Me and my husband currently both work full time, but soon I will be becoming a SAHW. It's part of the agreement that I will take on all household chores (so all cooking, cleaning, washing, caring for pets, gardening and dealing with bills), and if he finds one that needs done, it's up to me to do it as soon as possible.

I think this seems right to me, do you think? But maybe your cousin has a busy household which means she isn't able to do all the chores?

Depends on the house, I'd say. Personally, just as a housewife, my primary focus would probably be on cooking healthy well thought-out meals (not these 30 minute or crock pot deals, usually) and keeping the bills/appointments/etc. in order (as that's part of the job that too many people forget about, it's basically like being a personal assistant/finance manager/etc. who makes sure shit gets done), cleaning isn't a HUGE thing? There isn't usually much to do when it's just two people, unless one of you is REALLY messy. If one is religious then participation with their local sect may be part of it, because being an active part of your community is also good.

That said? If he comes home and takes it upon himself to do dishes that I haven't gotten to, yet? That's on him. No, I don't think it's a failure, I think it's his choice. If I'm busy with something else and plan to get to the dishes later, I'd likely tell him that he didn't have to do that, I planned on getting to them, but thank him, anyway. In this case, I do not see it as a failure on the wife's part. However, if they have been sitting there overnight, or some considerable time when he's seen them more than once in a long period of time? Yes, that is definitely a failing on the wife.

It's an argument I've never understood. Housework is MY JOB, especially during the school year when DD isn't home all day. There are certain tasks DH has to handle in order for me to uphold my end (ie, the kitchen sink started leaking today so I can't physically wash the few dishes in there), but I stay home in order to take care of my family in a way I couldn't before quitting my office job. That includes cleaning, cooking, laundry, scheduling, etc.

If he's working 8-9 hour days, I should be putting in just as much effort. It's not demeaning for me to do housework just because I'm a woman. If I were the breadwinner, and he stayed home, I'd expect the same.

I was a SAHM without a job and absolutely agree. That said, when DH is home, it should not be his personal mission to be a careless oaf who leaves behind a mess everywhere he goes. He should pick up after himself and if he is doing a messy task, he should take care to clean as he goes and not make life harder on anyone else. Simple courtesy.

Before I became a SAHM, I was a housewife for a while. Honestly - I found it very easy and was grateful to my husband for suggesting it for us for a time. I did a few household chores each day, spent some time on my hobbies, and baked/cooked him nice things from scratch. I knew that I had things very easy, so it would have felt wrong to expect dh to do things when he got home. My mil was a little appalled that I didn't ask him to clean up from dinner because that's how he was rasied, but it worked well for us.

I am now a SAHM and have always still enjoyed doing most things around the home. There have been times where my husband has helped more - during pregnancy morning (or rather all day) sickness, when our toddler was a fussy newborn, and at points throughout this pregnancy as I've had complications. I never take advantage of him, and am very thankful that he will help me when I need it.

I think that if you're a housewife or SAHM, there is such importance in seeing the value in your role. It will bring joy and help you to do your best. Dh goes out to work, whereas my work is at home. I also love for my husband to come home to a haven as much as possible; he works extremely hard and I want to make his life as easy as possible.

I’m a stay-at-home Mom but that doesn’t mean my husband does no housework or child rearing. If that were the case, then that would mean he works an 8 hour day and my day is 24 hours.

Now, do I do the bulk of the housekeeping? Yes, but there are a few chores (like cleaning the litter, breaking up the cardboard recycling, and taking out the garbage) that are his responsibility. I also expect a little courtesy on his part, such as not making a huge mess in the kitchen for me to clean up.

We’ve always done at 80/20 with whoever stays home with kids doing the lion’s share and the working partner helping out. It works well for us. Right now I’m the breadwinner and he’s home with the kids. I would never expect him to do absolutely EVERYTHING while being the hands-on dad. I have no problem helping out with chores after coming home after a shift because I know he’s been working hard parenting as well as cooking and cleaning. I would never say that he failed at his (difficult) job being home with the kids because I had to put a few dishes away. Now, if he was home scratching his balls all day playing video games while our kids did nothing but watching TV and eating junk - and then I had to come home and clean - I wouldn’t be a happy camper. But I know he is more than pulling his weight so I’m fine to pitch in. That’s what a partnership is.

I think this is really fair. I stay at home, and our kids are pets, so not near as demanding as human babies, and I have no problem doing all the housework. The only things I don't do are jobs involving heavy lifting, such as bringing in the patio furniture before a storm, taking out the trash, and putting the cover on the hot tub and pool.

I think whoever stays at home should do 90% of the housework especially if there aren't kids involved. If there are to me the working parent still has a duty to play with/help out with the kids. However they shouldn't have to come home and clean everything either still.

TBH, I feel like it's a pointless argument because it depends on the housework involved. Is it a big house and/or garden? Are there animals involved? Are we including stuff like sewing/mending or basic house repairs? What level of cleanliness are we talking about? When cooking, how many of the ingredients are made from scratch? I still think a lot of this can be managed in a given day but there are a lot of variables.

We have our own business which my husband is much, much better at running than me so I do ALL the household chores in order to free up as much time as possible for him to focus on the business and sure enough, he works super hard. It works really well for us as I really hate the admin and marketing side of the business and quite happy sorting out the kids and house and he's happy to sit for hours working, answering the phone, dealing with people etc.

I am not a SAHW but I do still feel the chores around the house are my duty. Our schedules are a little odd so there are some days where he is home most of the day and will clean up around the house. I always thank him for this because like I said I feel it is my duty. But in reality it is different in each relationship. Expectations should be laid out plainly as to not cause confusion.

But on that note I agree with you. If you are a SAHW and you have no job at all then yes the home should be entirely your responsibility ( give or take actual repairs and things of that nature.)

If there are no children involved, and we're talking a normal middle-class household and house of 2000 sqft or less and no large pet load, then yeah, there's zero excuse for a messy house. Not with today's conveniences (dishwasher, washer/dryer, power everything).

Anybody could handle that short of disability. What is she doing with her time and his money?

I completely agree.