move because you think A city has better women than B city? You're an idiot.
dking168 5y ago
This is completely false. I moved from my small town city in Canada to Las Vegas which was one of the most impactful decisions in my whole life. I was a virgin, low SMV loser and by moving to Vegas, getting a mentor and practicing going to a different club everyday to practice game was one of the best things I've ever did. I agree moving for a single girl is stupid but moving to work on your game because your logistics suck or your situation doesn't help you get better, then it is completely worth moving for girls.
mallardcove Endorsed Contributor 5y ago
Las Vegas is one of the cities I've lived in. As far as girls are concerned there its a challenge. There are so many Chads who live there as well as Chads passing through that they are always pining to land one of them. It flips the dynamic.
I disagree though. Moving to a place for women(not a woman, women in general) is dumb. Move somewhere for your career, your well being. In Las Vegas you'd have people move there to try and make it as a poker player. Dumb in my opinion, but not as dumb as someone moving somewhere for better opportunities with women.
In Seattle I met a bunch of lost souls who moved there from "some small backward town" thinking it would be a progressive liberal utopia and their lives would instantly improve. Then reality hit with the ridiculous cost of living, high housing prices and they'd find themselves scraping by and becoming homeless.
Always have a solid financial plan before moving anywhere.
dking168 5y ago
I work in the medical field (ie: in hospitals) so no matter where I go, there is job security. I also use to live in a small town outside of Toronto and the cost of living there is far more expensive than Vegas. Vegas is one of the few places in the USA that has a very good cost of living imo.
mallardcove Endorsed Contributor 5y ago
I loved it in Las Vegas. I'd move back in a heartbeat. The job I had there was still early in my career though so the money wasn't great and I worked at Planet Hollywood parking cars on the side. I left to further advance my career but its one of the few cities I would consider relocating to these days.
green_tea_bag 5y ago
Totally agree. You will often hear that 'women in place (a) are better than women in place (b).' While there may be real cultural differences, if you're moving within the same country or continent, it isn't going to be all that much different. The women in the new place will likely make the same judgements and assessments of you as the last place, and your own internal issues will remain if unaddressed.
Definitely don't move anywhere to be closer to any ((one)) woman. Classic breaking of frame - most likely to be regretted.
Atheist_Utopia 5y ago
Your internal issues may remain unaddressed, but women in a different place (like college) will most definitely make a different judgement of you compared to the girls in highschool, if you were a socially awkward highschool nerd every single year and managed to make a change for the better just before graduation. Your image to the highschool girls remains the same each year.
Sometimes a fresh start can do wonders to your self-image, and as a bonus will resolve some of the internal issues that had to do with your social reputation in the first place.
green_tea_bag 5y ago
true true. I experienced that. can confirm.
ZeroSixNiner 5y ago
I agree to a point, but there are definitely cases here in the U.S. where moving from one place to another can mean a culture shift. There are areas that are clearly liberal or conservative, for example, and the differences between the two aren't limited to just politics.
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Zech4riah 5y ago
Well moving because of girls may be fine depending on the situation. If the other factors stay neutral, you can consider moving to a bigger city (and generally bigcity has more opportunities than small city in every aspect).
Try gaming in a "city" of 20k or 30k population or even 50-100k population. Tinder will be dead, night life will be silent, night clubs will have awful men-to-women ratios because women tend to move bigger cities and men leave behind to smaller cities/country side etc. Especially if the city doesn't have university etc - it's all sausage fest.
If you are already living in a city with 500k people or more, then I'd say moving to another city because of girls is an stupid excuse for bad game.
I live in a city where population is 200k and I think this is minimum to be able to game with decent amount of abundance of (hot) girls.
Great majority of the cities at least in Europe have less than 100k population and living in smaller city than 100k will significantly hinder your results.
[deleted] 5y ago
Definitely agree with your sentiment. But I'm not gonna lie, I live in a city of ~500k and nearby (about 1 hr drive away) is a city of ~2million. The difference that makes on dating apps and night life and such seems like light and day. And the city that has 500k feels a lot more "judgmental" in a way. Women's standards are based a lot more on a mans physical looks, people are dumber/lower class, there is an 'inbred' culture that you have to subscribe to or else you're not cool. You run into the same people a lot too. I constantly run into people from high school or previous jobs etc a lot, which is plain annoying.
I can't imagine cities/towns with lower population.. shit would suck.
GoyDeVivre 5y ago
Interesting. Can you elaborate further on this?
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Zech4riah 5y ago
Yes...that's what I said but with different words...?
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Yup. Regular self care is the basis of my post, which I didn't emphasis enough.
somecunt68 5y ago
Some environments can only bring you to a certain point, you’ve got to stand in a place that fits your goal. As OP suggests you are the product of your environment.
I’m graduating high school next week, and moving abroad alone in a month. I find this to be a sort of “right of passage” if you will. Current situation is unhealthy and unsustainable. The goal is:
make music,
go to school,
enjoy friends,
enjoy “friends”,
[deleted] 5y ago
School is the best time to do these things. Good luck.
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Fortune favors the brave, little brother. I'm sure you will do well. Don't ever lose courage to act.
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katharsix 5y ago
I can relate. Just moved to another continent, after living more than 10 years in the same place. Life was good but there was something missing. And I can say it's shaping out to be one the best decisions of my life. I'm learning so much about myself, I think everyone should try this at least once.
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Funnily enough, some of the happiest moments of my life were when I was visiting a third world country (albeit my home country) for months at a time. Barely any technology, always spending time socializing/being outside. I'm always grateful for the safety and freedom we have in the west but it really is a blessing and a curse it seems.
manwithoutwire 5y ago
Your average person can't just get up and move to a different continent though unless you're highly skilled and/or educated.
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O--- 5y ago
Looking forward to the English translation.
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
The more rp I become, the more I act like women.
Zech4riah 5y ago
Well my condos morgage is pretty much only thing "holding me back". But it wouldn't be a problem if I just knew why should I move. What are the reasons you recommend moving? This was the only justification I found from your text and it's not enough for me:
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Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
You're on this sub, you've read this post and you've commented on it because you're searching. Hell with the answer, you probably don't even know what the question is.
Good is boring, good is a quiet, slow death. If you want out of that, you have to welcome chaos.
Zech4riah 5y ago
I disagree. Imo the best way to improve is to choose one or two areas in your life at a time and improve it/them (through work, putting your self out of comfort zone or "chaos" as you label it) while keeping other areas in your life as solid foundation.
It doesn't make any sense for me to jump in 3-4 areas of life to the chaos (possible financial instability while changing a job, new work/hobby/gym environments, moving to new appartment, requirements to learn things in new environment, pimping etc.).
Relocating just to enter chaos is just stupid. I guess you are younger guy who lives almost in the same childhood environment. If that is the case then yes - I totally agree that you should move even just to "enter the chaos". Later in life - not so much.
I really would have heard something concrete what changed when you relocated or is just the new exciting feeling which filled you and will wear off in couple of months.
Bear-With-Bit 5y ago
Respect.
I think we're on different wavelengths here. You're coming from a self-improvement and logic-based problem-solving angle.
I'm coming from depression/funk/boredom and restart-by-blowing-everything-up angle. You're a thinker, I'm a feeler. Entering chaos for you would be hell, while it would be like a vacation for me. (Probably why I enjoy edibles.)
Will this feeling wear off in a couple months? Probably. But my daily commute is now cut in half, my neighborhood is quantifiably better (don't have to keep my head on swivel at nights anymore), my place is 2x bigger. I didn't even know I could pull off a move like this until I said fuck it. After moving I realized how badly my situation was.
Seems like you're in a good spot. Don't over think it.
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killabeesindafront 5y ago
"Meaning is found on the border of order and chaos."
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Zech4riah 5y ago
Yes, in very different wavelengths but good that you spotted it because I kind of didn't. Now it makes much more sense to me as well.
For you relocating seemed to be a good thing and there is logic based perks obviosly too.
...maybe after all I would be surprised if I moved to another place... :)
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Vibez__ 5y ago
And your wife doesn't fuck other guys? Teach me your ways, our lord and saviour.
Atheist_Utopia 5y ago
Wait, so you actually went on a date with those girls?
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