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- Hide Preview | 30 Comments | submitted 6 months ago by Chemtrails2k16 [Post Locked]

[f30]My ex shaped me to his preferences, and now that I am dating someone new[m27] i'm struggling to find what it is that will make me 'wife material.' We've been together roughly over 2 months, and he seems very happy, but has yet to make things official. He has said he wants to take things slow because he is hoping his next relationship is his last, as is mine.

My anxiety comes from the fact he is so different from anyone I've ever dated. ('Chad') he seems to appreciate traditional roles, and when I've asked him if he's looking for a woman with a serious career he has said "No, happiness is all that matters." He owns his own business, and seems calm and well put together. With his only obvious faults being a picky eater and a bit untidy. Though not an issue for me as I like to cook and clean.

tl;dr All this to say, what is expected of me this early into the relationship? I dress well, pamper, support, appreciate, and try my very best to be happy and polite at all times.

[-] Kara__El 26 Points 6 months ago

Your first step, if it's still an option, needs to be holding out for commitment. If you sleep with him, he's far more likely to plate you, especially if he really is vetting for a wife.

Your next step should be to give peeks of your wife potential, without giving him husband privileges. Make him dinner, but not every night. Rub his shoulders after a long day. Put effort into your appearance. Be available, but not needy (don't cancel plans for him last minute).

You can't make him want to marry you, but you can market yourself in the best way possible.

[-] Chemtrails2k16 4 Points 6 months ago

Since we live about a half hour drive away I see him roughly two nights a week. I go to his place and stay the night. When I am there I typically do give him massages as I enjoy it, and he works his body hard each day at work. I have occasionally cleaned his place, but I'm trying to hold off. My biggest issue I see is I am very affectionate, and while he says he likes it, I worry I am giving too much of my heart before he has given his. He is however a big sweetheart and a gentleman.

[-] Kara__El 10 Points 6 months ago

I have occasionally cleaned his place, but I'm trying to hold off. My biggest issue I see is I am very affectionate, and w

Aside from having sex before you're certain of commitment, you seem to have the right idea and honestly, come a certain age, I understand why it's difficult to hold off on sex, especially if you don't have a near-zero n-count to back it up.

I think it's pretty standard for women to be the more affectionate partner, but I'd definitely withhold the l-word until you've met friends and family and have a title. If he says he likes it, you're probably okay and should just concentrate on maintaining that level of affection.

Honestly, don't overthink this. If it's working, it's working and analyzing it too much is the best way to mess things up.

[-] Chemtrails2k16 1 Point 6 months ago

Thank you for your advice.

[-] ManguZa 1 Point 6 months ago

When do you suggest to sleep with a man?

[-] Kara__El 7 Points 6 months ago

OP hasn't exactly stated where she stands with this guy, what taking it slow means, but RP recommends after commitment. That differs from person to person and relationship to relationship.

[-] Chemtrails2k16 3 Points 6 months ago

We have slept together as we both have high sex drives. It seems to have won me points that I have not only given him many firsts, but am always enthusiastic.

[-] ManguZa 2 Points 6 months ago

And how do you know that you have commitment?

If men wait to have sex before considering commitment and women wait commitment before considering sex it'll be hard to find a relationship.

Rather commitment maybe you can wait to respect & trust him.

[-] Kara__El 8 Points 6 months ago

You generally know you're committed when you're exclusive. Opinions vary on whether or not a title is necessary. I'm not sure why you'd respect or trust someone with whom you weren't exclusive.

[-] ManguZa 5 Points 6 months ago

Well, to me, commitment is much more than exclusivity (and titles).

It's mean being a provider, a protector, a listener, making life plan together...

So i think you could have sex when you trust him enough to be all that wth you.

[-] Kara__El 2 Points 6 months ago

I'm not attempting to debate individual definitions. That's why I said it's up in the air if there's a title or not. I'm quoting a main piece of advice of Red Pill Women. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men of commitment. The best choice, according to RPW, is to wait for commitment, which is generally linked to exclusivity. Define it however you like.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 6 months ago

I have had a man blatantly tell me that he doesn't like having the formal discussion and that it should be obvious when two people are together. I don't fully agree with this, but notice that its a common theme. I think it is fairly easy to tell if a man is sleeping with other women, in which case I wait them out. If I know a man is only seeing me, then its all down to character judgement and how I anticipate things growing.

[-] Lux_x_Aeterna 11 Points 6 months ago

In my opinion, it seems to be the little things that show you are wife material. Are you an excellent cook/baker and enjoy making him meals? Do you love holding his friends’ or family member’s babies? Or say “aww” at all the babies you see while walking on the street? Do you put his needs above the needs of your own? Are you put together and care what his family thinks of you? Do you bring food or gifts to his family’s gatherings? All these little things signal to him, without a doubt, that you are good wife material.

[-] Chemtrails2k16 3 Points 6 months ago

Some of those things I haven't had the chance yet to do, but those are all fantastic tips!

[-] merel-- 6 Points 6 months ago

The question is also; do you want to be wife material for this guy?

The beginning fase of dating is not only for advertising yourself it's even more about vetting your partner. Could you be married to a man who is such a picky eater? How would that effect you in the marriage? Those are the kind of questions you should ask yourself.

And this guy definitely has more than two flaws...

As for you, just be a kind and feminine energy in his life and let him know who you really are so you both can see if you two are compatible.

[-] Chemtrails2k16 3 Points 6 months ago

You're right, I do wonder if our taste in humor could be a problem long term...he's not dead pan, but he does laugh much less than I do. Picky eating is somewhat of a annoyance when it comes to cooking from recipe. But I've told him that should we be together in the future i'd accommodate to his tastes but wouldn't deprive myself of what I enjoy. I appreciate all the advice, truly.

[-] [deleted] 6 months ago
[-] Dawnguards 0 Points 6 months ago

tl;dr Wife material is about trust. If you cant be trusted then its all over.

Men like reason logic and trust.

Men hate hypocrisy, manipuliation, gaslighting.

If man is blue-pilled, you will be his wife material for as much as you want until you ditch him and divorce him.

If man if red pilled, your true nature will be shown involuntarily over time.

[-] LaneysWorld2 -4 Point 6 months ago

You should change the way you look at him and try to adapt instead of seeing faults in him. Try to cook everything he wants instead of saying 'he's a picky eater'. Be more mindful about cleaning up instead of saying 'he's untidy'.

If happiness is all he wants for you and has his own business to provide enough money then you've found yourself an excellent man! Instead of a career why not focus on being a better homemaker?

He made it clear he doesn't expect you to work and you'll be enjoying all the benefits of not having to deal with a stressful job and competitive collegues.

[-] teaandtalk 26 Points 6 months ago

You should change the way you look at him and try to adapt instead of seeing faults in him.

Oh my god please don't do that. At two months you are still vetting. Don't close your eyes to his faults! Sure, you can ignore the little ones, but this mindset is dangerous in the early stages of dating.

[-] Kara__El 8 Points 6 months ago

Agreed. I thought this advice would be more applicable for a year than two months. Notice faults exactly as they are and determine if you can live with them. Also, don't be too psyched about his goal of having a housewife or SAHM. You might come across as only being interested in what he can give you instead of him, as a person. He also may change his mind or oversimplifying his expectations. Just work on getting to know him better.

[-] teaandtalk 10 Points 6 months ago

Also, lots of men want their wives to be housewives but don't have the money or work ethic to back it up. It's come up in this sub more than once.

[-] LaneysWorld2 1 Point 6 months ago

But doesn't her man seem to be financially stable and able to support her?

[-] Kara__El 4 Points 6 months ago

Now. Economies change. Companies change. Career goals change. My husband was in oil when we met. Oil went under. You have to consider the idea that he's not going to always have this money, not settle in for life on Easy Street.

[-] LaneysWorld2 2 Points 6 months ago

I'm sorry, I don't know much about economies and might be giving bad advice here.

[-] Kara__El 4 Points 6 months ago

Long term commitment just requires an understanding that life isn't static. He won't have all his hair in ten years and he may start a new career in as little as five.

[-] Chemtrails2k16 1 Point 6 months ago

Lol, I understand what you are saying. By the looks of his hairline I accepted from the first date he will never have luscious hair, but I find him incredibly handsome, & sexy. As for his career I understand there is a physical risk to it, and life is never a guarantee. I don't mind working to cover costs, but I am not a career motivated woman.

[-] Kara__El 2 Points 6 months ago

You seem to be in a decent frame of mind. My husband has been losing his hair since 25. I met him when he was 30 and couldn't be happier with him. :)

[-] teaandtalk 1 Point 6 months ago

It may seem that way, but they have been dating such a short time and everyone shows their best selves at the start.

[-] LaneysWorld2 3 Points 6 months ago

I'm sorry, this might have come across the wrong way, I'm not saying she should close her eyes to his faults, I was trying to explain that from the perspective of a future housewife these are the kind of things she should look out for to make his life easier and do her part.

I also didn't give much thought to the fact that they only recently became a couple, it must be because my own relationship started differently, we were and are still courting and met through a dating group :)