Quick question I would appreciate a second opinion on:
Twice (maybe three times) my LTR of one year has made a comment like "Are you sure I can’t convince you to let me get a sugar daddy so I can book us luxurious trips", this is always precluded by stress about money. She will elaborate "I would just want to find someone who likes giving young people money, nothing else". (edit) To clarify, this is not a serious idea, or testing the waters. It is the venting of a frustrated broke university student.
Obviously this idea is unacceptable. When she brings it up I stonewall pretty hard and she will backtrack and spill a bit of spaghetti.
My question is, do I lay down the law and say I never want to hear about it again, or just be non-reactive if it ever re-surfaces?
Being non-reactive is prime DGAF-mode, which is a core tenent. However, I also see a leadership value in telling her what I expect from her (or maybe I'm just hampstering because I want to tell her off).
Inb4 "AWALT" "It's just your turn". I know this, I'm currently looking to maximize the enjoyment of my turn.
derrtderr 5y ago
Whenever I see a thread like this I think about termites and how when you see them outside the walls, it’s because there are so many in there already, the population has to expand out into the open.
Her little question is that one termite chilling on your bathroom sink.
Your statements are the equivalent of: “It’s just ONE. Probably came from outside.”
It’s not the only one. The call came from inside the house and you’re dating a prostitute now.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
Lmao
B.R.U.T.A.L.
account66780 5y ago
This termite comparison is very, very good. Thank you for this.
Mildly_Sociopathic 5y ago
Check out of the LTR and start pimping.
mrpoopistan 5y ago
Username checks out.
chadjugo 5y ago
Yep.
If you’re American, Pomona, CA and Las Vegas, NV are great places to start
boy_named_su 5y ago
I would downgrade her to FWB. Encourage her to get a SD. Milk it for all it's worth. Fuck other chicks too
account66780 5y ago
After getting two temporary STIs (one that spreads regardless of condom usage) I like taking them one at a time, less risk.
I'm looking to maximize my enjoyment with her while it lasts, and get better at establishing a power dynamic in general/for the next one.
no_condoments 5y ago
What'd you get for STIs? (Everyone seems to discuss STIs in a very vague sense, but people rarely state the specific ones they have)
account66780 5y ago
Yeah I realize this is a throw-away lol, no need to be vague.
First I got chlamydia, I was absolutely blackout and a girl who I'd been finessing took me to a bedroom and rode me without a condom. I had been trying to fuck her that night but was planning on using a condom (until basically losing consciousness), she was a large slut.
After that I was much more diligent about using a condom with non-exclusive partners (and not belligerently blacking the fuck out). Then I got Molluscum contagiosum, not quite a classic "STI" but it was almost definitely from a girl who I had sex with.
I have also read recently about "super antibiotic resistant gonorrhea" and learned you can get chlamydia from fucking blowjobs.
I respect all of those with plate grinds out there but no amount of pussy is worth something incurable, I'm not rolling those dice anymore. I am fine to hook up with one girl at a time, and shop around for the ones who aren't very promiscuous (or at least hide it well).
Kabuki431 5y ago
There's no such thing as a platonic sugar daddy, those are called unicorn.
If shes getting money, be assured shes getting fucked. And will do things that she won't do with you.
Just ignore enjoy and make sure you wrap it up. You are getting free pussy while some old fart is paying for it.
Proceed with extreme caution. Sugar babies are glorified hookers
creating_my_life 5y ago
You simply establish boundaries. "My girlfriend isn't a sugar baby." She's welcome to do what she wants. You're completely in control to end the relationship if it doesn't meet your needs.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
You morons and your words. If you have to tell your gf not to be a fucking whore, you already lost. Do you seriously believe that that is a boundary you have to set with someone who's supposedly committed to you? Jesus fucking Christ u guys are pathetic.
The idea of setting boundaries doesnt apply for next level shit like that. Boundaries you can verbally set are for little things that pertain to your personal preferences like "Don't ever change the car radio without my permission", "I don't like morning breath kisses", "don't expect me to fight battles that you choose to start with other people" etc etc. Shit like that is valid. But having to tell your gf "Muh gurlfren would never suck old men's cock for money while in a relationship with me" is downright fucking pathetic and pure beta male behavior. That's a fucking red flag and u should next instantly.
account66780 5y ago
I like the fact you don't sugar coat things.
This isn't setting a boundary about not being a sugar baby (like you said, that's absolutely ridiculous). The "boundary" (not a fan of this word in this context) is much more "that idea is stupid/borderline insulting and I don't want to waste my time hearing it again"
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
Its not just an idea to her. Its something she is very capable of and is willing to do. This is not a joke and she wasn't "just saying stuff". You came here for advice and we are giving you raw unfiltered advice that you won't get anywhere else in this quadrant of the galaxy. Listen to it! This girl is a little hoe. Dont believe me? Tell her to do it. Give her the green light. Tell her you've thought about it, and have reconsidered, and that you want her to try it and see how much you two can make. Be very serious about I, and ask her what help does she need setting it all up. You will see who you're dealing with.
account66780 5y ago
The advice is well taken. This will be something to discuss tomorrow, I'm taking this a lot more seriously than I was before.
InstigatingDrunk 5y ago
honestly dude keep us updated. sounds like an interesting social experiment. like otehrs have said, be prepared for the shit show to follow lol
account66780 5y ago
I feel as if I did not communicate myself well in my post, which is my mistake.
This is not a serious idea being floated, this is a frustrated girl venting about being a broke university student.
I am wondering if bringing up how I dislike that idea tomorrow will be viewed as poor form mate guarding, or alpha boundary setting.
creating_my_life 5y ago
No, it's not. She's genuinely testing the waters with the idea. Likely because one of her girlfriends is doing it and she's jealous of the attention the friend is getting. And besides, having sex with a rich, handsome older man who pays her sounds kind of exciting.
She's not just venting. Be very careful.
Mate guarding is when you try to control her actions. Alpha boundary setting is when you control your actions.
account66780 5y ago
A girlfriend has tried this out in the past 6 months. Your point about constant vigilance/being careful is well-taken.
Thank you for the delineation of mate guarding, I am looking forward to discussing this with her tomorrow.
kindlypassive 5y ago
I’ve been a broke college student, and so have a million other people. But I’ve never even contemplated on the idea of getting myself a sugar daddy. This is just weird af.
Don’t bring it up unless she brings it up again. Then you can tell her.
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kindlypassive 5y ago
Because if you bring it up out of nowhere you’re showing her that you’ve been proactively thinking about it and it’s been bothering you. I feel like as a man you need to still have that “IDGAF” mentally, however, if she brings it up AGAIN, then you tell her to cut it out.
And if she brings it up again even after your talk with her, then cut her out of your life.
Just my two cents.
WoodenToe 5y ago
Might want to browse seekingarrangement to check if she's there. There's a surprising amount of overlap on that site with bumble and tinder and I almost went on dates with a few of them. Must be so easy being a female...
mrpoopistan 5y ago
Look at that! You've answered your own question. Just tell her that.
You can't piss away your life trying to TRP the hell out of every situation. TRP is a toolbox that allows you to do what you want to do. It's clear this suggestion does not fall under the heading of things you want to do.
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account66780 5y ago
You are correct, asking for paint-by-numbers solutions isn't a way to live.
I thought I'd learn something interesting by bringing this up here. As I could make a good argument to myself as to why laying down the law was the best case, but also make an argument for why ignoring it entirely and just withdrawing attention until she moved on to a topic I was willing to entertain was actually the better course.
mrpoopistan 5y ago
I figured I'd cover the topic, because we get guys on here who really don't get that you can't run game on rails. Apparently the "recalibration" concept from the olden days of the PUAs just gets lost in the shuffle.
FTR, I'm not an "ignore it" type. If something bothers me, I just say it. At this point in my life, if something does bother me, I figure it has to be total bullshit anyhow, so I'll be in the right.
account66780 5y ago
I think the fact TRP is such a wealth of info people get so used to reading advice they stop generating it for themselves. Easy to get into the habit of turning to this resource.
I think you have the optimal attitude here, ignoring things isn't a good lifestyle.
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account66780 5y ago
Nah don't live together. She's not the type to cheat (yet), just naive/saying dumb shit.
It's not quite "next" time, although I feel it approaching.
I ask mostly to build a sense of when to withdraw my attention vs lay down law. Push/pull, if you will.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
You're the only naive guy here.
pointster_VSK 5y ago
“ she’s night the type to cheat “
Lmao,I guess you think you’ve found a unicorn.
Better go focus on the book of pook, sperm wars and the side bar
[deleted] 5y ago
So, Say I was was this dude, would telling her that would make her a slut be a bad move? ASD?
account66780 5y ago
Biased, but I do not think so.
Putting people into damage control mode doesn't usually lead to best case outcomes for you.
maintaining_frame 5y ago
Any girl that I have ever or would ever be in a relationship with (not plate, mind you) would be shown the door the first time she vomited out such a suggestion, under any circumstances.
MattyAnon Admin 5y ago
You gently but firmly tell her no, but you never ever stop the actual conversation. If this is bubbling up in her head, you want to know about it.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Three words: Dump.That.Bitch.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
She means it and she's testing the waters. You got yourself a little hoe there. Shes not relationship material, but u don't need to next her yet either. Shes trash, but you can capitalize. Pimp her out. Mentally check out of the relationship, and start seeing other girls low-key. Let her get her sugar daddy, use the money to buy shit you need. Encourage her to offer some skin for more money. Before you know it, you'll be driving in a new car all paid off by her SD.
It's time you finesse these hoes man
Redpillavenger 5y ago
For the guy who was talking about boundaries, that's only when both parts Desires to do it! lol she's trying too hard to not look like a hoe in front of you, the next time she brings that up act like you heard the best prank of you f life, laugh hard and enjoy my friend because she will do whatever she wants anyways!