Hey guys, im a regular red pill lurker and have been implementing these teachings in my life (gym, self improvement, assertiveness etc). I'd be the first to acknowledge im still pretty beta but working on it every day.
I've been trying to be more aloof, asking questions but avoiding answers, less kiss-arse and let her do the talking.Then i recieved the message below from a girl ive been dating a few months. Usually i'd jump on here and search for a post relevant to my issue but im not sure where ive gone wrong this time. Is this a comfort test? Shit test? Or do i just not have the SMV to pull off aloof and mysterious. Hamstering loss of attraction? In regards to the insults part, i usually just tease a bit and she returns the banter. Anyway if anyone has any wisdom to share, my mind is open. Appreciate it guys.
"You’ve made it excessively painful to be around. It was like talking to a brick wall full of insults again. I thought you’d changed slightly and could be a real person who could have a decent conversation and share things, but apparently you’d rather put me down or play ridiculous games that don’t interest me. I feel like I talk to myself about absolutely nothing just to fill the silence of the nothing you have to contribute. There are a lot of people who appreciate my company and put in effort to treat me like a human not a toy. Not sure what complex you have to cause you to put everything down around you to feel better, but it got old real quick."
Update: Thanks for the responses guys lots of wisdom to reflect on, a great first post response. I'll definitely try to be more active on here from now on.
I've asked her to come over this week and I'll listen to her and let her emotionally vent, I'll slightly provide more pull factor and less push while maintaining frame. If she refuses, I'll next her, it will be a shame but with access to this forum i know I'll do fine in the long run.
failingtheturingtest 5y ago
It's called push/pull for a reason. The idea is that you don't always complement and drop everything to please a woman. You also don't just insult and ignore a woman you're interested in keeping around.
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
Definitely a lesson learnt here for next time, i gave her zero physical compliments and scarce personality ones.
Appreciate the advise.
[deleted] 5y ago
You don't have to ever say "you're beautiful" compliment get on things she does, not things she is
dbz0x 5y ago
This still doesn’t mean you should jump right back into compliments and providing comfort. Ease into it by giving her a fun experience to let her forget this then provide comfort gradually. Key next step here is to do it through your frame, not hers.
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
Frame is always on my mind in her presence . I usually think that indulging her need to talk about feelings or comfort is entering her frame so I avoid it.
I don't think i yet comprehend how to provide comfort while maintain my frame... I'll keep at it though.
Thanks mate
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
Yeah perhaps i have been taking it to the extreme. I'll approach it as a comfort test and if that fails then hard next.
There is definitely some golden wisdom and experience on this forum and also some utter crap by guys trying to act alpha. As a newbie im still finding it hard to tell the two apart.
Thanks for your response mate.
We_Are_Legion 5y ago
There's a great post on the TRP sidebar required theory reading about relationships.
It explains the spirit of a RP relationship rather well. Treat your woman as a father would his little girl. You don't need to belittle your woman. That's not amused mastery. If anything, listen to her more effectively. Be a leader. Manage your ship well and make your first mate feel known and at ease.
Here, try this great technique of listening. I recently used it to great effect as well.
On your first try, go ahead and explicitly tell her this technique. Experiment. See how it goes. On the next try, simply have a conversation where you don't tell her but simply try and do nothing but listen (inc. restate her opinions), while being non-reactive herself. I've done something similar and its like the panties drop themselves. Btw, this needn't be a permanent change, but this short learning exercise of listening will benefit you for life with women.
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
Yeah, i interrupt and make fun of her thoughts always steer things towards light-hearted banter, it feels childish looking back in reflection. I'll try to give her that complete emotional vent, listen and show understanding.
Really appreciate the advice mate, lots to think on.
We_Are_Legion 5y ago
I am happy, "mate".
Remember to follow Dr. Rogers technique as an explicit rule. Listen. It is not important to say sorry for every little thing, but it is very important to visibly be seen fixing what needs fixing. That's what a good father does.
TRPanalyst 5y ago
“Only people in straight jackets talk to brick walls”
Red-Lantern 5y ago
You could salvage this if you want but abundance mentality man. Always be ready to walk away.
Do not respond by text more than logistics.
When you see her at some point when it feels natural, do as you've been doing. Stay quiet and listen intently, a smirk helps. Then smile and say, "I really love the sound of your voice."
Don't be creepy about it.
From there you can explain that you just zone out or it has a hypnotic charm or some mushy shit. Whatever you say should be grounded in reality. Note some observations in a positive light if you can. "You look so cute when you're mad."
Maybe there's a tick or trait that's unique that you've noticed and point it out to her in a positive light. The point is to straddle the line between justifying your behavior while deflecting with something about her that you find more interesting instead of what she's saying.
9/10 she's just looking to vent and fill space. Its up to you to steer the conversation but let her talk. Ask questions, bring up topics, ask deeper questions along the 'hooks' that she gives you. If you're listening you'll find what she wants to talk about because she just told you.
You must then decide how you want the conversation to go as well as the tone. Your vibe plays heavily into this. She'll match her posture and attitude to match yours but you have to also give her cues to keep it going.
Read all of the sidebar is the best recommendation I can give though. Good luck.
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
This is pure gold mate, exactly what i needed, I appreciate it.
I've invited her over to talk about what's bothering her and I'll be keeping what you've said in mind.
I've read the LTR side bars, but like the gym, i think it takes repetition to fully take effect. I'll read them again now.
Red-Lantern 5y ago
Ball is in your court. Be cool with whatever the outcome. You've got this.
[deleted] 5y ago
I don’t know if this relates and I have no LTR experience. But Rollo has an article about ovulatory cycles and says to up the alpha around ovulation time and be more beta near the end of her cycle
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
True, i did forget she did just go back on the pill as well. From what i heard that increases attraction to slightly more beta.
[deleted] 5y ago
You're becoming more aloof and she's shit testing you to see if you're really more alpha now or just putting on an act.
MisplacedSanityP 5y ago
A good rule of thumb for whether it's your SMV or not, would she do this with Brad Pit?
As for your situation, you probably haven't praised her enough for the good behavior which I'm assuming is there, otherwise you shouldn't be in an LTR with her. Like if she dresses well one night and sucks your cock real well, point it out. If she's a brat one night, make digs at her for it or outright withdraw your attention. The part you're likely missing as someone else said is the pull aspect of it. Think of a woman as a child. What do you do with a child when they behave well? You praise them for it to encourage good behavior. Honestly you may have reached the point in this relationship where there is no return. What do you do from here you ask? Don't get into the situation in the first place. Move on from this relationship and search for greener pastures.
Soggybiscuit117 5y ago
Yeah she has very little red flags. Good relationship with father, insists on paying her way, and best sex I've had.
It's definitely too much push, it was hard to see it until she came out with this.
Thanks for the advice mate.