Some younger guys on here have this fantasy that they can keep a girl as a plate forever and ever. This is a really shitty goal. The fact is most plates have an expiration date. The more conservative and relationship oriented the girl is, the shorter that time limit. Also – what nobody on here wants to talk about for fear of looking like a pussy – the greater the tendency that YOU have to getting attached, the shorter that time limit also becomes.
Look, I know… Everyone on here is alpha af and has transcended blue pill human emotion or something. Well, as someone a little older, I’m going to say that that’s bullshit. We are all human. You can’t out game Mother Nature, and oxytocin eventually sneaks up on all of us. It’s not beta, it’s just physiology. I don't care how red pilled you are, unless you're a sociopath, you will become somewhat attached to any girl you spend time with long term. Mammal pair bonding and all that. Sure, you can deliberately slow down the process if you see her very irregularly, etc. but it's almost impossible to shut it down completely. Eventually, whether you want to admit it or not, you will start to get attached.
Of course every relationship is different. You can push past that relationship expiration date to a degree if you choose. With solid frame on a somewhat submissive girl, you can manage to put off any kind of official commitment almost indefinitely. But, trust me, you really don’t want to try. Even if you pull it off, it’s not gonna lead you anywhere good. Not only are you likely to mess her up somewhat, the truth is, you're going to be unintentionally fucking with your own head.
Are there exceptions to what I’m saying? Of course. I mean, if you and the girl are hyper self aware and 100% on the same page, you might be able to maintain something more casual for longer. Or if you or someone you’re seeing travels all the time for work or something where life circumstances make a commitment impossible… Yeah, things can stay as they are for quite a while. But I think these situations are the exception, not the rule. Very few girls want to just date forever. And, the uncomfortable truth about yourself that you should acknowledge, is that YOU might not be as capable of maintaining a casual relationship as you would like to believe. No matter how often you repeat that she’s “not your girlfriend,” after enough time goes by – subconsciously or consciously – “girlfriend” is exactly how you will BOTH likely begin to think of the relationship.
So do yourself a favor and don't try to game a girl for eternity. At a certain point, it’s LTR or gtfo. It’s not about safe guarding the girl’s feelings or giving her the commitment because she wants it. It’s about having the balls to really be honest with yourself about your own steadily creeping level of attachment and making a conscious decision to commit or not, before time and nature start to push that choice onto you.
Remember, by definition, EVERY relationship you’re in long enough becomes an LTR. But the intentional LTRs are a lot better than the ones you find yourself in because you tried to keep some random girl around longer than was good for anyone.
TLDR: Attachment is just physiology and it happens to all of us. Acknowledge you’re not above that emotion and avoid drama.
Hyper_Sonik 5y ago
So basically society has become one giant orgy and relationships are dead.
Ezaar 5y ago
No because pair binding occurs.
If you don’t want to have a life partner, respect the expiration date.
simplisticallysimple 5y ago
Downvote all you want.
But relationships are beginner game. Plating is intermediate game. Pure P&D is advanced game.
If you have a scarcity mentality coupled with a lack of options, you'll naturally see relationships as the most sensible way to secure sex and companionship by cheating the process and throwing your resources into the mix to entice her to be with you. One step up, if you're attractive to multiple women and have an abundance mentality, you'll be very slow to give into commitment from women. You'll fuck multiple women at once (a.k.a. plating), but you won't replace them unless you need to. Why? Because you haven't developed a repeatable blueprint to get pussy yet. So you need to keep them around to prevent long dry spells. You don't know if you get rid of one, when the next one will come by.
Advanced game is basically when you have already perfected a predictable, repeatable game plan to bang new girls all the time. This can be anything, e.g. Tinder game, living next to a bar/beach, working as a bartender/lifeguard/club promoter, etc. At this stage, you don't only have an abundance mentality -- you actually have abundance reality. You wouldn't bother with plating, because you're confident you can get a new girl to fuck every single week predictably and reliably. If you're in this position, even spinning plates will feel like too much work; you're much better off just putting that effort towards getting a new girl altogether. After all, fucking the same girl over and over again is boring, and it won't increase your n-count.
The truth is if we can fuck new girls all the time, we would. It's literally written into our DNA to do that. Guys spinning plates saying they prefer to fuck the same girls because of chemistry or whatever are hamstering the same way that relationship guys are hamstering about how they value connection over mindless quantity. It's not a true preference, but a preference of necessity.
My point is that we should all strive towards going beyond spinning plates. If you're all about self-improvement and want to take your game to the next level, getting good at getting one-time flings regularly should be your next goal.
Shyrk 5y ago
TBH any girl worth having around past ONS will test you hard early, take a meet or two to fuck (aka waste of time if you’re running plates only) and will launch the “what are we” talk by 12 weeks max.
YMMV, but it’s not exactly rocket science. Higher-value women will pursue their natural agenda and try to lock you down. This is why low-SMV women are ideal starter plates: if the girl is worth anything and you aren’t looking for exclusivity, she will weed herself out.
Plates are many and disposable, basically come with a printed expiration date, and if you’re high-SMV will compete to be your exclusive. This is by design, but we control it. You don’t get into an LTR by accident.
mchief101 5y ago
I got attached to a fwb of 7 months. When we “broke” up, i decided to add her coworker on social media and she found out. She got angry and jealous and started texting me a bunch of stuff about how i’m an unfaithful person and how i’m not a good person. I told her she’s not my gf, i can do whatever i want and during our fwb relationship, i didn’t say a word when u were with other guys. Next thing you know, she says she has a bf. We went from holding hands even after the break up, to her finding out about the coworker to now she suddenly has a bf.
I decided to meet her for lunch after arguing with her on text and i saw that she suddenly changed her wallpaper to her and this new guy. I said what is that and she says its none of your business. She was in a rush to meet her bf that day apparently. It seemed like she was doing all these things to make me hurt because oh boy i was breathing hard and my heart was racing when i saw the wallpaper. I got attached and the feelings were driving me nuts. I have her blocked for now so i can move on.
An_Actual_Politician 5y ago
You think it was an accident that you noticed her wallpaper??
Don't give her the satisfaction of caring.
EPArt 5y ago
Ha one day this will just make you laugh
[deleted] 5y ago
I had one for 8 years, never had any feelings for her, she eventually met a guy a married him. Maybe not forever but you can keep them a long time...
TheYekke 5y ago
Just bang them until the ‘where is this relationship going?’ talk or 3 months go by
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NaivE5 5y ago
Once attachment comes in your life, anxiety will come. Once anxiety comes, fear will come. Then madness is next step. When you get attached to somebody you are trying to identify yourself with that person in order to make your life happen. If you are a complete being, you don't need anybody or you shouldn't get attached to anyone. If you are attached to someone then you are even willing to conquer the whole word to avoid ditachment. Love is different than attachment. Our generation has misunderstood love with attachment. Love neither needs constant attention nor there are any expectations.
mindplaybyneo 5y ago
If you plate multiple women it wouldn’t be hard. I find it easy not to catch feelings having multiple women around.
jefferson_ 5y ago
Yeah... abundance mentality and all.
Geleemann 5y ago
I actually liked my LTR for 2 years while it lasted. I'd want companionship with a quality woman again. I'll be staying single for now
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YoungManHHF 5y ago
How to be able to next easy without any kind of consequences? Is there any advice to this?
leviathan51 5y ago
How long do you spin plates? Personally, I had this existential crisis - up to this point, my TRP goal was getting my SMV up enough to have plates. Now that I do, I get bored of them so fast!
LeftyGuns88 5y ago
Dude, that Captain Crunch reference made me laugh. You have made my whole morning, Sir!
[deleted] 5y ago
But what is the point of smashing a few times just to move onto some other random to do the same thing?
I don't really understand that
[deleted] 5y ago
I mean what is the point of living some time than we die?
I don't really understand that.
DeeplyDisturbed1 5y ago
One of the most solid facts ever posted on this sub. Ever. Well done /u/guhajin
Venny_1 5y ago
It's important to note that the metaphor in Rollo's The Rational Male is about spinning plates, and not just viewing girls as plates in and of themselves.
You spin plates, multiple ones. One will fall and break, and you replace it with another. A second plate falls and breaks, and you replace that one.
If you only have one plate to spin (i.e. only one girl), that means that you are investing all your energy and focus on this one plate, which is why it will potentially not break since your eyes and hands are fully handling it. That is not serving the actual metaphor in the book, nor is it doing you any favors.
vafka 5y ago
True story, alpha fuckboys gotta learn. But, you don't just get attached to any girl, you get attached to the HB11 (+1 for connection).
JarHeadJoseph 5y ago
I have a HB6 for my oneitus and it’s a fucking disease that I can’t kick. Been trying for years.
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JAVIERFLORESGZ 5y ago
Really needed this post, man. Thank you. I kept a plate for 4 years and now that it's over and we're both seeing other people it feels kinda odd. I usually feel as a confident guy but I have not been able to handle this situation, you know, of her fucking other guys, even my own friends.
TheRealDennisVang 5y ago
I think there's a reason why they tell you to spin multiple plate, not just one lol.
mchief101 5y ago
i can't handle this feeling either after having a plate for 7 months....
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Prophets_Prey 5y ago
This. Started developing feelings for this one plate after cuddling and treating her as more than a plate. I caught myself and took it easy. I'm not bothered if the girls I see leave, it's my stupid bond pairing instincts that affect me more. Thanks to trp I've matured somewhat, so i can acknowledge my instincts and then decide my next course of action with them in mind.
Zech4riah 5y ago
If you meet her more than once a week, spend nights together and do girlfriend-boyfriend stuff - then yes, you probably get attached but if you just meet her once a week for 2-3 hours to fuck - then it's hard to get attached if you have other girls.
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Zech4riah 5y ago
Yes, exceptions happen and some people are more prone to attachment than others.
I'm a type of guy who doesn't fall in love. I get a bit attached but that's all and I think this is my blessing. I rarely get any oneitisy thoughts and if I do they last around 24 hours at most.
But I still follow the rules that I dont end up into situation like you did:
KeffirLime 5y ago
If we can't out game mother nature we would be eating and fucking as we please and probably swinging from trees, you CAN understand it and manipulate it in your favour.
We are not slaves to our hormones. We can recognize and understand the effects they have on us and make a logical decision based on this knowledge
Being red pilled is not about not getting attached, it's about understanding why you're getting attached and not being a slave to this feeling. It's about making a logical decision in spite of the attachment.
There's no such thing as expiration dates, it goes as long as it goes. Thats it. Once again painting women as poor helpless little victims, a plate is the opposite of fucking with someones head. It's about being comletely honest that you're a short term option guy and allowing her to make her decision based off that. If your'e fucking with her head you're doing it wrong. And if your own head is being fucked with you're also doing it very wrong.
One of the only bits of truth in here, this is the primary reason a plate can't last forever, because eventually she'll want something more and you presenting yourself as a short term option guy wont be the one to provide this.
Once again doing it very wrong, plates implies multiple partners. This is just dating someone that progresses to LTR. Plating is where you keep it shallow. If you keep swimming out to sea sure you'll find depth. But if you constantly swim on the shoreline, you're simply swimming in shallow water. It doesn't stop your plate from swimming out in search of more depth, doesn't mean you have to swim out with her, and this is where your plate will usually break.
Plates do generally break, but not for the reasons you've presented in this post. This is a complete misinterpretation of how the plate dynamic works. Surprised with the amount of upvotes it has.
FeralRed 5y ago
This.
Plates stop spinning, fall to the ground and break.
That leaves your pole free to pick up a new plate and spin it up.
The entire reason they're called plates.
fblackstone 5y ago
How can we accept this reality without any pain and anger?
Nov51605 5y ago
excellent shit !! this was my case a few weeks ago. She was wanting more, and i was getting drawn in as well. i just held my ground, remained indifferent, showed respect to how she felt, but held my ground and poof - she's gone - no drama, no argument.
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TheTrenTrannyTrain 5y ago
Mother nature is a bitch, despite TRP teachings. Best we can do is temper our hormonal sides and learn to work with our innate desire to bond with a woman.
ex_addict_bro 5y ago
Reported, I do hope mods will show you the way out
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KeffirLime 5y ago
And this gets downvoted, people just can't let go of their "falling in love and there's nothing you can do about it fantasy". Will also be reporting.
ex_addict_bro 5y ago
A paragraph or two looks like concern trolling to me.
Anything ending with a “fantasy” is not the material that should be posted here.
This is a “good feels” post. Science disproves everything OP stated. Such posts have no place here in my opinion, but I’m not a mod.
TheRedPike 5y ago
Automod nicked it. I won't put it back up unless you you want to tear it apart some more. I generally nuke any post that starts with the word "Dont"
RiderHood 5y ago
Who says the relationship needs to turn monogamous? I plan to turn all my good plates into LTRs.
truecrisis 5y ago
He is saying it doesn't work that way.
That you will get attached and then find yourself in a bad place when they leave.
VyomK3 5y ago
Can anymore give me Red pill about these abbreviations that seems way common in this thread?
LTR: Long Term Relationship
ONS: One Night Stand
HB11: Hot Babe (often followed by a number as an indication of ranking on a 1-10 scale)
TRP: The Red Pill
SMV: Sexual Market Value
Edit: Found meaning of all of them from the sidebar links. Sorry, new here. This post may benefit others.