The fact that he lets you boss him around and quietly resents it, shows that he is a permissive guy. It sounds like you want him to be more domineering, so you are shit testing him to get him to react. Maybe he's just not the one for you. If he was capable of taking the lead he will have done already.

How long have you been together? I hope I’m wrong, but I think it’s dead.

You have accepted the fact that you are the kind of woman that wants to follow a leader, be feminine or even submissive. It’s already such a great achievement to be able to accept this, although it’s completely against what the society/media say. You made a second great achievement by taking actions to reach your goal relationship (being feminine by taking care of your appearance and so on). But what you are missing is that alpha male in front of you. If you take the leadership in your relationship, it’s very probably because he doesn’t. If you have a strong personnality, it’s even more difficult to find someone that is able to handle you.

You should discuss this with him. Make him read articles about the RP. Tell him what you want. With what you wrote, I’d say either he changes, either you’ll have to find another male, a one that will firmly guide you in your daily life.

Unfortunately there are a lot of men that are not dominant nor leaders. And most of them will never change, or they’ll change for a month or two and then go back to their old bad habits...

I really hope you’ll be able to work this out with him.

It sounds like part of the problem is him. Does he act like a normal adult would and gets things done? Or does he put things off a lot? Don't compare his actions to what is common, compare his actions to what an adult should be and what is healthy.

The other thing is you. Try to let some things go and not get done. Stop being so controlling. Can you give an example of you being too controlling? Maybe he's just a layabout and you're tired of that. Remember, you cannot change him... ever, no matter how feminine you look or act. He first has to want to change, and then actually make changes himself.

Now, what is your final goal? To repair the relationship? How do you know it's even repairable? Being repairable means he has the potential for change. What has he changed in the past? Is there evidence he can change at all? Or is this just a pipe dream?

You can also look for Susan Winter on Youtube. She has good, practical videos.

It sounds like you’ve got the external femininity down pat. Now it’s time to work on the internal :)

/u/LaneysWorld2 has good points about submissiveness.

Here are 3 things you can easily do, that will make a big difference:

1.) Relinquish your need for constant control. I highly recommend reading three books, for some more concrete, helpful advice:

-The Surrendered Single or The Surrendered Wife (whichever one applies to you) -Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand -The Fascinating Girl or Fascinating Womanhood (again either or depending on your marital status)

2.) Focus on admiring and building him up- both in public and in private. He will love you for it and it WILL improve your relationship.

3.) Remember that your nature is inherently feminine. We all make mistakes, the important thing is be continually improving and moving in the right direction. Get it girl ;)

Edit= Typos

STFU and step back and let him lead. Don't automatically jump in to take the reins. It might take a while for him to get out of the habit of expecting you to take over.

I boss him around and I hate it.

Stop. :)

It's great that you look the part, now work on acting the part! Fake it til you make it. Pick a gentle, cool, female character you love - and imitate her when you are interacting with him. Don't tell him you're doing it, just do it. It will feel weird, like pretending. That's okay. Sometimes, if you change the behaviour first, the thoughts will catch up.

Focus on making sure your own stuff is in order, and let him do his thing. Give him the space he needs to man up. As long as you micromanage, he will continue to not make decisions or take control. As long as you're at the steering wheel, he'll be in the backseat relaxing. You have to give up control, even if it's scary. Quickest way to get the passenger to grab the steering wheel is to take your hands off.

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Well, first of all, I disagree that making decisions is not feminine. Women have needed to make decisions and take the lead many times during the story of mankind. Feminine doesn't equal doormat.

You say HE doesn't make any decisions or take control. Is it because you don't let him or because he doesn't want to? If he doesn't want to, there's nothing you can do about that.

Maybe he doesn't make decisions because he thinks you won't let him? You can just tell him you want him to be the one who decides and every time a decision has to be made try to stay quiet and ask him what he thinks.

For example ask him what you two should do together when going out instead of just deciding it on your own. You are the one who has to give up control before he can take it.

It takes time for things to change in a relationship. Stop bossing him around at once, learn the power of STFU, and let things change. Build him up and compliment him. Make him feel respected and trusted. It’s not going to change overnight because you’re used to bossing him around, and he’s used to being told what to do. Be patient and consistent.

Ask yourself why do you do it. Do you trust him to make a right decision? Do you have a genuine reason not to trust him? If you don't fully trust him to make the right decision, you defense mechanism will kick in to take charge.