I am an alcoholic at this point. I drink 4-6 days a week. Atleast 6 beers. Sometimes 12. I have had successes in my life in terms of finances, women, physique etc. But right now I find myself in a place where the alcohol is taking over everything. I can't seem to care about those other things. All I care about is my paycheck and getting that 12 pack/bottle of whiskey. I hate being a drunk. I am stressed constantly while I am drinking, to the point where people will comment that I am stressed while I drink more than other times. The next day my self esteem is so low, I can hardly go to work. I look forward to natural disasters so I can stay in bed and just get up and get drunk in the evenings. The shame is overwhelming.
I still remember the first time I drank, at age 17. That was the best experience in my life at that point. Better than sex. I am about to me 28 now. I feel it's been too long, living this miserable lifestyle. I want to actualize my potential. I want to be satisfied with my existence. From morning 9 am till 6 PM evening, I am on board with this thinking, but then something else takes over. I can literally see a different personality take over and drive myself to the liquor store.
I am getting fat, lazy and brain-fogged. I fear these are only going to get worse as I get older, if I don't stop the drinking. Please tell me how I can do it. Please don't post ideas that you have read somewhere, as I have read plenty of them myselves, but post methods you have seen/experienced succeed. Is there a plan, like there are for workouts? I just want a structure I can follow and liberate myself from this self created hell.
[deleted]
LeonBarosanul 5y ago
I am going to rant a bit, so bear with me.
My background, because i come from a position of "authority": I consider myself being an alcoholic, it's 10 in the morning right now here, i downed 200ml of vodka and just went to the local store to buy a 500ml beer to drink now, before going to work. I have no trouble in downing a drink right after i wake up, and before brushing my teeth. I am trying to fight this, but it does not seem easy right now.
As a bonus, i had a stroke some years ago, and i have epilepsy now, theoretically I can't drink but I am still doing this, even though i had some seizures because of this. This is why i think it can really get you out of control in a very bad bad way.
I think that the first step in fighting alcoholism is acknowledging that you have a a problem. A lot of people seem to have trouble here, so you are off to a right start, props to you.
My personal step two is to understand the beast. I am researching how alcohol is affecting your brain, what is creating the cravings, and what makes one drink. If we put a lot of effort in learning the human psyche it seems natural to understand this as well. This step is also difficult as it can easily get you in a mode when you are just reading and thinking that you are doing something about it (a recurrent problem brought up every now and then on RP). But, in defence of this, i saw a Youtube video of Craig Ferguson explaining his recovery from alcoholism. The most important lesson for me in there was him saying that some people just can't handle alcohol (that would be us), and current hospital treatment programs, where they are keeping you in there for a couple of weeks and then dismiss you as 'being cured', are being irresponsible, because fighting alcoholism requires a LIFETIME OF VIGILANCE. Fuck AWALT, hypergamy, Game, AFBF, all that shit, this was the thoughest pill for me to swallow. Personal anecdote that kind of validates this: before having the stroke i acknowledged the problem and went to my local psychiatry hospital for help and/or guidance, i was put in a room with a MD and approx. 20 students. I explained to the MD that i might have a problem, and when i told him that my father is an alcoholic too, he, totally disregarding the fact that there were a lot of students there, said emphatically to himself, but loud enough for me (and probably everyone attending) to hear: "oh, fucking shit" (bagami-as pula, for Romanian speakers). That was an eye opener, so yeah, check yourself, but don't blame your circumstances.
The third step is, it seems, to quit it altogether. Better asume that you can't handle it and avoid it altogether. I managed to quit drinking alcohol after the stroke, for 1,5 years, and to be honest, I felt WAY better then. Parties, nights out and music festivals seemed more boring though, but it was a small price to pay,for the benefits, and I plowed through them. It was awesome to feel fresh, to forget how it feels to have a hangover, to finally see your cheeckbones and have a flat stomach, even if it wasn't muscular. The RP and it's subforums have a ton of comments regarding the benefits of quitting. Assimilate those, and disregard the "benefits" (if one can handle 2 drinks, fine, but a lot of people go overboard very easy).
A common theme in my search for answers was the point when you negotiate with yourself when the craving starts. "i think one drink won't do me any harm, let me try this once and then i'll quit etc." This moment is fucking crucial, and to prep for this, create some sort of journal; write up your personal NEGATIVE experiences while drinking/how you are feeling afterwards, and be totally honest with yourself. downplay your positive drinking experiences, you are fighting this beast, do not forget this! try to remember your best sober self, I am fucking sure you had your moments, and write those down. When this negotiation process starts, start reading the journal, and program your brain (NLP is the term?) to realise that alcohol is bad for you.
Another thing that i discovered on this fine dark corner of the internet, is applying the Sinclair Method. PLEASE research it. From reading comments on related articles, this might be a final solution, in a good way. If I still continue to slip I will switch to this.
Gotta go to work, 200ml of vodka and one beer down, and i have to take my anticonvulsive meds. Haha, call me a demagogue, but I am fighting the good fight. See you on the sober side, brothers!
Morphs_ 5y ago
Meditation can help a lot here. Meditation is literally a training of observing yourself while doing nothing. I'll learn to observe only and not act upon whatever you discover in yourself.
So why is this to relevant? Because you need PRECISELY THIS SKILL to quit alcohol. It requires you to think consciously and observe your cravings while not acting upon them. Since you're pretty deep in the alcohol-pit so to speak, it's going to be a big task to climb out.
Of course it's good to distract yourself as much as possible, start taking up lifting/sports. But there WILL be times where you will be challenged (especially social settings with alcohol, you should avoid these for some months). In these moments your meditation experience will kick in and pull you through.
salinorum 5y ago
The key to changing a habit is not to extinguish it but instead to replace it with a new, healthier habit. It typically takes 40 days of repetition to replace a habit. So, every time you want to drink, force yourself to go the gym instead, or read a book, or game woman, or swim some laps, or go for a bike ride. If you replace your habit with a new activity with a 40 day stretch of consistent dedication, you can defeat this issue no problem. I got faith in you brother!
I speak from experience, I used to smoke weed 24/7. I t was out of my control for 5 years straight. I finally decided to do something about it and started to hit the gym to lift weights, every single day. After a certain amount of time, going to the gym became my new habit and I finally have crushed my constant craving of weed. Nowadays, if I miss a day at the gym, it feels weird!
The key is to replace one habit with another. Good luck!
Joeboard 5y ago
Heroin addict here. Havnt touched the shit since new years eve 2012/2013.
Addiction is not east to overcome, it took me multiple detoxes, rehab visits, psych evals, medication and I still got high. I remember the day I finally gave it all up, I got into a horrible fight with my family. I was homeless, sitting in a dunkin donuts and just spent my last $2 on a coffee. I saw my reflection in the window and saw myself looking like shit, extremely underweight, horrible hygiene and i knew right then and there if I didnt change, I had maybe a year of life left.
Seek help. Alcohol withdrawal is bad, ive witnessed people going through DTs in rehab. Ive seen people seize up and crack their heads open. Its no joke.
You have to want to do this, you wont be able to stop because of other people.
Rehab is not fun, its a mix between highschool and jail, but at the very least youll come out with 30 days sober, a clear mind and a chance at a fresh new start.
gelstony 5y ago
Try reading "The easy way to stop drinking" by Alan Carr. Worked for me. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1402736479/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8
DownyGall 5y ago
For a while, I was drinking a fair amount, maybe a handle of whiskey or vodka a week and a half. I don’t drink as much as I used to. For me, i was drinking because I was unhappy and didn’t have anything to do. Drink and play video games. Worked a bit but it was play video games 4 hours a night. You gotta replace it with something else. With a mission. If you’re doing something, you won’t want to drink and you just won’t have the time to. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. That said, you may have a problem that is actual alcoholism, though I’d suspect you’re like most modern men where you’re an alcohol abuser. You’re unhappy and turn to the bottle. Alcohol abusers can cut down if they have something in their life.
With you, it’s probably just a habit. That’s what it was for me. Something’s gotta happen to break the habit. I don’t even know if I did it consciously or i just cut down. Who knows? Maybe someone would still call me a problem drinker. But you’re unhappy so change it.
geturcraptogether 5y ago
r/stopdrinking tends to help me, although I've relapsed recently. It's a uphill battle, but when I was sober, it was totally worth it.
Good luck bro
soldatz 5y ago
I personally don't believe that having "tough self-discipline" is enough to kick a strong addiction. We always find ways to rationalize our way back into it. So try this: watch your mental processes and mind-state closely to learn what triggers that trip to the booze store—and then short-circuit that process. What worked for me was knowing the urge to drink peaked right after work when I was the most tired and stressed-out. I knew that this urge would pass within 60 minutes or so, and if I could make it that long, I would be good for the rest of the night. What I did was fill my attention with another activity (yoga in my case) right when I was at that 5pm weak point. This helped reduce the craving immensely because my brain had some more pressing practical things to occupy itself with. The exercise lowered stress at work, which further lowered craving, which lowered boozing, which lowered stress, and so on. Get yourself into some positive feedback loops and be patient with yourself.
ReaperX44 5y ago
Quit cold turkey and replace it with lifting. It worked for me.
dgillz 5y ago
If you are an alcoholic stopping cold turkey can kill you. Alcohol and benzos are the only 2 drugs where the withdrawals can kill you.
thechaosz 5y ago
I love both too much.
Work_In_Progress92 5y ago
I replaced alcohol consumption with the gym.
One_time_back_when 5y ago
You would have to have a great amount of self-control to quit on your own. Have you successfully quit anything else in life you were seriously addicted to? You're probably better off getting help either professionally or in AA.
rp2626 5y ago
As someone else has said r/stopdrinking is great. A lot of people say that group has helped them more than AA. It's inevitable that you will become addicted if you drink heavily and often, the brain just adjusts to the alcohol until you crave it to feel normal. Anything you can do to reduce your drinking is a step in the right direction.
_Last_Man_Standing_ 5y ago
step 1: get high dose of magic mushrooms
step 2: close yourself in a room with blinds closed
step 3: take the shrooms
step 4: try to meditate and reflect on your drinking problems
step 5: no more addiction
_____________
this is how I quit smoking tobacco after trying every possible method in the book unsuccessfully...
maroonblood94 5y ago
This. LSD helped me quit alcohol.
Throwaway-242424 5y ago
People are going to counter-signal this but there were actually extensive studies done back in the 50's where treatment with classical psychedelics like LSD and psilocybin had a success rate 5-10 times that of AA.
_Last_Man_Standing_ 5y ago
yeah... there's loads of research if you dig a bit from 50's and 60's... Terence McKenna: Psychedelics Can Cure Alcoholism
here's the best website with resources there is if OP/anyone is interested: Erowid - Magic Mushrooms
interesting video about the nature of addiction: What is Addiction?
@OP - I understand that psychedelics are controversial and... well... illegal. xD
but If you seriously need help and if you already tried everything else unsuccessfully why not give it a spin and read/research a bit about it...
it works wonders...
gvntr 5y ago
100% is a breeze, 99% is a bitch.
In 35 years sober, I have never seen anybody quit permanently without AA.
When you go to AA, hit the program very hard from the start. Everything you've got. Total immersion. Go all in.
Do not half-ass it.
Don't worry about that "God stuff" and Steps and other high level things. That's someday/maybe stuff. Not a good excuse to avoid AA.
For right now, you go to lots of meetings, don't drink, and get active, get a sponsor, go out for coffee with members, etc. As many meetings as possible.
And do not fuck the girls at the meeting! It's a pitfall.
synthetic_kinetic 5y ago
This is the most useful comment in the whole thread.
gvntr 5y ago
Pitfall: you can safely assume that all the women you see at an AA meeting have BPD and/or some other serious personality disorder.
Easy and thrilling to fuck but they will make it much harder for you to stay sober.
[deleted] 5y ago
Well you’ve done the first step and have admitted you have a problem and that’s good. My dad was an alcoholic who kicked his addiction and has been sober for almost a decade. AA helped him a lot. Not just going to the meetings but spending time with his sponsor and talking about his struggles with him. So definitely seek out your local AA chapter. I know it is embarrassing and shit but you gotta try to turn this around.
My dad was in AA for 3-4 years before he finally quit alcohol all together. I hope you get the help you need.
JackStraw1972 5y ago
Better than sex what the hell is wrong with you
nomba 5y ago
Look for a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school near you and sign up. It’s tough to stop at the liquor store when you have to get to class.
bootruman 5y ago
Go to meetings. Period. Seen family members go through it and it really works. Again, as you have probably researched already: AA is a strange non scientific program based on religion and all kinds of other seemingly arbitrary bullshit, but the bottom line is that it is the statistically most successful way to rid yourself of this problem. I’ve been to a meeting with my mother once and it was pretty interesting... In conclusion: im not an alcoholic but my mother was and has been sober for years and is now actually a good mother/functioning human being, I think it is a pretty fuggin weird program, but the bottom line is that it actually works and if you want to try everything but AA then you may never get off it. Not saying its impossible! But uh... yea, it really does the trick if you go through with the program from what I’ve seen.
leredditarmy5000 5y ago
do a challenge. I quit drinking for 1 month. It was fucking brutal, but after that it was much easier to cut down. I then started drinking just weekends and socialization. I knew I needed more help so I am currently replacing regular weekend drinking with weed. I only drink during socialization now. Hope that helps
NexusReflexX 5y ago
Hey man. Im sober going on 3 weeks now (legally i have to be, i get tested twice a week).
I would go out wed-Saturday and game girls and drink. Its what i did.
Id wake up at 9 somedays for work feeling like shit. My manager told me one day thay she could smell the liquor on me the next day at work, even after a shower. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
Some things i found out to male quitting easier:
Dont stop going out. This is huge. If you end up not going out because you drink, and instead stay at home, youll go crazy. Im all for self improvment and reading and all that, but you need to get out of the house.
Dribk something other than alcohol. My drink of choice is club soda, cranberry and a lime. Its refreshing and good, without TOO much sugar ibtake (splash cran).
Realize the benefits. After a week of not drinking, i already noticed i was sleeping better. Id go to sleep easier and actually stay asleep throughout the night.
Do other shit. When you dont drink, you are no longer nursing hangovers everyday until 3 or 4 pm. Find shit to do. Im currently looking into soccer games around my area and getting a bmx bike. I started doing yoga and love it. Not having a hangover will allow you to do things youve always wanted tp do, but cant because itd interfere with your drinking.
Lastly, dude, im a fucking rockstar with women now. Im sober and confident, it makes them go crazy. Ask a girl out for drinks, then dont order an alcoholic drink, and she is instantly curious as to why. At first id explain my legal situation, but that got tedious as EVERYONE asks, no now i say "i dont drink" and when they ask why "i just dont" and leave it at that.
Good luck mate
Corvus_Uraneus 5y ago
You can't replace a habit with simply not doing it. You will need something else in your life. What has worked for others may not work for you.
I know exactly what you mean about a different personality taking over. In the mornings you're feeling the effects and are regretful. Its easy to tell yourself "Not drinking tonight" then. Less so when you feel better in the evening and there is a liquor store on the way home. "What else am I going to do tonight?" I'd say. A dry evening appears to suck from that point of view, but when the night is over after being sober all day you realize sobriety isn't that bad, IF you have something else in your life going on.
What worked for me was bringing gym clothes to work. When its time to clock out, I change. For some reason this made going to the gym after work MUCH easier than if I got home 1st, changed, and had to make a decision between it and that sweet sweet cold one I could have instead.
If I have a single drink, I'm not working out. That was my problem, also since I drank at home I began to associate thirst with needing another drink. Getting the booze (hard stuff) out of the house helps. Switching to a stronger craft beer that I only had 3 of rather than a sixer of piss beer also helped me with quantity discipline.
I'm not completely sober now, but I'm no where near the drinker I was years ago.
Qazreddit99 5y ago
Go to your regular doctor and get a full checkup and get physical well-being confirmed.
Find a local AA and stick with it. Find a sponsor and a damn good one.
Cultivate discipline to quit.
bobbilly641 5y ago
this
[deleted] 5y ago
I'm an alcoholic and have now been sober over 10 years. I was like you. Hating myself. Waking up feeling like shit every day, saying to myself I was not going to get drunk that day then doing it later. Having such a high tolerance that drinking enough to get drunk was ruining my physical health. I couldn't picture my life without alcohol and I was sick of having it take me over.
AA and a good counselor / sponsor broke the cycle. There are also 'cognitive behavioral' groups with people recovering from substance abuse. AA is not the only source of support. It sounds like you're ready to stop - and that's a good thing. It sounds crazy, but you have to see yourself as a non-drinker. Not a drinker that's doing well by not drinking today. That's one of the tenants of AA I disagree with. I do however know I will always have the potential to let alcohol take over my life again if I let it.
Just google where the AA central services office is near you. Go pick up some of the literature. You don't have to make a meeting ever if you don't want. But read what they have to say. Also, don't base your opinion of AA on one person that you knew, or even one meeting location. Each location has it's own personality and regulars.
I wish you the best. I know how that trap you're in, feels. Don't get angry or depressed - just get sober and take it one day at a time from then on.
Buckeye1234 5y ago
AA
Terminal-Psychosis 5y ago
It's been proven that 12 step groups like AA don't work any better than just quitting on your own.
Basically, someone wants to cut down to a reasonable level, or even quit entirely...
or they don't.
[deleted] 5y ago
Okay thanks
gvntr 5y ago
I've never seen it, somebody getting sober and staying sober long term without AA. I've seen thousands of people fail over the years.
I'm going to the same small meeting for 30 years. Every month we get at least one newcomer like the OP. Usually they come for only one meeting, then go back to drinking. Some half-ass their AA, acting like they have all the time in the world to get sober.
About once a year we get one guy that gets it, works hard and manages to get sober and stay sober.
1 in 12, that's close to the 7% statistical success rate for recovery
So, if you are the OP, you gotta ask yourself, "Am I one of the lucky 7%?"
[deleted] 5y ago
It’s not for everybody. But if somebody is looking for a place to start and wants to quit, AA is there. It’s about sobriety even if it’s temporary. AA can provide hope and some concepts that foster recovery if it’s taken seriously.
gvntr 5y ago
Getting sober is not for every drunk. People say they want to get sober but lack the willingness to do whatever it takes.
FixYourselfFirst 5y ago
You are unlikely to solve this on your own. Seek some help with a detox organization. Check with your insurance provider or primary doctor.
Retstortion 5y ago
Bro, stop drinking.