I wouldn’t suggest firing out questions interview style (not that you would), but rather just trying to subtly gauge things via what he says and does, and what he doesn’t say and do.

I tried to ask about important things, but also show a genuine interest in the topic. So instead of just “what do you do for work?” you might say:

-What is your job? That’s really interesting. Did you always want to do that? Aaah so was XYZ your favourite subject at school? That’s amazing, I was never that great at maths/science/whatever myself. What do you like about your job? etc. just whatever flows naturally in a conversational way of course. I think you can tell a lot about a man from the added depth to the conversation, rather than just scraping the surface topics xo

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The biggest thing is shared life goals along with compatibility. Compatibility is more than something that can be expressed on paper. It's rather complex. You have to be able to exist with someone day to day and to be able to respect one another's personal boundaries and communicate effectively.

You can share the same life goals as a person and have all the same beliefs on paper but not be compatible.

I think this should be the focus when vetting someone. I think I could overlook some differences on paper if such a person had the same life goals and was compatible with me day to day. You also have to be realistic, no relationship is perfect.

The dating world has really shifted and almost everyone I know who is actively seeking a relationship has an online dating presence. I believe this topic is one of the major perks of this shift. Before I even MET my husband, I knew all of the following, because I was allowed to just ask.

• What religion are you? Contemporary or traditional?
• What are your politics?
• What do you do for a living? Is this what you want to keep doing?
• Are you divorced?
• Do you have kids? Do you want kids?
• Why are you single, never married, with no kids at 30 (rarity in the South)?
• Are you okay with MY divorce?
• Are you close to your family?
• Do you respect MY career choice (rarity as a librarian, apparently)?
• What are your broad financial views?
• Do you like pets?
• What's you're relationship with tobacco and alcohol?

It was SO MUCH easier to get to know him, his interests and personality and sense of humor, once I knew these things.

I think this is a fascinating question that I have been considering since last night. I think it warrants its own post. However, I think more important than the questions to ask the man are the questions to ask yourself about the man.