This is my first post on asktrp and it's going to be a long one.

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A little bit about me is that I'm a 25 year old guy who has never done anything with a woman besides hug (no kissing, no relationship, etc). I never let that stop me and just decided to focus on me (from high school till recently). Worked out in my basement (no weight training) just my own body weight training like push ups, sit ups, pull ups. I was always driven to my goal of being a doctor because of the status, the money, helping people, and doing something with my life. My thought process back then was that if I just work on myself and get money/status then one day I'll find my 'unicorn'. I was wrong to be in this mindset - that I'd be given things because I worked hard instead of working hard to take what I want.

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Eventually my idea of finding a unicorn wavered and I started to think to myself that when I have money I'll go pay for a high end escort and have fun whenever I want. I didn't work on my game so paying for sex seemed like a decent idea. I had an idea of what I thought I wanted and was working towards it until I did my board exam for school. Basically to be a doctor you need to do a couple of board exams and the first one is the toughest. I sacrificed a lot for this exam (stopped working out, stopped eating right, studied for crazy hours). I was never a smart dude but I passed (pretty low score). Having worked hard for so long to just barely pass really hurt my psyche because I thought if I couldn't become a doctor I wouldn't be successful (I know in general people can be successful other ways but for me this was a big goal for me). I still can be a doctor and of course don't give up and move onto the next year which are clinicals (working in the hospital to gain experience).

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I continued to scrape by and completed a couple of clinicals. That is until 8 weeks ago. I had a very hard time leaving the house and my room. I basically convinced myself that I should just stay inside because I can't do anything with my life right. I stopped brushing my teeth and showering everyday, never work out, I just lay in bed and sleep. If I'm too bored to sleep I go on twitch and watch people play video games for no reason when I myself don't even play games anymore. The only time I leave the house is to go out and buy fast food (my diet was never perfect but now I only eat fast food). I was in a miserable place and for some reason I felt comfortable. In those 8 weeks I tried really hard to write down what I want and actually know what I want but I feel scared and I have no idea why. I tried to start small and I've brushed my teeth again and showered daily. I have looked up a local gym that's 10 mins away and tell myself I'm going today but I have no clue what routine to do when I get there. I tell myself just jog and you'll figure it out but just go (I have not went yet). Working out was a big part of my life and I didn't eat unless I worked out but now I'm just full of excuses. The last thing is that I tell myself every week I'm going to the hospital on Monday but every Sunday for the past 8 weeks I tell myself I haven't studied and I'll make a fool of myself. Like, what do I say to the doctor? I've even thought up lies to tell people if I go but that isn't me because I was never a liar but I feel like I am one now.

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So those who are reading might ask "Why ask tpr?" It's because I never found a place of who I really wanted to be until I came to tpr. Like there is so much info for me on how to improve myself and my life but I'm just too comfortable in my own misery and too scared to do anything about it and I have no idea why because I know what I want. I guess what I'm asking is how do I stop being a pussy? I'm sorry for the long-winded, life story of a post but I've been in a really dark place and don't know where else to look to. Thank you for those who took the time to read.