I have low SMV right now at 24 and it will likely be that way for at least a few years due to the severity of my problems. My unattractive points are as follows:
- 5’10”, 152 pounds.
- Poor (make 70k a year in a coastal city).
- Been told I “ooze niceness”. Women constantly tell me they can see me getting scared easily. In other words, I radiate weakness.
- Drive a shitty used car from 2000.
- Live in an empty studio apartment by myself.
- 18k in student loan debt.
- Extremely needy (I seek approval from women everywhere I go).
- Am in the process of quitting porn and masturbation for good.
- No hobbies or interests.
- Don’t fit in with mainstream society and never have.
- The weakest frame you can imagine.
I am currently in monk mode right now and understand that it may be years until I reach a decent point. What should I prioritize working on?
RP0986 5y ago
Quit porn and replace the energy from that with everything else you want to achieve.
Tomorrow sign up to a gym. Then a martial art and commit for a month at least.
Most people I see can’t even quit porn. If you do the above you’ll have lost one bad vice and gained two deep self development hobbies.
And schedule everything or at least have some accountability.
Thunderfin 5y ago
Quitting porn made me lose desire for sex. 2.5 months into nofap and no sex drive whatsoever, kinda sad :(
BusterVadge 5y ago
NoFap is a fucking cult man.... Think for yourself. Yeah whacking it to porn all the time is stupid because it kills your drive to get out there to get real pussy.
But there's nothing wrong with whacking off without porn as long as it's not excessive.
pridebrah 5y ago
Nofap always breaks my dick too. If I'm in a dry spell I have to jerk it every 3 days or so to keep things working correctly.
WalterBlackPC 5y ago
Wow, someone else who actually tells the truth here! Good on you buddy!
KaiSmashSmashSawmash 5y ago
Maybe your gay
Thunderfin 5y ago
Har har good1
NextForever 5y ago
Typical flatline before the effects kick in; good luck man
Thunderfin 5y ago
For this long though?
NextForever 5y ago
Yes; it can take over a year to fully recover if your porn addiction was severe.
Luxury-Elite 5y ago
Nofap is unnecessary, there is nothing wrong with beating your dick, let out the steam if you feel the need just dont watch porn and dont jerk off all the time
isthisalreadyused 5y ago
This guy knows what's up. Nofap is a joke but porn isn't good for you either
NextForever 5y ago
I adamantly disagree.
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One should learn how to master orgasming without ejaculating, it really ain't that hard after a week of practice/kegel exercises. I'm 3 months in and feel a myriad of the supposed semen retention symptoms (thicker hair, amplified energy/confidence, less depressed, more muscular, etc.); but still get to bust nuts without spreading my seed. I also can cum 4-5x during great sex with 0 refractory period.. Pretty awesome if you ask me.
youareshandy 5y ago
Post links to literature please?
NextForever 5y ago
I’m on mobile and too lazy. Just google key words
billybetasnan 5y ago
this nigga is really complaining about being poor making 70k a year at 24 years of age LOL.
You are fucking living the dream man!
your perspective is very skewed.
Just stop being a needy cunt and quit porn and be happy on your own. you can't always rely on females to hold your hand when life gets tough.
hibloodstevia 5y ago
Men do not follow the advice of animals.
terpredpill 5y ago
My thoughts exactly. The only way your poor making 70k is living above your means. (Some how or you live in San Fransisco or some shit). I live in a east coast city, making 70k, with student loan debt and I live pretty much like a king and I'm 26. How are you so poor my dude?
KaiSmashSmashSawmash 5y ago
Do you live in Atlanta
SenorSwole 5y ago
Beta mindset. Always improve. Stay hungry.
rare_specimen_indeed 5y ago
Prioritize physical health. 5'10'' is a good height, you aren't short. Im older than you, make less than you, live by myself, my car is older than yours, and i get girls. I just rock it.
FilthMonger85 5y ago
Brazilian jui jitsu is full of awkward nerds like you who turn into confident beasts.
0io- 5y ago
Don't worry about any of the money things, car, apartment, that kind of stuff is all betabux territory. Just keep your car and apartment clean. Don't put money into them. Just limit time with porn, masturbation, etc. You don't have to completely eliminate it, make sure it's not taking more than 20 minutes a week.
Thisismybot8 5y ago
Focus on your finances first and foremost. The rest is just fun and games. I'm in the same age group if you have any specific questions.
FixYourselfFirst 5y ago
Prioritize:
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EDIT: added reasons
Startlivingfornow 5y ago
Lmaooo. Poor at 70k per year. Ultimate troll. Buy a book on personal finance before you make any changes to your life
StopGaming1234 5y ago
What's the rent like in your city? I can not imagine 70k being "poor". 70k would put you easily in the top 10% in my country (Germany).
elgodo7 5y ago
Loft weights eat healthy. Go frugal for a year and pay your debt should be easy if you earn 70k.
waking-life 5y ago
Wish I was 5'10"... but I'll take my height (5'6") and my attitude over your height and your attitude any day. Come on, dude! Go kill shit.
mrmaldoror 5y ago
Biggest trick I found, was to always be moving, don't waste a spare moment. Finished all your work?
- Clean the house
- Clean the car
- Fix up your garden, plant some plants
- Exercise
- Read a book
- Grab an instrument
Just always keep moving. I don't really believe in "downtime", it does happen but you should never allocate it time in your life.
AestheticBiscotti 5y ago
70k is not poor. unless you live in a weird country. in usa 70k is well above average. 10k is poor
thatbadrogue2 5y ago
10k is homeless lel
DatingTank 5y ago
Thanks for this comprehensive list of things to focus on in life. Let's take them one by one
Less than 6'2": Nothing to do about it, play with the cards you were dealt. Fix everything else, you'll be fine. don't wear platform shoes, it just emphasizes your askewed perceived shortcoming (no pun). Own it instead.
Poor: I don't think the word poor means what you think it means. Anyway, check your budget or make one, focus on your career, possibly start investing, unless the interests on the studentloan or other loans are high, then pay off first. But do start reading about investing and finance. And stop buying junk-food and other crap you don't need.
Ooze niceness: I don't need to tell you what book to start reading, do I?
Drive a shitty used car. Cool. You got transportation. If you're self-conscious about the car, just don't bring it on dates. If the car is expensive to keep running due to repairs and mileage, buy a new, small car.
Live in an empty studio apartment by myself. Awesome! Do you realize how many other guys still live at home or sleep on a friend's couch? But what do you mean by empty? No furniture?
Serious question: What are you doing with all your money? You must have some money-sink somewhere.
Student loan debt: That's a small loan, and if it got you an income of 70k age 24, it was apparently a good investment. Please refer to my question above if you didn't already.
Extremely needy: Read the sidebar. No hate. But obviously you haven't. Or just read/listen to The Rational Male, you can get it for free with an Audible trial. Pay particular attention to the part about spinning plates. When you're done with he book, read Mark Manson's models, just for a little bit of yin after all that yang.
In the process of quitting porn and masturbating: There is no such thing as a process here. You either quit, or you don't. But then again, I suggest a middle road. Masturbate one time a week, or two tops, and only to pictures of solo women. No videos, no pictures of women having sex, not even with other women. Just pictures of WOMEN. Imagine what you would like to do with her. Even better, only masturbate to fantasies about women you've seen in real life. Or OPTIMAL: Only masturbate while focusing on pleasuring yourself, no fantasies.
No hobbies or interests: What hobbies have you previously dreamt of taking up?
Don't fit in with mainstream society: Cool. Neither does anyone else worth hanging out with. Wanna be a lemming? Wanna be a simp? No, ok, cool.
Serious question: Any autism or the like?
The weakest frame you can imagine: Meh. Don't worry about frames. Mental masturbation at this point.
I think you should prioritize working on... answering the questions I asked, and commenting on what I wrote, then I would be happy to come with my best suggestions.
One suggestion now: Acknowledge you are suffering from a bad case of victim mentality. I doesn't go away easily, but accepting it is the first step.
​
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PrizeArticle 5y ago
Thanks for the detailed response.
​
Car: The one I own has never given me any major problems (other than basic maintenance) and isn't costly to maintain.
​
Apartment: By "empty", I have a queen size bed, small dresser, small bookcase, some whiteboards I use for making lists / studying, and a dry-erase calendar. All appliances came with the apartment rent. However, there is a big, empty space.
​
A good chunk of my money is going towards rent because I live in a complex that is very new and near a major shopping center. Will be moving out to some place cheaper soon.
​
Hobbies and interests: I would like to get back into golfing like I was when I was younger.
​
There is actually a very high chance that I have high-functioning Asperger's (all of my behavior makes sense).
boy_named_su 5y ago
Didn't you post this a month ago?
renboque 5y ago
70k a year isnt bad. All relative to the area in which you live, but 70k at 24 is fine.
152lb is light but focus on your BF % and body comp, not weight. I used to be 5'9" and 170, but around 30% bf. I'm 149lb not but close to 11% bf and chicks are loving it.
InsidiousCurve 5y ago
5"10 and 152 is average BMI.
[deleted] 5y ago
For people who don't lift
isthisalreadyused 5y ago
Discard BMI and never use it again
[deleted] 5y ago
That's anorexic. You can't say chicks love it when they would obviously prefer a bigger and leaner version of you. I'm so sick of cunt soffering advice on things they have no idea about
renboque 5y ago
No shit they'd prefer a bigger, leaner guy. Doesnt mean some girls dont also love a leaner frame.
Willing to bet that the majority of women like a leaner, smaller build than a guy 180+ and 20% bf.
Either way, it doesnt matter. Not like I've chosen this as my end goal physique. It's just a temporary stopgap as I build my goal physique. The goal for me is 160-170lb and 10% bf. Just so happened I started my journey 8 months ago at 30% bodyfat.
Rome wasnt built in a day. I merely brought it up to shed light on the fact that this guys current SMV could be a ton worse, not that he had to cut down more or anything my g.
jamesbmo 5y ago
Read the Sidebar, for real, read the sidebar, go lift, eat clean, stop with porn/masturbating, instead of watching stupid TV shows, read a paper novel (good ones). Those habits go a long way, of course you could implement different ones or other ones. But IMO these actions will have a very significant impact in your life.
MeatMetal 5y ago
Damn son what job you got that gets you 70k at 24 Y/O
Thisismybot8 5y ago
Not OP, I make over 100k in a similar age (won't specify age for privacy reasons). I'm a pharmacist.
BrodinsOats 5y ago
I made more than that at that age as a software engineer.
cat_magnet 5y ago
I earned around $125k at that age in sales.
[deleted] 5y ago
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Guaccamolepepe 5y ago
What’s the deal with not watching porn..?
youareshandy 5y ago
How much in savings? What was your educational/skills background? What's your current job?
PrizeArticle 5y ago
Only about 7k in savings, two Bachelor’s degrees with highest honors (one in STEM) and I work as a programmer.
Thunderfin 5y ago
5'10... be lucky your'e that tall. Coming from someone who's 5'11. We could be sub 5'7 and that'd really suck
InsidiousCurve 5y ago
I honestly think you're cutting yourself short, the "unattractive points" you make are not terrible. I think the mentality you have needs to change though; make yourself a priority. Maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional household like most "beta" males where you're used to giving in to "keep the peace" or make everyone happy. And you've unconsciously applied this to your adult life. For right now, quit seeking approval from the women you talk to and just go cold. Start working out/joining a gym to spend some free time there. Maybe try to branch out and find some strong masculine friends...etc. You're going to have to remake the image of yourself that women have of you because right now, you don't turn them on at all etc.
DigitalDragonSlayer 5y ago
It could be so much worse
399oly 5y ago
Lets address these:
#1 5'10" a skinny dude, honestly don't see a problem, good friend of mine is a bean pole and somehow pulls well
#2 I know white collar workers with big titles such as COO CFO etc have an entire net worth of < 200k
#3 being a really nice person is a lot different then being someones bitch and trying to please everyone.
#4 honestly girls don't give a shit what you drive, Most young guys that are up to their nuts in a car loan for something German realize this real fast. personally it makes no sense to spend any more money then you have to for a car because its just a money pit
#5 so you have your own place and you live the minimalist lifestyle. what more do you need then a couch, bed and a TV?
#6 hell most people owe \~ 10K on a credit card plus at least probably another 15K on a car. In 3 years you could easily knock out your student loan without any drastic measures
#7 learn to do your own thing
#8 almost everything is ok in moderation, but up for debate
#9 hop onto facebook and check out the clubs, events and meet ups---> biggest key is to actually talk to people you run into
#10 ??? theres probably a group of people that feel the same way as you maybe?
#11 I've started to analyze myself and point out to myself all the times I have agreed with someone in hopes to get them to like me and made it a point to just say what I think. It is way to difficult to make everyone like you.
​
Honestly reading this it sounds like the biggest change you need is an attitude change.
gregoire_ 5y ago
Work on your composure. “Oozing niceness” is working against you, so start working on that too. Neediness has got to go.
TheGoblinTurkey 5y ago
Stop caring about driving a shitty car, girls are not going to jump on your dick if you buy a new one.
Gym should be your Focus. Gym is your girlfriend. Gym is your hobby. Gym is your friend.
If you're new to the gym, focus on bulking up and getting strong, do this for at least a year.
whattodotrp 5y ago
comments helped a lot! thank you for making this post
AdmiralFiz 5y ago
Lift heavy and eat right. This is by far the most visible SMV trait you can have. There are tons of good videos on youtube for gaining mass. Get started here: https://www.youtube.com/user/bodybuildingcomvideo For laughs: https://www.youtube.com/user/BroScienceLife
You're making plenty of money don't sweat it
This book is $10, changed my life, this will help you keep frame and stop being perceived as weak: https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+rational+male&qid=1553001471&s=gateway&sr=8-1 This one helps too: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_2?crid=QTBJLGLWXONS&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy&qid=1553002136&s=gateway&sprefix=no+more+mr+n%2Caps%2C148&sr=8-2
Get a hobby. I write/record music. First and foremost, this is for me, I love doing it and it's my passion. Some positive side effects: This has led me to connect with the DIY music community in my area which has allowed me to make many friends of both genders. It also gives me something to talk about with new people that I meet which is awesome for making conversation.
Things on your list you didn't mention but are important:
Social proof - You made no mention of friend groups or your social life in general. It's extremely helpful to have a group of MALE friends to go out with and to chill with. If a girl I like doesn't seem to have any friends, I view that as a red flag and it works both ways.
Fashion - Fashion is something that can be changed drastically overnight. I'm subscribed to r malefashionadvice & r streetwear and both have helped me develop my own style. I try and make it a point to be the most aesthetic person in the room. Along with fashion is cologne. I have one bottle for everyday use and another, stronger/darker bottle for when I hit the bars. People remember scents and if you smell nice everytime they see you they'll associate that scent with you.
PrizeArticle 5y ago
Social proof: I don’t have any friends.
Fashion: I have been told I dress very well (from people of all walks of life - from elderly to gangsters) and smell good multiple times over the years.
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