Background: Married 9 years, together 11. Husband's mother and I have extremely differing world views, and she has been extremely judgmental and passive-aggressive towards me. She blames me for him not being Catholic like her, for example. He stood by me, but it wasn't easy being in the middle and I admit, I didn't make it easy in the beginning. Luckily, we lived across the country from her.
Since then, I've made a huge effort to get along and he's made the effort to defend me when necessary. But also since then, we moved and are now only an hour or so away from her. I genuinely want to encourage their own relationship, but I can see he's resentful of how she's treated me in the past and keeping her at a distance. And admittedly, things are better partly because I've gotten better at establishing boundaries with her. How do I encourage that relationship but also keep boundaries with her for myself?
Imnotarobotforrreal 5y ago
His mother sounds immature.
In marriage a man leaves his mother and father to be one with his wife. You come first and if his mother cannot make the effort to play nice, shes out.
This isnt your fault or your problem to fix.
God bless
norahlady 5y ago
You can't control his feelings towards his mother or manage his relationships. The best you can do is just make it clear that you've moved on from the past and don't have a problem with her, and then trust him to conduct his relationship with her however he sees fit.
pigghenuette12 5y ago
Head over to R/justnomil and read their stories. A lot of those MILs are crazy pants, but they give excellent advice- communication between you and hubby are essential, boundary setting, etc etc. She may not be even half as bad as some of those women, but perspective is always good and their advice is applicable to more than just MILs! Good luck!