As a fresh student of TRP, I really need some advice on my situation.
A lot has happened in the past 2 months, so a little background first:
This long-distance girlfriend of 3 years of mine was doing everything you'd imagine a girl doing from TRP knowledge - ignoring me, flirting with other guys and going out with them while lying to me and hiding all of this from me. That's because I was the most pathetic BP-ed beta that ever existed. I had a severe case of oneitis with her. When I discovered that she had been lying to me all this time, I lost my shit. Needless to say, I lost my frame like crazy when I threatened her and made her cry to make her realize her mistake and apologize to me. None of that shit worked (obviously) and she broke up with me pretty much then and there by blocking me.
I was absolutely devastated by this. That is when I discovered TRP and started to gain control of my thoughts.
Last week, I did some probably stupid shit. It was valentine's week and I sent her a box full of expensive gifts and chocolates, returned clothes she had gifted me and wrote a 30 page long letter (kid you not) explaining how she lied to me and broke my trust, how I was always loving and caring and an ideal boyfriend and she repaid me by being a lying bitch. I kept the wording to convey this message subtly while showing high-value. I didn't ask her to come back to me.
The aim of all this was to make her feel bad and regret her actions. This was the closure I wanted, but never got. I could have worked on rebuilding myself after this long-due breakup, but I was bothered a lot by the thought that she would happily hop on a new dick, hamstering her thoughts into believing that I was the bad guy and she did nothing wrong.
Situation today:
Since she received the shipment, she has been calling me. I haven't answered her calls yet. She told a mutual friend that she likes this "new me", that she was expecting all of this earlier from me and that she wants to talk to me.
I want to know how she feels and what she wants to talk to me about. The funny thing is that even though she is calling me, she hasn't unblocked me from any place and didn't even leave me any message to request me to talk to her or telling me what she wants to talk to me about.
So, should I just keep ignoring her - not giving her the satisfaction of my messages or calls? After wiping the floor with my non-existent frame over these years in my relationship with her, this seems to be the only way to display my strong frame.
Or should I talk to her and show her my strong frame and DGAF attitude? She became a lying bitch because of my beta-ness over the past year, but isn't necessarily a bad girl. I can try to give this a final chance by trying to manipulate her and win her back.
EDIT: There have been enough red flags and occasions of dishonesty and betrayal from her side that I have made peace with breaking up with her. However, I can't say that I am completely over her. She was the girl of my dreams, so I would forgive her if she whole-heartedly accepts everything she has done, apologizes for it and promises not to repeat it in future. But only when she does this, anything short of that wouldn't melt me.
EDIT 2: I'm getting a lot of downvoting and bashing in this thread. I really appreciate the honest helpful advice I got. As I said above, I'm new to TRP and I realize that being a core BPer all my life, I still need to work a lot on the plugging out process. Thanks all you guys for helping a bro out who is still figuring out this new place. Peace.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
I must have missed it; was the 'strong frame' the expensive chocolates, and the 'DGAF' the 30 page letter, or the other way around?
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Haha! Nice. Made me laugh.
creating_my_life 6y ago
I stopped reading here.
FromTheCaveIntoLight 6y ago
you cant manipulate desire. plus, she already proved to you that she is not LTR material. Leave the trash at the curb and move on.
CptNemo56 6y ago
no
Martysteiner 6y ago
I'll just say what everybody says. "there's no going back".
Move on.
br0kk85 6y ago
Nope go on with the ghosting. Beating a dead horse or digging up graves ain't healthy. If you pass her on the street, be nice and civil but end it swiftly.
[deleted] 6y ago
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The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
I hear you man. It was a stupid thing to do. No more.
SimplyKaz 6y ago
S I D E B A R
More specifically rule number 1. We will allow no bullshit
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
I'm sorry, which rule did I break? Rule 1 from sidebar says - "only personal advice or theory clarifications". My post falls in the first category.
SuperCrazy07 6y ago
Didn't read any further (but plan to for kicks). NO.
DirtyBastard13 6y ago
Taking back an ex is like shoving poop back up your butt. It's messy and accomplishes nothing good.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
I haven't heard this one, but, I like it!
SimplyKaz 6y ago
Nope nope nope just nope
Eulerbrah 6y ago
No
[deleted] 6y ago
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The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Hard, painful words. Just what I needed to hear from someone.
Withdrawal symptoms of oneitis, I guess.
I sorely want to get over thoughts of this girl. It is my #1 priority in life right now. This shit is negatively impacting my life in a big way. I can't let that happen to myself. But truth be told - it's difficult as fuck!
Already blocked her, deleted all her pictures and going out tonight with someone. I want to do all the right things to get over this as quickly as possible. Thanks for the solid advice, man. I just needed someone who would call my BS when I retrace my old familiar steps as a blue-pilled guy. Embracing and truly accepting TRP is definitely not an easy task, but I will get there.
DiggerClam 6y ago
You don't get over someone by making your number 1 priority to get over someone, wtf?! Do ANYTHING ELSE other than think about this dead slut.
Go to gym, do your meal prep, do overtime at work go fuck bitches. ANYTHING other than thinking about a corpse.
MusicSports 6y ago
No. Expect to send chocolates and a 30 page letter of apology to a woman you're not banging every time you breath in a way that bothers her. Plus she won't stop fucking other guys.
Blackhawk2479 6y ago
The fuck you sending your cheating ex expensive gifts, chocolates and 30-page(!) love letters for?
Of course she likes the “new you” because you’re coming off as an even more beta provider that she can friendzone and leech attention and gifts from whilst fucking other dudes.
Jesus.
[deleted] 6y ago
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cappadocianhawk 6y ago
This right here should be required reading for any of the " what to do after break up " posts.
[deleted] 6y ago
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juliusstreicher 6y ago
fnordsnord keeps deleting his gems of wisdom; what was it???
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Advice taken :)
cyanidez 6y ago
Damn, the part about not even thinking about dating... that's even helpful to me as well right now. Thanks for sharing bro.
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Thanks a ton for this! I really needed this.
You are so right there!
The breakup happened over a phone call though and she blocked me later. You're right - I need to go zero contact with her. I have already deleted all her pictures. It's just that the sense of loss is too great. She was a sweet talker and always put up a very convincing show of being a nice girl, that's why it's still difficult for me to accept that she was capable of doing this. I shouldn't have put her up on that high pedestal in the first place.
I have saved your comment and will be reading it everyday so that I don't become weak again. I had noted the exact same things that you mentioned and that was my plan, but I guess I became weak in my moments of loneliness. Thanks again, brother!
cappadocianhawk 6y ago
The "good girl" is just an act. Ask any of the experienced members here, almost all "good girls" are just as whorish as the wanton slut. It's just that they don't show it unless you're the right kind of guy.
AWALT.
BusterVadge 6y ago
Hit the gym HARD. So hard that the pain in your muscles is greater than that in your heart. Keep it up and you'll find yourself transformed.
cdogg75 6y ago
if you want to go through hell like that again, date a stripper. She will treat you the same, except at least you should expect that behavior.
Borsao66 6y ago
Never wipe with the same toilet paper twice.
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Words of wisdom. So, I guess if I'm not going to keep her in my life in future, it makes no sense to talk to her.
creating_my_life 6y ago
She may have been in your life, but you were never in hers.
SuperCrazy07 6y ago
This is gold.
[deleted] 6y ago
You can't keep her in your life because she's not an object, you collect and keep Pokémon cards, not people, sooner you accept the women in your life are like turns on a bicycle the better you'll feel about them leaving.
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Damn! That's a sweet analogy. I thought I owned that bicycle. Being ok with other guys riding her now is the difficult bit.
[deleted] 6y ago
But there are bigger and better bicycles out there for you to go and enjoy!
RAiderNat88 6y ago
Any local RP'ers near him? Bro needs immediate help. Damn this shit is so sad it's borderline pathetic, he's blue pill af and it makes me cringe.
[deleted] 6y ago
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The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Man that's rough.
opaparaopa 6y ago
I don't like to swear and make people feel bad, but you are a retard who is ignoring every rule here.
Do what ever you want, since you don't really care about rules.
quicklogaccount 6y ago
Bro, I'm TOTALLY going to screw you if the way you believe you'll make me regret screwing you over is sending a box of expensive shit.
Betas ALWAYS reinforce bad behavior. Their girl fucks them over but they NEED them, so instead of losing their shit they act ALL lovey dovey so their chicks realize how much they're good to them and how much they love them. What their chicks learn is "WOA, men like to be beaten, the worse I treat him, the better he treats me. I might even love him but if I'm nice to him he won't be nearly as dedicate as he is now."
Well, you grew some spine and STILL encouraged her bad behavior, of course she'd like you better. She'll still screw the "new" guy over and over for more boxes of expensive gifts though.
Again, so, here's how you'll do it.
For starters, it's good that you realize "she became a lying bitch because of my beta-ness over the past year, but isn't necessarily a bad girl". But you have the wrong mindset here.
You can not blame yourself, in ANY fashion, for her bad behavior or the harm she's done to you. Although natural, that's her behavior, and the natural female behavior. You need to understand this, and become a dude that won't be shattered by women acting as women.
So, for starters, you're going to do the cliche: GO FUCK TEN OTHER WOMEN. You're NOT taking her back under ANY circumstances, not even is she shows at your door with a keyed chastity belt, a tracker stitched to her skin and an apology letter (it won't happen though), before you fuck some chicks. You need perspective and you need to break the association you have with her and sexual validation and intimacy. So, if you REALLY want her back, I suggest you to get tinder and start fucking bitches asap because time passes. I bet you won't want her back after it, but who knows...
To make her regret her actions, you'll do this. You'll pick up one of her calls, and say this, or say it personally if you happen to meet:
"I had to vent some shit and point out that I don't feel you treated me properly, but then again, I also realized I was a dick in the break up process and that was unnecessary, even if it was fair. I owe you some apologies, I did love nearly all of the time we spent together, so, thanks for that and apologize my poor behavior in the end."
Keys are "I loved the time we shared", it's something chicks are VERY sensitive to that line, and NOT TAKING HER BACK AFTER IT. She WILL regret losing you.
Well, once you learn what women are and how they behave, you'll see just how pathetic this line and this word, "manipulate", sounds. You sound like you want to manipulate water into flowing uphill. To keep with comparison, that means you'll FOREVER spend energy pumping it, and it'll STILL go down someday. You should to learn how to cope with the fact rivers flow downhill and maybe you can change their course, maybe not. You can make her change her behavior IF the behavior you intend her to have is still aligned with her nature.
But here's a sort of warning. Every guy that ever entered here thinking of getting his girlfriend back by bettering himself and learning better how to handle women realized his girlfriend wasn't worth of the effort it took. Remarkably few women are, and the ones that are certainly seek more for themselves than a clueless dude.
Stick in your head, FUCK TEN OTHER WOMEN, or she'll melt you with an "I'm sorry, BUUUUUUUUUT I'll need concessions to stay with you", just by smiling and making you smell the perspective of sex.
YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO COMMIT TO A CHICK BEFORE THAT. It's a natural rule, after a break up you can only enter a new relationship after having sex with as many different women as the base of the numeric system your culture uses.
The_Handsome_Penguin 6y ago
Some absolute nuggets of gold there in that advice. Helped me get a different perspective on my situation. Also, thanks for the specific tip on how to handle that last phone call.
I've installed tinder and yes, the current plan of action is to work on myself and fuck bitches. Thanks man!
quicklogaccount 6y ago
If after fucking some new chicks you still bother about your ex, let me know. You might end up being the first exception. lol
PreOrgasmGroanLness 6y ago
Holy shit man
I think you'll enjoy RP
BusterVadge 6y ago
Why are you writing this? I have a feeling that if she comes groveling back to you, you're going to take her back no matter what anyone else says.
The fact you wrote a 30 page letter shows your value... Of a man with absolutely no other options than her.
You have so much to learn, I would suggest that you start with No More Mr Nice Guy (the book by Dr. Robert Glover) and do ALL of the exercises. If you have time to write a 30 page letter to some girl who doesn't wanna be with you, you have more than enough time to work on yourself. Start there.
Once you're done with that, read ALL of the sidebar information.
Before you do the 2 things I mention above, join a gym right now. If you're already a member of a gym, get serious about working out and build your physique. There is no better way to channel pain than through iron. Try it, it really works.
jshtx2117 6y ago
Why would you make someone a priority who only makes you an option?
[deleted] 6y ago
Nope.
[deleted] 6y ago
She's dead to you, when you returned the stuff and letter. You basically placed it at her gravestone. and now you need to unplug and move on.