Remember this: you are more mentally heathy right now than you have ever been in your entire adult life.

Life is a roller coaster ... you just hit the down slope. And it'll keep feeling bad, too. But it gets better.

And just remember ... if women get the opportunity to leave their husband because of general unhappiness and "find themselves" you have that right too.

Life rarely "gets easier." It usually gets more complicated and harder as it goes on, but you can get stronger to cope with the difficulties. Good luck, your children will understand one day, I sincerely hope.

Hey man, the kids will propably cry and maybe even hate you, for the beginning. It was the same for me and my father, it didn't help that my mother was making a Drama every time he did something slightly wrong.

If you have a son , he will understand.

If you have a daughter your relationship to her might be forever damaged

Hey ya all. Thank you for the posts and giving me a chance to vent/reach out.

I got drunk last night, first time in over 18 years I have dropped a 26er...it felt good.

Today I woke up feeling the most relaxed I have felt in so long, I had forgotten the feeling.

I figure I should move this convo over to trp as a field report...

Anyways, I have had another enlightenment today from a friend. And know now that I am making the right choices.

I had my first shit test today....did not recognize it till later. Failed.

However I did recognize it for what it was, not as a "nice suggestion"

I just wanted to say thanks for letting me vent. I know I can do this. Just takes a lot to take those first few steps.

1. Dear God do not let her bully or sweet you into giving her another try.
2. No one needs to tell you it will be alright. Being alive and motivated is the only definition of alright. Do you think you'll die? Be okay with never having "love" again.
3. Do whatever you need to do to feel a sense of arrogance, pride, dominance, whatever you need. Think of every accomplishment, every accolade, no matter how small. Think of your wildest dreams coming true. Think of how good you'll feel as a billionaire that DOESN'T have to give her half of those billions.

When she gets home you look her in the eye and you tell her how she has made you feel and why you are leaving, dont be mean, dont say anything stupid, but say it as a man and with confidence. Remember, she hold no power over you. You are your own person. Good luck.

Firstly, if she made you feel this way, she failed up front as a wife and there's no excusing that. You can do what you want if it's to address that issue alone, but I wonder if you've actually considered that she makes you second guess yourself because sometimes she's right?

Just some stranger telling you that everything is going to be alright doesn't make it so, you have to believe it. Why will everything be alright? If you don't believe that now even though you've dealt with what we would otherwise assume to be the source of your problems, what are you telling yourself on the inside?

The real truth of existence in this world is that nobody can tell you what your problems are except you. Not her, not us, just you. You know on the inside if you've got problems, you might not know how to get out of them but you know they're there. If you're still terrified of her even after you've taken action to remove her from your life that is information you should consider long and hard no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

If you've been lurking here a long time the one core thing you should know is that women love to rationalise their behaviour, but what we often fail to remember is that men absolutely do this too. It isn't an exclusively female thing, it's a human thing. Maybe that dread on the inside is something telling you you're not being completely straight with yourself.

What have you done with your life, what are you going to do with the rest of it, and how satisfied are you with the answers to those questions? To the extent the answer is bad for you, you're not going to be at peace with yourself. It's going to be uncomfortable and hard, but you have to find the strength to put yourself in a situation where the answers to those questions leave you at peace. That's the only way out.

I wish nothing for you but the best, good luck.

"I did not stand up to her"...dude! What. The. Fuck. You shouldn't have to "stand up" to your wife. Marriage is about partnership and cooperation. Its not supposed to be a battle. You did the right thing. If I were you I would talk to a lawyer ASAP so she doesn't fuck you over on visitation rights.

What you are doing is an act of faith, which is the first step to changing and becoming better. What is more admirable than self improvement, getting out of an unhealthy situation, and making things better? It's a false notion that you can sacrifice your own health and well being to such an extent to make things better for those you care about, because they will only learn how to be miserable themselves while working under the facade that they too are doing it for someone else. You can't push someone else up to a better place, all you can do is get to a better place yourself and extend your hand out and they have to reach up to you and follow your example.

Your life is the nightmare I am trying to avoid.

As a fellow Canadian and person who was totally blue pill at the end of a 13 year marriage with a kid, do this;

1. Get support from male friends that sympathize with you and help you. Develop your buddy network. Life will look pretty shitty at times, develop your support network.

2. Lawyer up fast - this will determine how much you will pay for spousal support, child support and how much to pay to keep your share of interest in the house.

3. Lawyer up fast - set down visiting/parenting rights with the kids. This is important - you cannot let her dictate any terms to you.

4. Do not believe any shit she says regarding lawyers - Yes it will cost money, but your interests are far more protected with your own lawyer.

5. Separate your finances fast. Any insurance, bills you are paying, separate them from hers. Any money you give her, she needs to sign a receipt. Confirm with lawyer.

6. Take your kids aside and explain to them in age appropriate language why you can't live with mommy anymore.

7. Any bills with both your names - separate as to who's is whose. Same thing with credit cards - No joint anything! Check with Lawyer. No more debt with her. She can rack up a bill on credit card and you could get stuck with it.

8. Federal divorce act states that at a minimum, you'll pay spousal support for a 1/2 year for every year you were together. Unless she makes more than you.

9. Buddy support. You need it.

10. Stay away from females for a while. Become a man, do things for yourself, your own enjoyment. Find out who you are, what you like. You don't need another female in your head right now.

Grab your sack and man the fuck up. You need no other advise. You know what you need to do. Go do it.

Do not leave. Kick her out. You should write down as soon as possible as many shitty things she's done to you as you can remember and sue her for some form of abuse.

I predict she will cry, beg, promise things will change. And they might for a few weeks. But deep down you probably know it will eventually return to how things have been. In any case it's probably too late and your mind is made up. Just be strong and try not to fall for her promises to be better.

Most importantly, do not engage her in argument about your reasons or motivations. "I've made my decision and I don't feel a need to discuss it." If you let yourself get dragged into her analysis of how your choices are wrong there is no possible upside.

Freedom isn't free.

Here's a letter a son wrote his dad.

Check out the rest of the forum for quality support.

Congrats bro, welcome to the rest of your life