Report:

Met on a dating app (not Tinder, but one of those that's supposed to be "higher quality" than it).

Scheduled a date after a very simple "Hey, I'm busy this week but I'd like to get to know you over a drink sometime next week". No texting until the day of the date, where we clarified logistics.

She arrived 10 minutes early, I arrived 10 minutes late. She was an HB7 like in the photos, thin, nice boobs and face.

We immediately hit it off very well and she was visibly interested in me, maintained eye contact and even initiated kino. She complimented me on looking fit and squeezed my muscles.

We moved to a chill bar, where we sat on a sofa and talked about our backgrounds and personalities. I was teasing her all the time and she seemed to like it.

I grabbed her and pulled her closer to me, we made out and I was rubbing her thighs. I always was the first one to pull away and she wanted more.

We kept talking and she mentioned how she is friends with some model just because she keeps getting her free handbags and accessories and that she doesn't really like her. I jokingly said: "you make yourself sound like a materialistic bitch".

She looked at me as if I had just strangled a puppy to death. She said "did you just really call me a bitch? On our first date?", and was visibly disappointed.

First I tried holding frame, not backing down and saying something like "are you one of those sensitive girls that cannot take an insult as a joke?", but she kept looking really disappointed and offended, repeating that "it really sucks to be called a bitch on a first date".

I then broke frame by saying something like: "look, I didn't call you a bitch, it's just an expression that's used to describe people who only care about objects - it's a well known term, no need to take it personally".

She didn't continue discussing on this, and she moved away from me on the sofa. I decided to cut this short and move onto something else. We talked a little bit more, but the great vibe we had before was visibly dead.

I acted as if nothing was wrong but my mood was impacted and we both knew that we were just acting like nothing was wrong.

We talked a little bit more, I managed to make her laugh again and bring the conversation on a more positive note. I pulled her close to me again, then we made out.

I thought I had recovered, then it was time to pay the bill. I told the barman we were going to split, and she didn't look happy about it - but she didn't say anything.

Afterwards we went on a walk. She was holding her arms crossed and not making eye contact. We both kept talking and acting like it was fine, but the vibe was definitely dead.

We sat on a patch of grass, I grabbed her and put her on top of me. We made out and I touched her thighs and squeezed her butt with minimal resistance. After a few minutes of making out and talking in between we got up.

I asked her what was the most extreme thing she did. She said: "one time I went on a date with some guy I met online, and we both got into the mood and we did it in a random bathroom". I said that was not very extreme and that I was thinking about something more like skydiving and bungee jumping.

When she said that, I decided to escalate as I didn't want to be the idiot that chases her while she fucks other guys in random bathrooms on first dates.

I told her that I was going to make myself some ice cream and that she should join me. She said: "I am not coming to your place".

At that point I felt like the vibe was ruined, she happily told me she can be a slut for other people but wasn't up for it with me. I told her "that's OK, I'll see you some other time then". She said: "that's it?" and I replied with "yeah, I have work tomorrow so I'd rather relax and catch some sleep - I'll see you". I hugged her goodbye and left.


Thoughts:

  • It's probably a bad idea to call someone a "bitch" on a first date. I said it very jokingly, but she was visibly upset by it and it killed the entire mood. I think I would have probably fucked her or at least ended the date on a more positive note if I hadn't said that. It also affected my body language and game, as I felt like I fucked up a previously good vibe and opportunity.

    • However, I remember doing the same to my only current plate on our first date. She jokingly slapped me and I told her "wow you're such a bitch" on the date. She didn't mind at all. Might be completely subjective, but maybe it's best to be safe on a first date and avoid slurs.
  • Maybe I was paranoid because of how I killed the vibe, but I felt like she was trying to make me upset when she told me about fucking a random date in the bathroom. As if she wanted revenge for being called a bitch, by telling me that she's willing to fuck a random stranger but reject me. After she said that she wasn't coming home with me, all I could think about was "yet you fucked some guy in the bathroom"; "I was not good enough for you". Her remark definitely worked and got to my head.

  • We had a lot of interesting conversation about our backgrounds, what we like to do in life, what our dreams are, and shit like that. Maybe this was too much conversation and I should have kept it lighter, and escalated more aggressively. However the vibe seemed good before I dropped the "bitch", so I don't think it was necessarily a bad thing. But here I am stuck wondering "did the guy she fucked in the bathroom did the same, or was he hot enough to just get away with minimal conversation?"

Questions:

  • I tried holding frame after offending her, and then explained myself when I saw that was not working. Is there a better way I could have handled the situation?

  • She was making out with me and letting me squeeze her butt, even after the vibe was killed. Do you think she wanted me to escalate more aggressively from the beginning? Do you think that she did agree to come home with me because of killing the vibe, and that she would have otherwise?

  • When she said she didn't want to come home with me I didn't push at all. Other times when I did push it backfired horribly. In this case, I just hugged her goodbye without even kissing her - I just wasn't feeling it after she told me about fucking a stranger in the bathroom just before rejecting me. What could have I done differently here? Should I have avoided trying to get her back to my place at all after killing the vibe? Was it a bad move to not kiss her goodbye?