Bad case of one-itis. Thought she was that 'quality woman' and she would come to study for 6 months in my country which would've been when we actually would have a real relationship.

I noticed I have made myself so weak. I am just so disgusted with myself. Early on she was in my friendzone for a long time, we started talking a lot more and well, I told her I'd like to see her and date and see where it goes, I actually valued the friendship we had 4 years prior, but that also combined with never having read anything coming close to red pill caught me completely off guard for what followed.

I early on had thoughts arising in me 'you don't really love her' and a strong gut feeling she's probably cheating all the time. Not to make this too long, in the end, she left me, not a word heard from her since, and boy did it sting, and it still does. All the promises of the 'soulmate' myth I believed and I went through life, with a sort of wide eyed naievety waiting for that experience to fulfill me.

Not anymore. People say I changed but I just can't buy it anymore. It's like this experienece has made me cynical, but also I feel more tough, but this alternates with periods where I feel so useless and weak, and I go over how I behaved in this relationship, and I hate to admit that even now, I still have feelings for her.

I noticed a small indication of progress, because a week or 3 after, I and this girl started hanging out more and more, and well, before I would have done the friends first thing. But now, I did something I never did before, I was sitting at her place and I just said, without giving a shit what she thinks that I thought she was hot and basically, I got rejected. The beauty though is this. I got rejected, and I didn't care. I just left, and feeling that I just frankly spoke what I wanted without caring about the outcome was a new sensation to me.

I'm still beta, I'm 25, my life is a mess, I have so much work to do. The disney lie has been revealed to me. I am quite depressed because it's quite a huge shift in my consciousness, but it's also empowering. I'm feeling compelled more and more to read into TRP. And already, around me I notice the resistance in people. Broken men saying they 'gave all, and how could she do this' who try to pull me back down, women suddenly reveiling they are a feminist and try to shame me, whenever I come too close to these subjects. I'm at a place where I'm just done though. I don't want to end up like these older men. I'm 25, and well, I guess it could have been worse. Step by step, brothers