Hi,

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I'm currently in a dark place in my life and would be very thankful for some advice. I'm 21 and in a country where college is free.

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I studied at a pretty shitty college for 2 semesters and decided its not what I want/the degree is not worth it and applied for CS at a better college in the same town. I didn't get accepted into the program because I thought the entry exam would be easy (dumb mistake). However I was able to get a job as a software developer instead.

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I started the new job around September, this was when I met this girl which turned slowly turned into a onenitis.

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I was not satisfied with my living situation because my roommates were always interrupting my sleep, and with the combination of sleep deprivation + huge stress at work I developed a depressive episode around december, which im still not out of as of now.

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I could not concentrate/get shit done anymore and was fired from my job. I went to a psychiatrist and am now on medication (effexor) and therapy, which helped abit, but I still suffer from all possible depression symptoms which makes it really hard to function. The last months I was not able to be consistent with gym/work/social life because I just couldn't get out of bed and didn't function like a normal human beeing.

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I moved back in with my parents in the meanwhile to avoid the toxic living situation.

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Now onto the girl part, I had sex with the girl for the first time back in September. Looking back I ignored so many red flags its crazy.. good thing I didn't LTR her.

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Here are a few:

Had sex on the first date, without condom (Yes I am dumb)

She is still in contact with her exes

I know both of her exes (not best friends whatsoever, but yes)

She travels to places alone

Even told me she hooked up with a girl once on a solo trip of hers

She even filmed her ex and told me how dumb he was/how they only argued and how she didn't really feel anything for him, then meets up with him again when hes in the country lol.

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My intention in the beginning was to treat her like a plate only, however I got more and more attached and didn't spin other plates, when the depression started I got more and more sucked into her frame. She started treating me like shit and disrespecting me, and I didn't put her into her place in the beginning. Developed oneitis.

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Then we kind of told each other we only want to fuck each other, and see each other exclusively. One day I looked at her phone and she was snapping with Chad in front of my eyes, I even asked her who that guy was and she told me a friend. The next day I looked at the snap map of the girl and guess where she was.. at Chads place.

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I nexted/ghosted her without explaining myself which was the best thing I could do I guess, I was getting too attached and couldn't hold frame because of my depression.

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Now I'm really fucked up and in a depressive state, which I can't seem to get out of. I suffer from severe sleep/memory/concentration problems which really fuck me up.

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I am forcing myself into the gym again, it's fucking hard but it makes me feel abit better. The combination of gym/therapy/meds seems to help, but there is no end in sight..

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Before the meds I tried everything from meditation to yoga, nothing seemed to help.

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Work wise I still have a webite which im earning money from, which kind of saves my ass at the moment.

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I could really use some advice on how I can get out of this rut again.

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