Hey guys, got a question. In a LTR with this girl I met at work for 6 months now, and things are going fantastic. We both work in a corporate office setting where everyone knows we’re dating.
She fucks whenever I want, is sweet, innocent and bubbly, cooks and cleans for me, doesn’t party and is in bed by 10 pm at the latest every single weekend, rarely shit tests me (I’m talking once maybe a month and it’s small stuff at that), just dropped tons of money on me for my birthday (even though she doesn’t make a lot), tells me every day how much she loves me, calls me every morning and night to wish me a good morning and good night. I found a note she wrote to herself in her apartment one day when we first started dating saying that I’m the best sex she’s ever had. Basically, she adores me and things are going fantastic. Turns out, great shit happens when you hold a strong frame from the beginning, aren’t afraid to leave (and really act like it) and call her out on mistakes!
There’s one thing though that I would like to get some advice on. This girl loves to smoke weed. By herself, with me, with others. Really whenever she’s not at work she’s up for it. Sometimes if we don’t have plans to hang out after work, she’ll have guy friends over from work to smoke with her since she lives literally right across the street from the office. I don’t think this is a big deal - the one she does this with most has a live in girlfriend and, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m better looking than him. Same with this other guy who’s she’s recently been smoking with. Like I said, it doesn’t seem like a big deal to me but knowing that I come from a BP past, I’d like to get some of your thoughts. Is this a major red flag that I need to be concerned about in a sea of green flags? Or am I being insecure if I show her that I may be worried about this and tell her I’m not a fan of it.
friendandadvisor 5y ago
Another male taking drugs with her at her place.
You're in like Flynn!
embracingtheredpill 5y ago
She sounds like a real value girl. I wish you the best and I hope you realise you're better than this.
FiveStarTendieDinner 5y ago
I give you about two weeks before you make a thread about how to salvage this situation. You are digging a deeper hole for yourself every day. Now it's time to jump in it.
Terdmuffin 5y ago
Was she doing this before you got into the ltr? Aka while you were vetting her?
lotrlotr14 5y ago
Yes. And it’s not like she tries to keep this a secret from me, she tells me whenever this takes place.
Terdmuffin 5y ago
It's fine you don't like it, no one likes their chick hanging with other dudes. The problem is by getting into an ltr with her in spite of her doing this, you're basically saying you're okay with it. During the vetting process you can mention you don't like to date girls that hang out one on one with guys. Maybe she'll stop or maybe she won't and then you go from there.
Imo it's a red flag for a chick to chill with other dudes alone and do drugs. But you've got to decide if in the broader context of your relationship of you find this okay. This is the kind of thing thsg of you don't nip it in the bud, when you eventually bring it up it can make for an unpleasant convo.
Project_Zero_Betas 5y ago
I think she just likes smoking for free. I wouldn't worry about it, you're just being a bit insecure.
Just1515 5y ago
Its for u to evaluate if u are ok with it and covertly or even overtly(best both) let her knkw u arent if this is so, early and repeatedly. U may have failed to nip it in the bud or address the whys and hows at all, now u are in a relationship. Perhaps when u were non exclusive u genuinely didnt care because u were not exclusive and she can do what she wants to others, but as u did set boundaries here u have a problem.
Clearly u are not ok with it.
First u should have addressed and found out why she does it, and a little more about the guys but indirectly. Let her tell u. Dont ask and mate guard or show jealousy. Then over time u could have been able to determine if they were just orbiters who dried her pussy she uses for attention, or if there was anything to it. Maybe they have history, maybe not. That would have been clear.
Then if u were not ok with it u could have teased her a bit about it. LEADED her by telling stories about friends or even u in the past where u broke up or just cut things off with a girl over something like that very early(but key here would have been to do it early into the relationshio/ fwb), and lastly just withdrawn attention and applied low level dread when she did it or brought it up.
If she valued u more she would have quit it all on her own and never brought it up.
But it may be too late. U are in a hole now and it will be sufficient more difficult to bring this up and let it be known its a boundary without going overt and mate guarding.
U still have tools tho. Ur willingness to walk away. The second u lose it good luck friend. U can now lose points and frame a bit by trying to set this boundary with her( and it bothers u so u have no choice here) but u must now be willing to wall away and communicate this convertly through dread and action now if needs be.
Mr_Badass 5y ago
I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, the guy has a lived in girlfriend who is probably around when they smoke.
dijkstraschicken 5y ago
So...she’s adores you, works, does housework, spends money on you - you don’t mind her smoking weed, you’re not intimidated by her friends - and yet you are seeking advice from this sub that will inevitably tell you to leave or make her stop smoking weed.
If you try to stop her having friends around, or stop her smoking weed, that relationship will go from adoring to unhappy pretty fast. How would she feel if she knew you were asking for advice on this sub about her? Mortified, I bet. Jfc a man with good frame wouldn’t be so desperate for validation from random redpillers online.
lotrlotr14 5y ago
You’re right. I think I’m just being a little bitch about the whole thing. Needed to hear this.
mallardcove 5y ago
Don't. Shit. Where. You. Eat.
Also, smoking weed is extremely low value, worthless behavior.
warburgio 5y ago
Care to elaborate? I understand the non-stop smoking thing but as a once-in-a-while situation?
ElCidCampeon93 5y ago
You're being insecure. You're too caught up in your feelings that you're forgetting that she's not yours, it's just your turn. Stop giving so much of an unnecessary fuck, because you're just gonna insure that she really will do something purely out of spite. Enjoy being with her whenever you're with her, enjoy the sex, and expect the possibility of it ever ending but don't count on it.
peerschenk 5y ago
OP clearly has a fantastic life with his ltr. You're so lucky!