Jack sparrow Captain Crunch or Captain hook

I don't really count it as people pleasing with my husband. I do things like get him water, rub his feet etc to show affection (acts of service is my love language anyway) but he gives back to balance the relationship.

Acting playful/having child like wonder really melts him.

Former insecure people-pleaser here.

People-pleasing is unhealthy. You are doing things from a place of insecurity because you want people to like you, and you think that if you don't, they'll hate you. And even when you do those things, you worry that people still secretly hate you. You're also very easy to take advantage of, and not many people respect you. Most importantly, you are terrified of conflict and will hold things in, only to have a meltdown when you've been walked over too much and can't do it anymore (which, let's face it, nobody could).

Deferring to my Captain is healthy. I do it from a place of calmness, security, and enjoying the feeling of being treasured and served. I trust him, and I can tell that he feels good when I show it. When he says, "I've got this, don't be scared, we'll be okay" or "I made a plan for us tonight, we're going to [x] and it'll be fun," I believe him. After all, we've been dating long enough for him to have earned my trust. That doesn't mean conflict never happens; occasionally, it does. But I don't hold it in indefinitely. I've learned to calmly and privately let him know what the problem is, how I feel, and why.

Two key things: Know yourself and your values/boundaries. Let him earn your trust.

Melts his heart: I pick my husband flowers pretty often. He told me he likes that I see beauty in the world and that I'm always looking for wild flowers when drive or hike. I also make him mini paintings and little doodles, he saves them all. Devotion: I take care of him and support him, listen to him, hold him. I also love to brag about how wonderful he is and lift him up to other people, especially when he is in ear shot. Not kissing ass or anything, but I love telling people when he's really good at something or set him up to show off his intelligence and skills.

It was much easier before we started building a custom home.

I generally just let him decide about most things. What do I care? He is paying. He is working for that money. I get to do pretty much whatever I want from daybreak to 5pm. He gets what he wants.

Building a home takes about 10,000 decisions that he has no time or mental energy for.

Now I have to make choices about materials, design, colors… and if I’m wrong, it’s on me. And it’s still “his” money, though he shies away from that talk. Everything is “ours”.