I'll shorten up the story.
Here is the jist of it:
-met cute 23 year old
-dated for 3 months
-was an idiot and did the pull out, she got pregnant
I didn't want to have the child, as I felt we were unprepared, but since she wanted to keep it, I stayed by her side, which is one of the hardest decisions I made in my life at that time, but I trusted her not to fuck me over,she assured me this was the real deal for her and that she loved me.
Things were rough, we both didn't have steady jobs, but we made it through ok for that time, she wanted me to move in with her and her mother, so I did.
I said to her that I have no idea what I'm doing and that I'm going to make mistakes, but Ill give my hardest to be a good dad, I may not be very good it at the beginning, but Ill learn.
-baby is born, we have a beautifull baby girl
-it's rough and hard, lot of stress taking care of the baby, but you know what, I have a family now and I love it
-I take care of my baby I do dad things, I feed her, change her, play with her,shower her... everything a responsible parent would do
As you are a man... you start doing favors for her family, building shit, mowing lawns, lifting shit, all of which I guess goes unapricieted.
As time goes by, the things that I was worried about in the beggining, things that she said were not that important(money,cars, travelling) as long as we have eachother and the baby, she would be happy, her frustration starts to show.
She starts shit testing me, nagging me and makes me go way down on her priority list, all the while I always put her and the baby first, I was demoted to the last priority on her list.
The list went as follows:
-her half sister
-her mother
-anyone else that came by
-me
She starts to argue with me over anything , constantly looking for a conflict.
One day her mother accuses me of calling my 4 month old baby girl an imbecile....
They both start arguing with me and causing conflict ....
I didn't know what the hell was going on anymore.
If the baby would cry at night, her mother would complain that we should keep it quite so she doesn't have to listen to the crying, so everytime I would go to the bathroom at night and opened the door, if the baby made a noise , my gf would snap at me to close the door fast, and that I was terrible at opening doors... no disregard for my feeling what so ever, made me feel like trash all the time.
Her mother wanted to argue with me over petty, garbage and accused me of more made up shit, how I was mistreating her daughter, which apparently my gf was telling her this, and how I was abusive and an asshole( I never started a conflict and am the most easygoing person on the planet, I never like to argue) so I was not quite anymore I defended myself and her mother threw me out of the house.
There was discussion between us to find our own apartment, but that wasn't really happening since she expected me to apologiez to her mother and didn't want to move forward. I was barley seeing my daughter at this point as I was not allowed to go to the house and my gf didn't want to come to my parents house.
2 months went by, she broke up with me. throwing all kinds of guilt trash on me...
That hurt like a motherfucker. This is the mother of my child, I loved her, I love my child... They were my everything. I loved her even though she would treat me like shit.
1 month after the breakup(or even sooner), I start seeing another car at her house. I brush it off thinking it was a friend of her mothers.
I keep seeing this car and think nothing of it. Until yesterday, when I saw a dude came out of that same car and come up to her.
So this literaly means that 2 months after the break up, shes already had another dude sleeping next to my child. Probably even sooner, she might have started seeing this dude when I got thrown out and our child started going to daycare.
I can't describe the shit that is going through my head right now. It's not just anger, it's bursts of rage., feels like my soul is being ripped apart. I wake up with my legs trembling in the morning, like something is crawling through my skin.
I feel betrayed, abandoned, dishonerd. I was good to her, I was true, put up with her psycho bullshit, only to be tossed away like trash, like I never even happened.
Now this man is next to my child and lives with her, and fucks my ex- next to her bed, while I see my child 2 times a week like some fucking scumbag.
And I have to see her slime fucking face everytime I go pick up my daughter, putting salt on the wound and never letting it heal.
How do I act around this woman? I literaly feel like I'm going to throw up, I start gagging.
Seeing her cold, emotionless face, it destroys me.
Anyone have any advice for me?
I was ripped when I met her, due to baby and work I got skinny again, but since the breakup I'm back on track. When I come to pick up the child now, I can sometimes see her checking out my chest and arms.
How to I behave around this woman?
How do I get her out of my fucking soul.
P.s.
Here's some things that this bitch would do, just so you know what kind of person I've been dealing with.
-grossed out by cum, she would never suck dick
-jerked me off one time on the kitchen floor, made me clean it and disinfect the floor, as it was disgusting to her
-asked for the time once, she wanted to throw me out of the car in the rain, as she though I wanted to go out that night with my friends
-while building her a closet, she snapped at me for taking a break and having 1 sip of water, there is no time to be sipping water...
-got into an argument with her, she procceded to try and take the child away from me, like it was a toy...
-always asked for a massage, while never wanting to give one in return
-asked for a foot massage, when asked to give me one, she looked with disgust and said no
-brought a toy for my child one day, she asked what I brought for here, I said, myself. She rolled her eyes
-if I wanted to go outside with a friend, I would need to have let her know 5 hours in advance, or more
-If I didn't want to go to her sisters place, she would nag at me and ask me if I was single?
-would give my 7 old month child, toys that are not appropriate for kids under the age of 3 due to choking hazards, arguments galore
-cancelled plans to go to the seaside because I said hi to an old high school mates gf, said I should go with that chick...
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okma21 5y ago
Well fucking said. The last thing op needs is empathy. What time it is? Time to man the fuck up!
zealanderx 5y ago
I can't upvote this comment enough,
What poetry! PREACH BROTHER!!!
mountassar97 5y ago
Also, just from a long-term perspective, the baby-daughter will grow up to be mentally unstable and a feminist. No father figure and a whore mom.
SlyGradient 5y ago
To be clear, this does violate the rules (all personal advice questions go to askTRP, rule #2), but I am leaving it up just for this response as per EC request.
ex_addict_bro 5y ago
Lock down the comments please while you're at it.
Alexbigem 5y ago
I love everythin you've written here. Every word of it.
Obediah_Stane 5y ago
Get that kid DNA tested asap
TheTrenTrannyTrain 5y ago
The new dude could be the dad.
VickVaseline 5y ago
...everything 88Will88 said, plus you desperately need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Seriously.
...and don't forget the sidebar.
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Kaiserigen 5y ago
You know your baby girl will get treated as trash if The Red Pill goes by, right?
subthrowaway321 5y ago
I'm not even convinced the kid is his.
zealanderx 5y ago
Very valid!
OP GET A TEST
Jabbermouth 5y ago
Out of all the “always wear a condom” posts that I’ve read over the years, this is the one that hits the hardest. Goddamn.
tinhead168 5y ago
He pulled out… Maybe it isn’t even his
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subthrowaway321 5y ago
I'd you are still wanting revenge, and want to be successful to rub it in someone else's face. You probably won't be successful because you aren't doing it for yourself. You are doing it for someone else and as soon as you're over then, you no longer have a reason to keep improving.
civilizedfrog 5y ago
The patriarchy demands you return your man card asap. There shall be NO REFUNDS.
halfback910 5y ago
Dear Lord,
I know I don't go to church often. The priests ramble a bit, you should work on that. And I know sometimes my faith in you is shaken. But thank you for the problems I have. They are amazing and I am grateful to you. My problems aren't bad at all and I hope they never leave or are replaced by problems like these problems.
In nomine Patri, Et Filii, Et Spiritu Sancti, Amen, Hey Macarena
In all seriousness, leave. Your alimony/child support/whatever will be a painful reminder of your incompetence in this regard that you shan't forget. Move on. I would ditch the child too, but if you can't just see the child and ignore the whore.
a_desert_creature 5y ago
You have to mentally separate your daughter from her mother. I've been divorced for 10 years and this was the only thing that saved me.
Your daughter is the focus now, you interact with the mother only as much as you have to in order to take care of your daughter. Keep all conversations cordial and businesslike. Don't let her bring up the past, or break you down with emotional entreaties, etc.
Never. Lose. Your. Cool. She, and the courts, will bury you.
Acd134 5y ago
You must realise very clearly she doesn't love you anymore. When you do, you'll feel better. Otherwise if she doesn't allow you to see your daughter, you can sue her.
redlittleboot 5y ago
You lost the game, she is inside your mind, you were broken.
Fix your mind and your body before doing anything or you might dig yourself deeper into the hole.
Huertthescholastic 5y ago
I couldn't even read the entirety of the P.s section. Made my blood pressure rise.
Let me ask, did she start acting like that after the baby, or were you BP and didn't notice it before?
Also, I do hope mods don't take this down for not being in askTRP. These kinds of things are pretty much theory put into practice, and as it was said before, it's important for young men such as myself.
Alexbigem 5y ago
She was very decent before the baby came, at least thats how she acted.
I was an idiot for not wraping it. When we had sex for the first time, i said we should never do it without condoms again, she said relax, enjoy life, nothing will happen.
Still im the idiot who continued, everytime i expressed my concirne, she laughed and and said dont be silly, nothing will happen, you obviousl dont know how these things work.
a_desert_creature 5y ago
You allowed her to break your frame every time.
subthrowaway321 5y ago
That's because she was probably already pregnant by someone else who wouldn't commit and she needed to lock some poor schmuck down. That's you.
Alexbigem 5y ago
Still i dont regret the child itself, i regret trash like her.
Huertthescholastic 5y ago
It can't be easy being the bigger man is these situations, but you need to place her where she's at; she's a whore, and she betrayed you. Not only by going after some other dude, but with this compilation of actions by her.
I hope you can keep seeing your daughter. Talking to her as she ages will be important. It's easy for that woman to lie to her too about you.
Hope the best for you. Take it cool, too. It's tough, but take it easy.
RPmatrix 5y ago
too many guys find out like you that once the woman has a kid she now has 'the love of her life' and will forget about your 'needs' and see you purely as a 'provider' .. you were scammed by this ho bro
the one bonus you get is your daughter and she's the love of your life now so you got that. If you man up and play the game you're now in right
You're lucky you knew about TRP and had the balls to tell the story how it is, it will save your arse ... go over to 'deadbedrooms' sub and cheer yourself up a bit knowing from now on that's not gonna be you ... Ever
now go and start doing what 88willl88 said ... READ up The Rational Male is so much what you need bro
and fuck her, you're doing this for you and your daughter ...
p.s. start taking magnesium supplements to calm your headspace, the shit's amazing. Take around 1000-1500mgs per day and enjoy the difference enough Mg makes. And it works fast, you'll notice it if you're deficient and most people are these days eating mediocre to shit foods too much
Best $10 you'll spend in the next month.
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subthrowaway321 5y ago
That kid probably isn't yours dummy. Do a paternity test and get a lawyer.
serialkillerpod 5y ago
Well, to be honest you sound really immature. I know that's insulting, but it's not meant that way. It's just that from what you write it's obvious that you have not much experience being around women. It seems like you respond to her various acts in a way you would like to be responded to yourself; and this is a very bad idea. Women are very different from men and expect very different things. So that's the first thing. The second is the fact that you moved in with your gf and her mother. Why in the world would you do that? Nothing good can come of such a living situation and don't say you did it out of financial need. If you were both so broke that you couldn't afford to rent a small apartment; then you are not ready for a relationship anyway.
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KirthWGersen 5y ago
The overwhelming majority of people have no long-term problems after a vasectomy. In my case, it feels just like it did before.
a_desert_creature 5y ago
Absolutely no difference, other than the mental freedom.
I do get the occasional soreness in the area, usually around where the vas was cut/fused, but it's not awful and is fairly rare and a known possible side effect.
majaka1234 5y ago
Nope. No difference whatsoever.
If you are in the US good fucking luck getting it done without six kids and your wife's signature alongside a fat stack of cash, so fly to south America for a holiday, get it done for $100 US and get started on your 30 ejaculations with some tight Latin girls.
I got mine done at 23 and never regretted it.
15 mins on the table. Didn't feel a thing except for the initial anesthetic and I kid you not, every single guy in the clinic said "man I love my kids but I wish I did this when I was your age".
Fucking do it.
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majaka1234 5y ago
Depends where you're living. In the west you'll get treated like you're not capable of making an informed decision because "what do you know you're a guy not like you could ever make a decision that important without getting a woman involved".
In south America? Literally went like this: "are you sure?" "Yup" "cool, see you next week on Thursday". My doc has been doing 20-30 vasectomies a day for the last 20 years.
The reason I suggested traveling was if you are in the US you're not going to be covered by insurance as it's an elective surgery so by the time you factor in the costs you could get a round trip and stay in a fancy hotel and all that other good shit and still come out at 30% of what its gonna cost you and still get a US trained English speaking doctor in some tropical Latin country.
lifeonlockdown 5y ago
I live in the US and have insurance provided by employer. My vasectomy was covered 100%, didn’t cost me a dime.... so don’t assume, check your benefits. Worth the call.
Did the “no scalpel” variety, 15 min procedure, best decision I ever made. Even had my 28 YO plate there (I’m 50)... they said I shouldn’t drive directly after the procedure. No pain that couldn’t be handled by standard Tylenol.
In retrospect, I should have NOT have chosen to have plate drive, and keep the procedure secret. I think there’s some loss of attraction / power imbalance (or perhaps, balance, since this takes away some of her leverage) when they know you’re shooting blanks. Plate ended up breaking a couple years later, not sure if that was a contributing factor.
Peace of mind .... priceless.
majaka1234 5y ago
No scalpel variety? So the clip version?
Or is that just the marketing term they use in the US for the standard vasectomy which uses the keyhole incision?
a_desert_creature 5y ago
Not sure if I had "special" insurance, but mine was fully covered. I'm in the US. I had to pay the copay on the initial consultation visit since he was considered a Specialist, but the procedure itself cost me $0 out of pocket.
majaka1234 5y ago
That's really awesome.
If I was an insurance company I would cover it in an instance.
Hell, I'd be giving away vasectomies for free with every 10 year contract knowing that the cost of even the check ups and vitamins for a pregnant woman would pale in comparison to a vasectomy.
a_desert_creature 5y ago
Right? It'd also be nice if they'd knock down our premiums since we're never going to be the cause of all that expense.
21ce 5y ago
Physical sensations are indescernible. But the feeling of being safe is epic. See my post: plating safely. It's about spermjacking and snipping. Better than learning from your mistakes is learning from other peoples mistakes
stylesm11 5y ago
You need legal advice, get your daughter and fucking run, another man anywhere near her is a danger
[deleted] 5y ago
You preggo'd up trash, my man. Simple as that. And you did it from a position of absolute personal weakness. What did you expect to happen?
subthrowaway321 5y ago
From what I can deduce. She was already pregnant and simply got him on the hook for it. That kid is def not his. He's just too beta to deal with that level of cognitive dissonance.
fitnesspm 5y ago
One thing I learnt when a woman that doesn't like your cum, it means she isn't into you! When a woman is deeply in love with you, she will do anything for you. If her mum is a single parent, that is a major red flag there!! 4/5 relationships with a person that comes from a single parenting, doesn't work out!
This woman sounds like a headcase, take steps to move on with your life, going back will lead to more pain! I doubt you would ever be happy with this woman if you went back!
The best revenge is for her to see you with another woman at the same time it will help you move on with your life.
FlyingSexistPig 5y ago
It was fun being a child. But that time has past, and it's time for you to 'be a man'. The problem, and the reason you're here, is that you don't know what that means.
It means that you decide the direction of your family. Not your wife, not her mother, not her sister. You. All of your problems stem from the fact that these women make excellent followers, but they don't have capacity to lead. You must find the capacity in yourself, and grow it. You have no time to flounder around in self-pity, you have to do this now.
When you said "I'll do the best I can, but I might make mistakes" you fucked up. It's not that you aren't going to make mistakes. You are. But your statement conveys weakness and insecurity to your wife. These are not things that she finds sexy or attractive. They also put the burden of your mistakes on them, not on you. If you f*ck up, you can just say, "I told you I would make mistakes".
Women respond to a powerful man. Not physically powerful, but capable and competent. You don't have that aura, and that's the source of all your problems.
zuhbooze 5y ago
All if this was happening before you knocked the broad up?
If so, you can only accept responsibility for staying around in such a toxic environment. Best thing to do is completely avoid her. See your kid, pay your support and get on with your life.
The only interaction with her should be about you meeting to see/get your daughter. Focus on you and start fucking other pussy, SMARTLY.
Alexbigem 5y ago
No, before she had the child, she was behaving ok. Maybe it was all an act.
subthrowaway321 5y ago
He's probably the kids real dad.. . You were just an easy meal ticket until she could get him to commit. Watch how crazy she gets when you demand a paternity test. Also, you better get a fucking lawyer because I promise child support paperwork is currently being drawn up.
faggots4trump 5y ago
I bet that dude is the real father. Have you dna-tested the kid?
do_you_even_liftbro 5y ago
First thing I thought. There's a good chance that baby is not even yours OP. If I were a betting man, I'd bet my life on it.
ApexmanRP 5y ago
"grossed out by cum, she would never suck dick"
This a massive Beta tell - if she stops sucking your dick, she will soon be sucking a different one. If your woman sees you as Alpha, she will want your cum, on her and in her - its pure biology.
"Probably even sooner, she might have started seeing this dude when I got thrown out"
Sounds like a classic branch swing to me - yes she probably had him lined up already.
You must now learn about and maintain frame, she will continue to pour vitriol all over you, but you must not lower yourself. Seek advice, have a plan, be a man.
Docbear64 5y ago
BRIFFAULT'S LAW: The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place. ... Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.
One of the hardest truths to swallow is that everything you do for a woman today doesn't matter tomorrow . You busted your ass, committed, and grew into a family man I commend you for taking your responsibilities and commitment seriously, I pity you for picking the current era to do it .
The law quite simply states that yes you as a man are a piece of trash to a woman once she's done with you . If the new guy leaves her she'll want you back in her life maybe ... or she'll usher in dude #3 .
My advice to you ? You keep everything short and polite , you're attachment to her is solely a business venture with the asset between the two of you being your daughter. She's shown she is an insufferable cheating cunt and you deserve exactly what you accept. If you go back you show her exactly how weak-willed you are .
Most of us here have been burned, I too had a woman " in my soul" , yeas later she is a faded memory on the edges of my mind . The reason it hurts so much is because this pain is fresh , give it some time . The best way to get better is to move forward. Good luck.
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stylesm11 5y ago
You need to find legal advice, get your daughter and fucking run, another man anywhere near her is a danger
zealanderx 5y ago
Wow man,
A very difficult situation for sure. Here is my advice;
Your child is your priority here. You have interest in being a good father. Be that. state your boundaries clearly with your ex. Nothing should involve her new relationship or your old relationship. The focus should entirely be of the child and the tasks associated to network between yourself and the ex in care taking. It is clear she has disrespected you and she has moved on. It doesn't mean she gets to move on from the father of her child. You have a right to be a parent, she kept the child. It's your child. I would treat your relationship with her 100% as professional and do damage control there just so you can keep in good contact with your child- and be the father you want to be.
You might want to talk to a lawyer about putting together a contract about shared parental responsibilities. Including a clause that if you start making more money that it won't disproportionately go to your ex for child caring services. You don't want to see her and that guy with your money as play money.