TLDR: Domestic violence has a very broad definition and effects men 100x more than women.

I have been involved here at TRP for over a year and a half. Over this time I have seen quite a bit of misinformation about domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, etc. A couple weeks ago u/rpsheepdog's posted about domestic/dating violence. It was a good start to defining exactly what domestic violence is and how to help yourself avoid criminal charges. I contacted rpsheepdog and I have plans to work with him (and anyone else who may have substantial legal expertise) to dive into these legal issues. Knowing the law, knowing how police, prosecutors, and the legal system work, and knowing how to protect yourself in the inevitable event you get accused by a crazy pump-n-dump is valuable information. My intent is to clearly define legal concepts that effect red pill men then highlight the difference between the objectivity in the law and the subjectivity in which the law is enforced; legal theory versus legal practice.

Quick bio: I am a prosecuting attorney in the United States who often prosecutes domestic violence cases. They are not my specialty as I am not a vawa funded prosecutor. I have my own general criminal caseload, but I handle all domestic cases that my offices vawa funded prosecutor conflicts. I have an in-depth knowledge of domestic violence law and how it works. I have prosecuted nearly 100 domestic related cases, both misdemeanor and felony. My experience is substantial.

Current definitions of domestic violence spring from the violence against women act (vawa) passed in 1994 and reauthorized in 2013. Vawa, which I will have a subsequent post on, is federal law that provides money to states in order to prosecute more domestic violence cases (among other things domestic related). The money comes in the form of grants, one of which pays counties/states to hire prosecutors who prosecute only domestic violence cases. These grants are monitored by federal agencies and increased or reduced depending on productivity. Basically, vawa prosecutors need convictions to keep their money. Domestic violence is defined differently in every state. However, if a state wants vawa money the definition needs to fall within federally prescribed guidelines. Consequently, most states have similar definitions for domestic violence. They want free federal money.

In my state domestic violence is defined as the occurrence of one or more of the following acts between family or household members: (1) Attempting to cause or intentionally, knowingly or recklessly causing physical harm to another with or without dangerous or deadly weapons; (2) Placing another in reasonable apprehension of physical harm; (3) Creating fear of physical harm by harassment, stalking, psychological abuse or threatening acts; (4) Committing either sexual assault or sexual abuse; and (5) Holding, confining, detaining or abducting another person against that person's will.

This definition seems straightforward and fair. It makes no gender distinction and it only applies to "family or household members". No one wants to be assaulted, battered, stalked, detained, sexually abused, or abducted. If I walk up to some random girl I've never met and punch her in the face I committed a misdemeanor battery and will be punished by a fine up to $500 and/or jail not to exceed one year. It is not "domestic violence" and there are no other collateral consequences. Fair enough. The same is not so if I walk up to a "family or household member" and punch her (or him) in the face. The first time I punch her in the face I will be charged with misdemeanor domestic battery and will face a $500 fine and/or jail not to exceed on year. The consequences may appear to be the same. However, even though state code provides for the same enumerated penalties for battery and domestic battery, the collateral consequences for any form of domestic violence are substantial. After conviction I become a person prohibited from carrying a firearm (for life) and face enhance-able sentences upon subsequent convictions; in my state a third domestic related conviction is a FELONY. You will serve one to five years in prison and/or be fined up to $2500. All because you punched a "family or household member" in the face instead of some random Jane.

If this isn't shitty enough, I'll now define who qualifies as a family or household member.

“Family or household members” means persons who: (1) Are or were married to each other; (2) Are or were living together as spouses; (3) Are or were sexual or intimate partners; (4) Are or were dating: Provided, that a casual acquaintance or ordinary fraternization between persons in a business or social context does not establish a dating relationship; (5) Are or were residing together in the same household; (6) Have a child in common regardless of whether they have ever married or lived together; (7) Have the following relationships to another person: (A) Parent; (B) Stepparent; (C) Brother or sister; (D) Half-brother or half-sister; (E) Stepbrother or stepsister; (F) Father-in-law or mother-in-law; (G) Stepfather-in-law or stepmother-in-law; (H) Child or stepchild; (I) Daughter-in-law or son-in-law; (J) Stepdaughter-in-law or stepson-in-law; (K) Grandparent; (L) Step grandparent; (M) Aunt, aunt-in-law or step aunt; (N) Uncle, uncle-in-law or step uncle; (O) Niece or nephew; (P) First or second cousin.

Everyone you are related to by blood or marriage, everyone you slept with, everyone you "dated", anyone you married, and everyone you lived with qualifies as a family or household member. I lived with a chick while in law school. I was blue pill and we never even so much as kissed. She still qualifies today more than a decade later. Hell it could even apply if you donate sperm to a random woman for an artificial insemination because after birth you have a child in common. "Family or household member" is meant to be as all-encompassing as possible for a reason.

In doing research for this post I looked at the definition for domestic violence in 15 states. They all have similar, gender neutral, language defining what domestic violence is and who it applies to (aside from the obviously gender specific title of vawa). Objectively, this is fine because it appears the law applies to men and women equally. Everyone knows this is BS. Subjectively, we know that men are prosecuted at a rate far higher than women. In my experience it is about 100-1. I have seen fewer than 5 instances of women being prosecuted for domestic violence against men. I have seen fewer than 5 instances of women being prosecuted for domestic violence against other women, some of these were mother-daughter fights. All-in-all, out of the hundreds of cases I have been involved in or exposed to (cases are routinely discussed throughout the office), I have seen fewer than 15 women prosecuted for domestic violence. I asked our vawa prosecutor about the number discrepancy. His (yes it is a guy) response: "It’s called vawa, not vama."

Domestic violence law is much broader than most men realize. It covers more than just current plates, girlfriends, and wives. It is gender neutral in theory, it has to be or it would be unconstitutional, but it is not gender neutral in practice. Men are 100x more likely to be charged for domestic violence than women. But we already knew this.

-Lift, Lead, DGAF

Val