I've not submitted a post to AskTRP in a long time, but a recent situation stirred up some curiosity.
After attending a late night class I'm enrolled in, I visited a crafty cocktail bar last week and ended up having a conversation with a couple of girls (who probably had each had 1.5-2 drinks already).
They started asking me about my recommendations for where they should go next, and even tried to persuade me to come dancing with them. I live about 30 min north of where they were, and it was a work night...so not the greatest deal. Plus, I'd be fully entering into their frame rather than controlling it myself.
Could be fun! But also leaves a lot up to chance and could be a problem. It was flattering enough to see them try to coax me into it.
Anyway, I got the number from one of the two girls and told her that dancing wasn't going to work but I'd take her to an even better cocktail bar one day on the weekend soon. They both said goodbye and ran off. She saved herself into my phone with the last name "Hunnybuns."
To the question: I've never really been clear on what to do after getting the number — I don't like the notion that I have to wait around for a few days just to seem coy. So I usually just follow my gut and avoid saying anything needy.
I texted her a couple hours later and said something along the lines of "Nice meeting you 'hunnybuns' (making a callback to the conversation), we'll have to make a trip to (name of bar) soon"
Anyway, I never heard a reply out of her and I'm not really losing sleep over it lol. I know that not every number turns into a thing, I was mostly just pleased that I visited a bar by myself and ended up chatting up a couple of HB8's to the point where I got a number.
I suppose the "Right" thing to do would have been to follow them along to the next destination and try to close them? But it's not really my style.
Do I consider this one a "next" or do I bother again with reaching out after a week or so?
Store_Front_Door 5y ago
She's 2 drinks in, probably had 2 extra at the club when you messaged, no wonder she didn't respond. Should've waited until the next day to reach out, not because it's some "rule" but because the timing would've been better.
SpiritStatic 5y ago
You’re probably right. I wouldn’t have worried about responding either if I were out...I figured she would get to it the next morning if there was any interest. Anyhow.
TRPanon1389 5y ago
Next. If she didn’t respond to the first message, you’re just gonna seem desperate sending another and feel even worse when she doesn’t respond to that either.
SpiritStatic 5y ago
Spot on. This is my thought too, but I’m glad to know I’m in alignment with TRP’s perspective. Double-texting is 99.9% a mistake
OrzhovPalatine 5y ago
I don't like asking for the number precisely because it forces me to text them first. I usually just give them mine and bounce, if they contact me then they have high interest and its easier on my end. Given the situation I think you handled it fine but I wouldn't of brought up the future bar trip cause that does sound needy.
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However you should a stayed in the set and tried to close for sure.
Don't send another text, just go about your day and treat it as a pleasant surprise if she texts back
SpiritStatic 5y ago
I agree about the forcing you to text them first. It puts you at a disadvantage.
How do you go about giving them yours? Do you tell them to whip their phone out and you put it in?
If it weren’t so cheeky I wish I could just drop a business card..lol. Makes it easy to just handle it all in one maneuver and nonchalantly stride out of there.
I guess I should have stuck around for the close, but it really just didn’t feel right that night. I’m in pseudo monk mode right now and I’m not trying for a conquest per say...I exercised my TRP notion of acting in my own frame, and I felt like if I caved in and went with them it would be submitting to theirs. Or maybe I’m warped from all the principles now.
OrzhovPalatine 5y ago
Business card is best but failing that I just write in down(I always have a pen on me) on a napkin. It sets you apart cause to her you must have something going on if you didnt even ask for her number and more importantly it puts the ball in her court.
So now she has to decide whether or not to contact you and if she does it lets to know right away she has high interest. Some dont and thats fine but the girls who do make your life really easy cause you don't have to do as much work.
IMO if you'd of stayed in the set a bit longer you could of pulled. I dislike club game but if I do it I make sure I'm the last thing she sees before she heads home.
Hell if you were in monk mode then dont worry about it then.
SpiritStatic 5y ago
You don’t see the business card as a disadvantage? I’m not explicitly disagreeing - I just have heard it seems kind of cheesy. I have a few career ventures and one is a Realtor so I always have a card for that...but then they’d be able to dig me up on Facebook or Zillow and see how much (or how little) I sell and form opinions of me ahead of time.
I like the napkin idea because it is actually quite unique and gives you an easy way to get out of there.
Never really been one for club game..so yeah I guess I won’t worry about it. Thanks for your perspective here.
OrzhovPalatine 5y ago
Luckily I don't really have a site so they can't research, they can do the firm but we won't learn much from it unless they want to donate. I have mixed feelings on the research, most girls do it either way and sometimes it can be helpful.
But if you have as much info as you say then yeah I wouldnt do business card.
SimplyFishOil 5y ago
I mean there really isn't anything to say to your text. She probably gets a shit ton of boring ass texts like that from guys
alpha-zach 5y ago
She prob perceived your text as a booty call while she was already dancing with chad.
You didn’t give her anything to respond to. “Nice to meet you, hope to see you soon” is a polite goodbye. Hot girls get tons of messages. They don’t respond unless it requires a response.
You have to say something open ended if you want an answer. Since you messaged her so soon after meeting, it’s prob best that it was closed ended otherwise you are trying to start a conversation while she’s out having fun.
The rules aren’t rules. They are guidelines. Most of the time the guidelines, stop you from doing something stupid. This is exactly why you wait.
SpiritStatic 5y ago
Number 2 and Number 3 are particularly on point. I could really work on #2 especially.
I admit that I kind of bungled my way through this, but I have been checked out of the game for awhile. Mainly why I wanted the Red Pill post-Mortem on this one.
The change I’ve ran into lately is that I don’t really find myself caring about dates/lays/etc, but there is a small part of my brain that is still periodically longing for some female validation. I think that I really need to master and conclude that before I can truly be great.
alpha-zach 5y ago
It’s difficult to rid yourself of it. I’d argue most never do. Even the greats prob manage some kind of small desire for female validation, just like how every has their bad days.
Manage it by never letting it show. Don’t run game with established lays when you are feeling it, you’ll fuck things up. Don’t make decisions based on it.
SpiritStatic 5y ago
It does seem like it is innately part of who we are as men. There might be a fixed limit on how low you can get it without being totally asexual. But yes, we all have our bad days where we fire a text off to some girl we probably shouldn’t have (or some equivalent).
I’ve wanted to slowly evolve into the archetypal Don Juan who’s cooling stoicism manages to pique the interest of the right woman without him having to do anything himself.
But I feel like it’s an incorrect assumption that I would never have to initiate at all. Idk. I’m getting into more of the metaphysics of my frame at this point. I appreciate the perspective and advice.
alpha-zach 5y ago
That’s largely how I run my game. It’s pretty sweet, but takes time to develop.
SpiritStatic 5y ago
That's where I'd like to get to eventually. Newly 27, and learning a lot very quickly.
Do you have anything you'd recommend? I'm not scared off by things that take time to develop, just want to lay the right groundwork.
And thanks for being willing to converse and share some ideas. That's not always the case on the main TRP sub.
alpha-zach 5y ago
Get very, very comfortable being alone, doing your own thing, without looking around the room at all. You have to be physically attractive. Lift, dress well, clean. The vibe you to give off is as if you are the bar owner, sitting in his own bar, unimpressed by all the activity going on around him. Get in good with the bartenders(be a good tipper), they and anyone you know and run into are your social proof. If you stick with the same bar multiple nights a week, you’ll create relationships with the regulars. You still open people, they just come to you. They sit next to you, you strike up a conversation about something going on. Being attractive but giving no one your attention is very intimidating, so girls that want you to open them will find a way to bump into you or wait until there’s an open spot next to you and stand a little too close while they order a drink. You have to be very adept at picking up these subtle IOI’s.
bluefingerblue 5y ago
If you get the number late at night, either say “alright I’ll text you so you have my number,” and then text her your name right in front of her. I’ll often add the fire emoji. Don’t expect her to respond. But you can technically double text and propose drinks at a later date.
Or if you don’t do that, I’d wait until the next day to text her. Just keep it simple. “Hey hunnybuns it’s XX from last night.” Something that doesn’t even require a response. Texting something that requires a response feels needy to me. Plus not doing so is a good way to judge if she’s interested. If it doesn’t require a response, yet she still responds, that’s a good sign.
I’m still trying to decide which of those two options is the better play, but I’ve narrowed it down to those two.