In a recent shroom trip I realized a large part of my lack of success with women was my own self-defeating mindset which varied from self-pity to extreme lack of confidence and an abundance of self-doubt and extreme scarcity mentality. While being a realist I certainly acknowledge my own disadvantages I'll get into later, but am optimistic I can get at least some sort of ball rolling and find success. Even if I am never able to surpass HB6.5 levels but I am still able to enjoy the sexual or romantic company of women I'll be completely satisfied. The only hard standard I have is the woman I am fucking/dating cannot be fat. I've tried fucking fat women before and I lift weights in the gym, not the bedroom.
While my journey to becoming a higher value man has begun, I'm still confused as to what I should begin with. The unique circumstance I find myself in I spoke of earlier is that I am physically handicapped and am quite short at 5 feet tall at 28. I'd like to mention that my intellect is as sharp as a knifes edge so I'm good there. I realize attraction is non-negotiable. It's either there or not.
In order to better help you, the advisor, of the exact nature of my handicap here are some shirtless pics my photographer buddy did of me for practice. For thsoe who care, it's severe congenital scoliosis resulting from a very rare genetic syndrome that caused my rib cage to be smaller and not grow/expand properly. I'm in the process of organizing for a surgery I need to replace one of the three titanium rods in my back. Suffice to say this replacement, which hasn't been touched since I was 16, will significantly even my shoulders.
- I've already been lifting for 2 years.
- I cardio regularly
- Just got accepted to 2.5 years of schooling at a highly credited tech institute for comp engineering
- paying off debts via a job right now
- employed after spending years bumbling around
Should I read the recommended books such as The Rational Male and others first before beginning to regularly approach? I've already read No More Mr Nice Guy. My entire mindset since Jr High School towards women was to look at one I liked, hope she noticed me and then talked to me. I've known for years this is the absolute stupidest way to think but it just became a habit. I'm ready to finally face my fears of rejection. I realized a lot of my fears and doubts are shared just as much by other guys as myself. While disadvantaged when compared to some others, there is no reason I cannot achieve my realistic objectives. Thus, my whole mindset all these years was self defeating.
I wasn't sheltered at all by my parents so I'm properly socialized, I just lack game and courtship experience in general for example I have many guys old and young who I talk to in the gym. I hope that if I improved things in certain areas I could actually get something rolling here and that it's worth pursuing. After a 7 month LTR/oneitis recently re-surfaced and blew the fuck out of me I realized that nothing is going to be handed to me on a silver platter. I have to go out and conquer that shit on my own because nobody is going to do it for me.
Any advice offered will be appreciated. My question is what should I start with? Complete sidebar and recommended reading lists? Then cold approaching? A lot of people are initially made uncomfortable by handicapped people so I'd be interested in hearing advice on how to handle this circumstance that's uncommon with most people.
Andgelyo 5y ago
First and foremost, get that surgery done. The reality is, people care about looks, a lot. Considering you are only 5 foot, invest in wearing lifts so you could at least increase your height while going out. In the meantime, work on your social skills and read up on the side bar. It seems like you are doing everything right.
Casd12 5y ago
Get rich, acquire power then host yacht parties, travel the world, run charities/companies. Just replace your disability with money and power. You said you're smart, make that happen
Roadhouse1984 5y ago
I'm too tired to formulate proper advice if I even have any...but you inspire me. Best of luck on your path!
Brushyourteethm8 5y ago
Sounds like you have a decent outlook. Yeah the physical flaws will set you back behind other guys but that's not the be all and end all.
Keep grafting, reading, lifting, improving and think of ways to generate social proof. Don't see why you should limit to 6.5s though. Genuinely - I don't know you and even if I did I wouldn't insult you with falsness. If your frame is strong, you're driven and 6.5s are attracted to you then why wouldn't 8s and 9s? Like you've said - attraction isn't negotiable so if you're capable of giving average thots the tingles then the higher end girls will also respond.
Your physical differences will turn some off and there's nothing you can do about that but you don't seem to be under any illusions.
The ones that are on the fence however, will shit test and try to push your buttons in the most despicable and callous ways. Their bodies will be responding favourably to a guy who doesn't fit the bounds of what they normally go for and this scare and confuse them. If your frame is rock solid and they don't even catch a whiff of self doubt, limitation or pity then they will just fall like dominoes.
It will be tougher for you than the average guy but that doesn't mean it's not possible. Keep us updated on progress mate
menial_optimist 5y ago
Ah, you made some great ass points. I'll definitely update as I go along and thank god for this community and internet in general. Imagine going your entire life never learning these concepts and experiences wondering why you weren't getting the love/sex/companionship you wanted?
Never thought about it like that. Golden insights there my friend.
Brushyourteethm8 5y ago
Hey man, how's it going?
syn1us 5y ago
Become a millionare, become famous, fix everything about your body that you can possibly fix, become as shredded as possible, work on your game. If nothing works, find a girl who suffers from the same condition, that will bind you together like nothing else. There are many examples of men with physical problems way worse than yours who are successful in life and who have healthy relationships. For example Nick Santonastasso and Sean Stephenson.
trancedj 5y ago
Sounds like you’re on a good path. A job in tech can be lucrative so learn as much as you can. A six figure income (and higher) is achievable but it will take skills and experience. Enjoy the journey.
A word of caution dude. Let’s say you hone your social skills, physique, and career to maximize your smv and you start dating girls above a 6. This is where shit can get dangerous for you if you’re not prepared. Specifically, you MUST learn and understand women’s nature. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for some serious heartache and pain. Read all of Rollo Tomassi’s books, twice. Read the side bar again. Read the books recommended on the sidebar. Never let your guard down. Understanding women’s nature is the burden of men who wish to be relationship with them. Good men have taken their own lives for failing to understand woman’s nature. There’s a reason TRP has sayings like AWALT and “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn.” Practice, practice, practice. You’ll get there, just make sure you don’t set yourself up to get burned along the way.
Remember, women should be an accompaniment to an already awesome life. In other words, never make a woman your sole purpose.
Now get after it!
menial_optimist 5y ago
Fuck man, ample preparation in progress. Cheers
disabledtrp 5y ago
First of all, i want to encourage you about continuing this process of self improvement, doesn't matter the result.
I'm actually in a pretty similar situation as you, i have been in this road for a couple of months and i'm not an expert at all, but i can share some things i learned that specifically affects people with disabilities like us:
DISCLAIMER: even after trying all of this, i couldn't still pull off even a date with an HB6/7 that is my low end standard. I could easily get a date and a fuck from 4/5 fatty, but like OP, i prefer to lift at the gym. I'm lacking in the going out at night aspect for the lack of time, but i know there aren't too many of us in TRP, so maybe i can help somehow anyway.
Those are my 2 cents. Do not give up bro, i know is hard, but the rewards at the end of the road worth the work that you need put in. I hope we can share some FR soon both of us :)
​
menial_optimist 5y ago
Right on mate, cheers. The rewards are definitely going to be worth it for sure.
DVidojkovic 5y ago
Learning to accept yourself for who you are and loving yourself the way you are is the way to start. Then remind yourself often that you don't need anyone else, but yourself to live on. Start valuing your friends and make sure you are in the center of your own universe - prioritize yourself. Find your mission(your dream job, video editing, computer science, whatever)and try to achieve it by contributing every day at least a bit to it. Women are just an obstacle to accomplishing your mission.
​
sirdaaz 5y ago
I would definitely consume The Rational Male over and over and over again. Good luck, brother! Remember, you are the prize.
[deleted] 5y ago
We have a saying in my country, "Money makes people blind". I'm not saying you should get rich to get girls, I'm saying that having a disability or a deformity is not the end of the world especially in game.
Remember, from status, money and game, only game is what's worth it bro.
You need a lot of internal work and thinking to come in terms with your deformity and finally transcend it. And if you think more about it, in my vision, you could do wonders with it. One joke comes to mind is the hilarious sexual positions you could make while sex...etc etc. You could make wonders! Use it to your advantage.
Also, I've got a story from my grandma that you might like. In her twenties, some guy from the neighborhood proposed for her. He had one arm and it was chopped in half, so she automatically said no.
Dozens of years later, the guy is the richest in the whole region and is still regretting not marrying him when he proposed her. Not that her marriage is a failure, but she thought she could have much more... So you seriously need to work on yourself and your smv and keep it going on.
Good luck out there boi
helaughsinhidden 5y ago
Ok, I have an idea. Write up some comedy material and go to an open mic night, or copy another comedian's routine. Why? To get over you fear of cold approach and get used to practicing. It's all practicing anyway. If you bomb, it's because the delivery was shaky or they just didn't like the joke. CA is the same. Maybe they didn't like the line, maybe you were too nervous, maybe they are shallow and you dodged a bullet. Either way, overcome that fear. If you can do 10 minutes in front of strangers, 10-30 seconds trying to talk to a woman you've never met before and probably will never see again seems pretty non-threatening.
​
KumonRoguing 5y ago
You're in better shape, gym wise, than many guys around here and within the world. I just wanna acknowledge your achievement in that.
menial_optimist 5y ago
Thanks. I'm not where I want to be in size yet but I keep working at it.
Khiv_ 5y ago
You're a fucking winner dude, congrats on staying motivated to improve.
I don't have any particular tip for you except keep lifting, keep working on yourself. I'm glad that you have a job and are taking care of your own life.
You should certainly read those books, and keep socializing. The information in the books and TRP is only truly learned once you start observing it in real life.
Good luck! Appearances certainly count a lot in our society, and not just when it comes to scoring women. But if you can work around your disability, or rather learn to work with it as you have been doing, you can become someone amaziing and distinguished, if not unique.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
menial_optimist 5y ago
Right on, fucking doing it.
budfox26 5y ago
Best answer here.
CalvinRichland 5y ago
"Lift in the gym not the bedroom" bro yiu are funny AF. Im stealing that line.
I think you are being honest with yourself and know it's gonna be a tough game banging high. Not fat is a reasonable standard. Keep working on yourself.
_thechinaman_ 5y ago
Guy with physical disability is still Savage as fuck
chachaChad 5y ago
A s
TheLanternFlame 5y ago
Just do positivity outlook in life, there are some men (look at Sean Stevenson) who own their disabilities, conquered them, and get 9s as gf/wife/plate. It's how your see the outlook in your life.
onlinehumzu 5y ago
You've posted the same post 6 times
abdolfhitcoln420 5y ago
It’s over for deformedcels
menial_optimist 5y ago
How's your own sex life going mate? Do you have work to do?