I believe she is being unreasonable...you have to stop and should only be attracted to her, yet she can continue to watch and being attracted to others.

It is healthy to look, for both males and females. My SO and I often discuss the good points of females together, and he knows I look at males. My SO watches porn, when I started to understand men better, I realised I had no need to worry.

Disclaimer: I do not care if my husband looks at porn or masturbates. It has never been a problem for me.

I don't think it's fair at all for her to ask you to stop, I don't care that she does it herself- although that makes it hypocritical as well. You shouldn't have to stop because it bothers her. Her feelings are irrational. Tell her respectfully and firmly that you will do it when it want. End of story. She has the right to feel upset because we all have the right to feel whatever we feel, but she doesn't have the right to take that upset feeling out on you. She knows she's being irrational, she needs to step up and take responsibility for her irrationality instead of expecting you to modify your behavior to ease it for her.

Jealousy is an intense emotion, I think when practical a partner should avoid doing things that make the other person jealous out of respect. I think watching porn is fine, but if one person has such strong feelings against it, it's best to sacrifice the porn.

Also, you should avoid watching porn by yourself for the /r/nofap reason. Jerking off by yourself to porn is like drinking by yourself. It's not the end of the world, but you are better of without it, it's a waste of time, a cheap fix.

But it's bad you are making this about trying to placate your girlfriends blatantly hypocritical and irrational demands. When she says you should only be attracted to her and only her you should laugh in her face, and remind her you are a red-blooded male. It sounds mean but in the long run she will respect you more, because you showing you are strong, and that's what she wants. This is just a shit test. Deep down she knows her feelings are stupid and wants you set her straight.

I really don't like my husband watching porn, but as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life I just try to not think about it and keep my mouth shut.

If you can look at your masturbation and porn habits honestly and say it isn't interfering, then she needs to get over it ESPECIALLY because she is doing the exact same thing! Have you ever asked her to explain her logic behind porn being okay for her but not for you? Force her to see through the hamster. My vote goes to unreasonable.

This is a bit more emotional to me. I admit I will watch it because I enjoy sexuality and I enjoy the unreality of those situations. I know my boyfriend watches it too. Early on in our relationship we would watch it together, which obviously made me (the female) more comfortable with the idea of it and I never had a problem with my boyfriend watching it. Then let's fast forward a bit. There was a time where I would be sexually neglected for weeks because of porn. I definitely made it clean to him that it was an issue, but nothing changed. Eventually it lead to me breaking down and crying because I just could not grasp the fact he would rather watch these females, who don't even compare, over me. It has happened two to three times. If you're doing this then I can see WHY she would feel and react these ways, I'm sorry. It got to the point of me NOT watching it because I would find it so repulsing. I started to resent it and everything about it. Finally, when I stopped crying like a little bitch (excuse my language) things changed. If you're not neglecting her needs sexually, saying she is doing all of her work in the relationship that is necessary, then she is in the wrong. The only way I could see this being a problem is if you're neglecting her for long periods for an unrealistic experience. Then I can see where she would get off on asking you to not watch it, but even then I bet she wouldn't be watching it because being a female it would bring you to a pretty pissed off emotional place.

Disclaimer: Now this is not an issue. No one is perfect and things happen. I'm okay with him watching it now because frankly the way I view his love this far into our relationship is not solely based upon the amount of physical needs my man wants or needs from me. I see when he plows the drive way, or keeps my fishing license in his wallet for me, or heck pushes me out of the drive way simply so I can go to the gym.. She may just need to learn that sex doesn't show you a man's love or the worth he has for you. Which is what I did have to learn, but we also have a much deeper connection now where I can't see this situation happening again to us.

I totally agree with what Dana said, RPW or not.

She's shit testing and not being respectful of your needs. On top of this she doesn't seem to have a problem with watching it herself? pfft, put her in her in her place or you will be regretting not doing it until the divorce or death do you part.

Male here- I do what the f@@k I want to. I suggest you do the same.

your girlfriend is being a massive hypocrite and you're pandering to it? Good luck. She doesn't own your junk, you do. Stop being ashamed of your sexuality. If she reads this subreddit, can't you tell her to make a thread and we will explain this directly to her?

This is one thing I've never understood.

I don't get why people feel insecure with regards to porn. I mean, I can understand WHY someone might possibly feel that way, but I don't get why those feelings can't just be rationalized away the second they realize that their significant other remains physically and emotionally faithful to them and them alone.

My fiance and I watch porn together and separately (though I like a type of porn that makes him uncomfortable, haha) and it does nothing but help. There's no room for insecurity when I'm the one pleasing him. The ladies on the screen are a fantasy, nothing more. In my mind, they might as well not even exist. By that I mean they have absolutely no bearing on our relationship with each other whatsoever.

Men have a much more visual style of sexual arousal than women (which is why men are so much more likely to have paraphilias like fetishes). For a woman to try and tell a man that he "shouldn't need porn" and should be satisfied with her alone is, to say the least, missing the point.

Plus, porn is a really great way of experiencing things you either can't or don't want to actually experience in real life. Like, I enjoy (to put in my fiance's elegant terms as we are currently discussing this now) "watching a girl get railroaded by 30 different guys" but I certainly wouldn't want to have that happen to me!

In the end, masturbation is a healthy aspect of any relationship and I think that it shouldn't matter what masturbatory aids you use to get off as long as they are not supplanting any sexual activity with your girlfriend. I don't think she has any right to tell you otherwise ESPECIALLY when she herself is doing the EXACT same thing.

My wife led a fairly uptight religious sheltered upbringing, she never seemed to pick up that she should feel bad/jealous for my watching porn and actually asked to investigate what I liked to watch to better understand my desires. Its been a mixed blessing, her sheltered ways, she wasn't very experienced when we entered a relationship but at the same time she was definitely eager to broaden her horizons.

The only porn she doesn't care for is of heather brooke, that girl's ability is not easily emulated ;)

Women need to understand that a man's happiness is not theirs to control. If a man finds pleasure in your body, enjoy that - if a man finds pleasure elsewhere, don't be jealous of that, be happy for his happiness. Jealousy is a very dark, negative emotion that needs to be stamped down whenever possible. Envy is acceptable, wanting to obtain what someone else has is positive and inspirational, but jealousy has a strong tear-down undertone, "if I can't have it neither should they", learn to recognize the difference between the two and resoundingly reject the latter.

Here's a good way of looking at this -

A great steak requires tender care to make and prepare a satisfying meal. But I cannot eat steak all day, every day I'd just get sick of it.

Some days I just want make myself a sandwich.

If you want your partner to be happy, offer him oral instead of him doing it himself. Then there's no guilt on his end and everyone walks away satisfied.

I think this is both controlling and hypocritical. I've told her as much. She seems to agree but still can't bring herself to get over it.

She can't get over it because you won't allow her to... she's like a kid throwing a tantrum.

You stop watching porn, you lose AND she get's to keep being a hypocrite.

You keep watching porn but being ambivalent about it, acting as if you feel guilty/are wrong somehow, and she will exploit that weakness by whining/complaining/guilt tripping you to get her way. You're keeping hope alive and so the battle will never end.

You keep watching porn and tell her she's being unreasonable, there's nothing left to discuss, and you back that up by not engaging her when she tries to press the issue.... she has no choice but to deal (or break up with you #norisknoreward).

Choice is yours.

But if you want to come out on top, you DO NOT negotiate with terrorists.

Especially not hypocritical ones.

this is a fight for dominance and you have let her win

this is a beta frame:

I've pretty much stopped watching porn, in large part because I don't feel comfortable doing so when I know she is upset inside. I've got her to at least not start a fight with me about but that's not really enough for me to feel comfortable.

this will escalate in your relationship until you stop doing everything that "upsets" her til she rules the roost and you are crying in your man cave waiting for your last kid to turn 18. you are a grown man and she is not your mom and your masturbatory habits are your business.

i have to add that i dont know that this is an official "RPW" stance, this is my opinion, a wife has to understand a man is a man and let him be one. your girlfriend is shit testing and controlling you with her emotions

Honestly it hurts my feelings and upsets me when my husband watches porn in spite of me knowing that is SO EXTREMELY STUPID. I actually wasn't sure if I even wanted to admit to this because it's embarrassing to me that I would be upset about it. I just can't help it. I have only asked that he not watch it while I'm home because I don't turn him down for sex, and I don't want him using his hand when I'm just in the other room waiting and wanting to please. No matter how much it may hurt me I would never ask him not to watch at all. For one thing I'm not so naive as to think I can make such a demand and he will actually listen. Men watch porn. I would guess it's pretty difficult to find a man who never watches porn. It's a totally normal and expected thing.

Your girlfriend is not being realistic, she is not making the effort to see things from a male perspective, and she is being disrespectful and controlling by trying to dictate your masturbation habits. You're a grown man. Her behavior is NOT okay, and you are letting her win. This is the antithesis of what a RP relationship should be. As a woman I'm not sure how to tell you to fix it, but I would head to TRP for some pointers on regaining your control.

The only way to make a man stop watching porn and masturbating is to keep his balls empty. This goes beyond just always being available. You must fuck him everyday. Blow him a couple times a week and anal twice a month. He's far less likely to be horny enough to use his hand if he has a constant and steady source of a variety of quality sex.

Has anyone taken a look over at yourbrainonporn.com? There seem to be some compelling data to suggest that it might not be best in excess for a variety of reasons, including maintaining interest in your "ordinary" partner. It has been mentioned quite a few times on MMSL. I've not gone through the whole site.

I do keep coming back to humans did not have access to porn as we know it (full HD, instant and constant access, whatever flavour you want) for more than 15 years. This was not "normal" until quite recently. Yes, there have been nudie mags for 4 generations now, and hand drawn sketches, and of course men have always -- and will always -- masturbate in private. This does not equate to what I feel we are discussing.

Also, I feel like this website may have been setup with an agenda and it may not be scientifically legit. I feel it may be backed by perhaps religious funding to de-normalize this "harmful" behaviour. Then again, maybe not. I know there are a few articles out there debunking it, but I haven't had a chance to look into it in detail. If anyone knows more please interject!

I don't have a moral stance on it, but I do wonder about the societal impacts (some men expecting women to fuck like a porn star and some women picking up on that and acting like porn stars... in and out of the bedroom. .. hence the rise of the raunch queens)

I have nothing against porn. I'm partial to written erotica myself, but my SO has absolute free choice to beat off as he will. (It feels silly and entitled to even have to include that) However, I personally know a fair number of relationships that have suffered from inappropriate or excessive porn use.

Thoughts?

OP: not trying to say you watch to excess. I am just genuinely interested in the larger effect.

This was a game changer for me: have you tried watching porn together? You can then tell your girl (and truthfully) it's just not the same without her.

These feelings she's having are normal but the way she's dealing with them might not be the best (I'm being nice here). She watches too and that could be a great way of explaining it's "meaningless" (it's not like you love these girls or would prefer them to yours it just is)

But you need to draw a line. Men watch porn and enjoy it (fact). Your girl needs to accept this truth and you can both work together to get through

So long as your habits don't border on addiction and cause issues sexually, I would say she has no room (in fact, less since she does it too) to say you can't watch porn. You hold your frame and don't give in; she'll learn to be tolerant or leave. The fact she's pushing so hard for you to do it is controlling and awful of her. That says she's not good for the long term.

My SO watches porn, and that's fine by me. I know he just needs to get those things out sometimes, so I never judge him for doing it. I watch it too, just not as often, so I still know I can't play a "Holier than thou" card.