So im in a LTR..she is post wall (37) its been 2 years. We both have great careers. I got hit with some life altering news a few weeks ago. I didnt really want to have kids yet but now I think its time to start planning it out because to be honest Im not sure how much time I have left (situation is not that bad but its still serious) or how great my life quality will be going forward.
To note she is a decent woman we have a good relationship. I would prefer to have kids with someone younger but you know shit just happened this way and now I have to play the hand I have.
- I still have some plates around who are younger (mid 20s) but I have to be honest kids with them would be either A) a nightmare B) Financial Instability if things went south with me. I know if i had kids with my current LTR they would live comfortably even if I wasn't in the picture.
2 Questions
- How to approach the topic of kids? ( I know she wants kids)
- Whats the risks of having kids with her being her age? Im not sure if women can freeze there eggs like men can freeze there sperm but if so Im sure she has already done this. (excuse my ignorance)
babaner1 6y ago
Well her biological clock is ticking, so she would most likely want it. At her age getting kids can be a difficult thing to get. And it will only get harder when she becomes older, If you really want kids, then go for it, but beware, have backup plans, if you are going to marry her, she might eventually divorce you in a later path, always plan for that future, planning is key. My recommendation is that you get kids but dont marry, marrying nowadays is just a burden as it is a curse. Its sad that this is the reality, but its the reality nonetheless.
So if i were you, i would get her pregnant but not marry, dedicate your life to yourself and to raising this kid.
redvelvet_oreo 6y ago
100% agree dude. I am not marrying her. She already knows this but I think she still thinks there is some kind of hope but def not. I learned to much from this sub. Looking back so many people I have worked with told me to stay away from marriage...I always thought they were joking lol.
babaner1 6y ago
Good that you see it, also expect many saying not to get kids, many here are very nihilistic and can give you that advice depening on their own views, however if you are financially stable and if you wanna do the prime duty of a man, then go for it. Just dont rush, and if you know she still has hope it means that she will try to lure you into that trap, once you enter it, theres no way going back.
redvelvet_oreo 6y ago
Thanks for the input man.
sadomasochrist 6y ago
She missed her fertility window, don't. Wrong woman.
creating_my_life 6y ago
Having kids was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I love them dearly, but my life would be so much more awesome if I never had them.
Above about 34, and especially 37, risk of birth defects including Downs goes up dramatically. Same with losing the baby weight, energy, etc.
redvelvet_oreo 6y ago
I was trying to wait until I was 35 but life apparently has other plans. Im sure once you put kids on this earth your life changes dramatically.
When did you have kids?