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Ask questions related to TRP, dating, life advice.
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_Neon_Shadow_ 5y ago
It's over. Find a new plate.
Throwaway-242424 5y ago
She's deliberately keeping it vague so she can mentally check out of the relationship and not feel guilt for hooking up on vacation, but can also slide back into the relationship without having to explicitly "come back" after breaking up.
quantum_grape 5y ago
Yes that's my fear. And I'll never know if she did cheat during the vacation. When she returns I'll make her realize that we were not broken up during this time. I'll ask her if we were and if that was the case then I'll walk. If she cheated I want her to at least feel the guilt.
iintrOOutroo 5y ago
Don't ask. You are trying to rationalize her behavior to fit your narrative.
styxus90 5y ago
Nah dude fuck it. Shes gonna lie and feel justified doing it, and in the end she cucked you nonetheless. There are no doubt honest women out there. But they are not the ones who conveniently break up for a quick fuck fest. Its over. Fuck some girls, ghost her.
quantum_grape 5y ago
But her conveniently "breaking up" with me before the vacation for guilt free sex is just a theory. It's possible she was pissed and hurt by my text and feels the need to pull back and reconsider the relationship. Or it's possible that she just wants to dread me and punish me for my text.
All theories. It's probably best to give the benefit of the doubt in relationships. I know that's bluepill, but if I left every girl I met because of a possibility that her motives were not honest then I'd be forever single.
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quantum_grape 5y ago
Wise words. You're right. I'll fix that.
Why do you say she should have broken up with me based on a single snappy text I sent her? How does 1 butthurt text message justify her breaking up with me after 4 months? I'm having a hard time seeing all the wrong in my text. I understand that it was insecure and bitter, even passive aggressive, but couples will lash out at each other sometimes - right?
Will go into monk mode and not set high expectations. Since you said she should have broken up with me I'm guessing that I was 100% in the wrong. So I should apologize to her again this time face-to-face? I already apologized twice, but it was by text. Not sure how I can act indifferent (not give a fuck) while apologizing.
Thanks for the insights btw.
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quantum_grape 5y ago
Just be better. I like that.
How about I don't apologize again, but bring flowers when she invites me to talk on her return. Sounds good? Even you think the text I sent was shit and breakup worthy, wouldn't it make sense to apologize in person even though I did it by text twice? What's the danger of saying "I'm sorry" when I see her?
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quantum_grape 5y ago
I don't get it. You told me that she should have broken up with me based on the text. So clearly I hurt her and I'm in the wrong. When in the wrong you should apologize and hope the person forgives you. She's not going to bend over to please me-- not after that passive aggressive butthurt text I sent her that started all of this.
You admitted that I was in the wrong and that she should have broken up with me. What should I talk to her about when I see her? We're going to have to discuss the fight and my text. She's likely going to expect an apology. Do I just try to lighten the argument and pretend it wasn't a bit deal? She'll see through me. Clearly I'll be upset from her not texting me throughout the vacation.
I have self respect. It's just that I was in the wrong, so it's up to me to make it right. How can I send her a shitty text then expect her to bend over backwards to please me?
markinsinz7 5y ago
Yes ur broken up with her.
She has already sucked 1 dick the first day her plane landed there .
Now she will proceed to take a few more dickings during this vacation.
Meanwhile when u don't message her for entire vacation she will wonder what happened and will chase u when she's back. Take her back but treat her like a friend with benefits. Use the fuck out of her for sex cause u know deep down she's a whore
quantum_grape 5y ago
Damn I sent a text today telling her I hope she has a good day. No response. Will stop. Will stop texting. Doesn't look like she will reply to me until she's back.
I'm going to hang in bars and music venues this weekend just to make myself realize that there's more fish in the sea in case she abandons ship when I talk to her.
markinsinz7 5y ago
I think u should have got fully burnt before u came to trp.
Cause now ur come in halfway thru ur emotional trauma but hey maybe it'll red pill you enough.
Yea dude actually if ur in a city just go to bar order only 1 drink and just think about bigger shit in life. Nothing else. Like how ur going to build ur smv. Don't read too much just think of what ur core passions are - what if someone gave u a million to do anything what would u do. Irrespective of whether others care about it or not. Not for fame birches or anything. If u don't find an answer then let it go and embrace the woefulness of ur pain, fully indulge in it and drink.
Eventually you'll reach the infamous anger stage. Then it's immediate lifting and each day a little bit of the sidebar.
masterpiece00 5y ago
Her thundercock met her at the airport.
CainPrice 5y ago
You know exactly what's going on. Vacations without a significant other, especially at a resort where the only activities are drinking and sitting around in bathing suits, are for hooking up.
quantum_grape 5y ago
But I thought it was mostly couples at good resorts, especially this time of year. Can't imagine there being many groups of single guys staying at resorts.
What do I do? Should I give her the benefit of doubt? Do I inquire about her vacation when she arrives and ask if she got hit on etc..? That would make me seem insecure no doubt. Fuck.
CainPrice 5y ago
Start dating and having sex with other women. She broke up with you.
No. Also, it doesn't matter. She broke up with you. Let's say she has sex with one or multiple guys while she's on vacation. So what? She's single.
No. You're broken up. What she's doing with who is none of your business. Why do you care who your ex has sex with?
quantum_grape 5y ago
But I don't know if we're actually broken up. The text I sent that triggered this was something like "Ok, so you don't want to see me tonight then? See you next week or whatever. Wanted to spend more time with my GF before she leaves. Guess the feeling isn't mutual."
That's when she sent her text "Based on the whatever I will say take care of you....". I told her why she's threatening a breakup, and she replied that my "whatever" was the threat. Later that night she text me "Going to bed. Tough day for the both of us.".
It's not at all clear that we're broken up. She left room for doubt and reconciliation (conveniently). Maybe she's just using dread game and punishing me for my outburst.
covertpenguin3390 5y ago
Why would you waste your time dating someone who would make you doubt if you’re even dating before a vacation. She’s not stupid and knows what she’s doing to you. Let’s even go out on a limb and say she’s just doing this to punish you and not so she can cheat/will not cheat. Why the fuck would you date someone who you feel like doesn’t want to see you as much as them anyways? Start dating girls that reciprocate the attention you give them and have some self respect. I learned the hard way dating girls like your girlfriend, it sucked and i constantly felt bad because they pull shit like that. Now i only date girls that treat me the way i deserve because i insta-next any that have signs of the prior. Do the same, your life will be 1,000 happier and more stress free. My current gf and ex aren’t unicorns, but they never left me or would ever leave me in doubt of our relationship status before a vacation.
quantum_grape 5y ago
Hmm. I'll wait and see where it goes when she returns. I'm not in a rush to get laid. You may be right in that she might be manipulating me. Intentionally blowing up the argument and punishing me. I know I wouldn't do this to her if she sent me a snappy text one night. I wouldn't sabotage 4 months of a good relationship like that.
Will wait to talk to her. If she wants to breakup then so be it. I'll try to reconcile but will be ready to walk if she tries to punish me more for that 1 snappy text I sent.
Thanks. And I'll go out solo this weekend to talk to women and give myself perspective that there's more girls out there.
Throwaway-242424 5y ago
Dude are you even reading the replies you are getting? "I'll wait and see" "I'm not in a rush to get laid" "will wait to talk to her" "I'll try to reconcile" this girl has you wrapped around her finger. Why don't you buy a last-minute flight down there to prep the bull while you're at it?
quantum_grape 5y ago
lol. I dont understand her "having me wrapped around my finger". What benefits could she possible get from wrapping me around her finger aka manipulating me? She threatened to dump me.
Throwaway-242424 5y ago
Because we're all telling you that it's obvious she has concocted the perfect balance of breaking up vs not to absolve herself of guilt for hooking up on vacation, without having to actually pull the trigger, but you're still here talking about how you're waiting for her like a good puppy and expecting to reconcile.
quantum_grape 5y ago
Lol I know. But to be fair, all of that is speculation. I'm not sure if she concocted this plan to cheat without guilt. I can't be sure. What if she's not? There's definitely a fair chance that she's not and that she just wants to hurt me back by dreading me. I can't view her as an opponent in a game or this will never work. It's a relationship right. We work together and give each other the benefit of the doubt - red pill or blue pill, that's how relationships should be.
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quantum_grape 5y ago
You're right. This is me. I realize that I'm more invested then she is and care more about us. But I think this is temporary. Over time she will allow herself to become emotionally invested and the scales will even more. She's just hesitant to get emotionally invested with me, I sense it.
Yes that was shitty of her. But that was only in response to my shitty text, right? I cant expect to hurt someone and not get hurt back.
She doesn't use or look at social media, so that wont work. Should I apologize in person when she returns? I apologized by text twice. I feel like I need to if I want her back. Not sure if distancing myself will work with her. She's very independent and mentally strong. I'll meet with her only if she suggests a meetup, and I'll apologize. Then I'll distance myself. Pull back and be less invested in the relationship until she shows equal interest.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
You are not in love with this person. You are in love with the concept of her being in love with you. Whether men or women do it, it's always a bad sign to hear yourself saying "I can change them, I know they'll learn to love me some day..."
It doesn't actually sound like you know her very well yet?
quantum_grape 5y ago
I know her well. We've only been together for 4 months, but we really got to know each other. We spend 2-3 nights a week sleeping over since the start. I'm not looking to change her. I just think that because of previous relationships she doesn't allow herself to be too emotionally vulnerable / committed with me. Should get better with time..
I on the other hand am the opposite. I have the anxious attachment style, always wanting to be with her and too committed. While she's the avoidant style.
Bleh.. Still no text from her. Doesn't look like she'll text me until she gets back. Surely she knows I'm hurt. Did my text hurt her that bad that she feels justified doing this. WTF.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
You do not sound like you’ve found your frame yet, bro. Focus on YOU. You’re still focusing on her. Every time you catch yourself thinking about what she’s doing or thinking or how deeply her actions hurt you, slap yourself in the face and do a housechore. It’ll have the benefit of giving you something else to do to get your mind off her.
This is part of behavioral modification. You can do it!
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
None of us can read your gf's mind, so there's no way to know for certain what she intends. I can say for certain that if she hasn't decided yet, getting paranoid about her fabricating a reason to break up with you before her trip will not do much to increase her attraction to you. You already said you were the one that was initially at fault.
It takes two to tango. Take responsibility for whatever shit you did, hold frame, and don't come at her pointing fingers. Even if she does want to break up with you - so what? That's her choice. It doesn't really matter what the reason is. Learn from it, better yourself, and find someone else. Abundance mentality, man.
quantum_grape 5y ago
Okay I like this approach.
Yes I was initially at fault. And I'll try my best to resist telling her that she conveniently broke up with me before the trip.
How do I take responsibility? I apologized twice by text and even called myself an idiot in the text. Do I apologize to her face to face when she returns? I don't know how I can hold friend when I'll be telling her I was in the wrong and apologizing.
failingtheturingtest 5y ago
Don't listen to this blue pill bullshit. She intentionally did something to piss you off so that you would do something she could overreact to.
She's set you up so that she can fuck around and come back guilt free. And you're wondering if you can beg enough to get her back again. She's planning on cheating on you and making it your fault.
Grow some balls, move the fuck on, don't talk to her again.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
I said nothing about begging. I specifically said he shouldn’t be giving her any thoughts at all, honestly. Assuming every time you have a fight, she’s going to immediately cheat is anger-phase thinking. Though I agree that if someone genuinely feels this way about their partner, it’s probably time to end the relationship.
failingtheturingtest 5y ago
The begging reference was to his comment. He specifically mentioned having apologised twice and called himself an idiot, AND he's asking if it's ok to apologise another time face to face when she gets back. Even the most blue pilled princess chaser would have to admit that's begging.
quantum_grape 5y ago
But I can't be sure of that. I don't know if it was an intentional manipulative plan. Sure there's a chance it was, but also a chance that it wasn't. If I focused on the negative possibility every relationship I would get nowhere.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
Correct. Assuming that every time your partner goes on vacation, they’re cheating on you/trying to use the trip to hurt you is not an indication of a healthy relationship. She planned the trip before you even got in a fight. It’s not reasonable to ask her to cancel. I can’t imagine having tension with her boyfriend back home made the trip more enjoyable, I’d have been unable to even relax anymore with it weighing on my mind.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
If you’ve already apologized, you’ve already done everything you need to do. As far as your end goes, this is resolved. It takes some people longer than others to get over things, so there might be a feeling of tension for a while. This is when keeping frame is most important- DONT let it suck you in. Stick to your mission, focus on YOU and what you want to be doing with your time. Let her focus on her own needs. If she takes too long coming around, I’d break up. No harm, no foul, but life is too short to spend it focusing on things that torture us. Relationships shouldn’t feel like they hurt.
quantum_grape 5y ago
Okay. I'll try to reconcile and if she accepts then I'll give her more space and focus on my own life more. And I wont invest more until she does first. Clearly I'm more emotionally invested then her and that's never a good thing. But then again someone has to be the one who's more invested and it can't always be the girl.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
Just think of it this way: pressure breaks things. The more pressure, the more likely it will break. The more pressure you put on her to behave in a certain way, or tell you a certain thing, to work within a certain timeline, the more likely she is to want more space and to want to give them less. Remember first and foremost that our primary goal for the day is just to get through the day. I know everything feels urgent when you’re invested in someone, but you should approach a relationship as though you both have the next 50 years to resolve things, and are not in any particular rush.
(Edit; I should add that I’m saying this because I used to be right where you are when I was younger. And it took hard work, self awareness and dedication to behavioral modification to get out. And all of my relationships have improved for it.)
MisfitPL9 5y ago
Your are going to experience a severe heartbreak if you think this way.
Other have given you advice and telling you what she is up to and yet you STILL DONT GET IT as you are so far into the Blu Pill fairy tale that it will eventually fuck you up.
Read the Sidebar
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
The sidebar says nothing about fixating on fears about your gf breaking up with you or cheating on you. Relationships don’t work if they’re founded on paranoia and bitterness
MisfitPL9 5y ago
My response was meant to OP. The sidebar reading material most certainly has advice on break ups and girls cheating.
Gravel_Roads 5y ago
Yup. At no point did I suggest otherwise. Nor do I have a problem with breaking up. For like... any reason, honestly. Everyone should be free to enter or leave a relationship as they see fit. I just don’t see any benefit to emotionally languishing in negative emotions over things that might not even be happening. Thats how you get early gray hairs.
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
So you were monogamous? This is a LTR? She grew an argument out of proportion to kind of end the relationship because she wants strange dick and you didn't have the balls to do it.
Since downgrading from monogamy to fwb/plate doesn't work imo and since you have to downgrade, there is only one logical consequence. The relationship is over. Hard next. She's dead to you from now on. Like she never existed. Delete all contact possibilites and move on.
You will think about her from time to time. Other women and time will help with fading her memory. GL.
iintrOOutroo 5y ago
Is this a chick posing as a dude?
WoodWizzy87 5y ago
She’s banging Juan Valdez right now dude.....
quantum_grape 5y ago
Crossing my fingers that it's someone more famous. Hopefully the dos equis beer guy.