So, this is a half rant and half advice post...

I have been dating a guy for about 3 months, we started really great! We met during his vacation so I saw him +/-3 times a week the first few weeks and that went to once a week. I did him a big favor (cleaned his air bnb) and he was extremely thankful for that. He did cancel on me a few times a bit last minute and I told him that it made me feel pretty insecure. We talked it out and he said he really enjoyed my company, spending time with me and could see himself getting into a relationship with me... He told me he's always been bad with time management but he truly cares about me.

So, skip a few weeks and we we're supposed to meet on a Saturday after he had coffee with a friend and he kept pushing back the time we were supposed to meet. I got very angry and abusive. I started huge amounts of drama and he didn't like that and he blocked me. We talked it out, again, but this time the message was completely different... Wasn't sure if he was in love with me or whether he wants a relationship with me. He said he still cares about me but he didn't like how I behaved and he was on the verge of dumping me. I generally sleep over and I wasn't allowed to that night. I did not throw any shit during this conversation, I was very calm and collected. A few days after this conversation I was thinking that maybe I should break up with him, because I do want a official, hopefully lifelong relationship. But I decided I would give it some time, especially because he did like me so much in the beginning.

I haven't been able to see him after that, I have been quite ill for a few weeks (so I also cancelled a couple of times) but we were supposed to go out this Saturday. I asked how late we would meet and he said he was first going to the beach. I send him a couple of messages during the day about logistics which he didn't respond to. I got pissed again but I didn't create as much drama as the first time. I told him I couldn't make it because I had to go to dinner with my parents. He told me to have fun and that is the last I've heard from him ...

I did send some emotional/needy texts sunday and monday ... I told him I thought he was amazing and I need him. I apologized for my last minute cancellation. Begging for another chance, the works... He hasn't gotten back to me, hopefully he will.

He tends to be a bit bad with judging how much energy he has for a day, which is a tiny bit annoying. But he is so amazing for the rest, we vibe really well, we have amazing conversations, he has character traits I really appreciate in a man. And I fucked it up because I can't shut the fuck up...

I honestly don't know if I can salvage this or if it is even worth it and I'm not degraded forever and there isn't any chance to get into a LTR...

Idk what to do ????