Hi, all,

My SO started a new job recently and I’m encountering the following issues:

1) He is working very long hours and bringing study materials home to try to master this new challenge.

He explains some aspects of his work/lets me know about some of his troubles at work, and I’m worried that my response, while empathetic, is not exactly the type of encouraging/reaffirming feedback he would like from me as a man, but maybe more ‘what I would like to hear’ as a woman.

I am looking for a refresher on the type of response/encouragement a man is looking for in response to sharing his struggles at work.

2) Dealing with his reduced availability like a grown-up.

Intellectually, I recognize that this is a time when he’s probably not going to be able to give me the kind of attention I’ve been spoiled with the past few months. That being said, I still had a jealous/whiny/emotional knee-jerk reaction this past week when he wanted to decompress and play video games with me around rather than do something actively together, wanted to stay home and have a relaxing weekend, etc.

Luckily I recognized this was a great time to STFU; and upon quiet reflection obviously I recognize this is reasonable. This is like a RPW 101 issue, and I was surprised that one weekend of even SLIGHTLY less attention is all it took to summon my hamster, who has long been dormant in this area.

I am looking for a refresher on keeping myself busy enough to not depend on his attention, but simultaneously making myself available to him.

I know I’ve come across plenty of excellent readings on these topics when I didn’t actively need them, but now I think I need a refresher.

If anyone has any insights or could direct me to relevant readings, it would be much appreciated!