I've known this guy for about 14 years, let's call him Dale. One-on-one things are pretty chill but I've noticed every time I hang around that guy lately when we're with other people he tries to flex nuts on me (dismissing things I say or flat out ignoring me, cutting in front of me in line to get food, etc, just a lot of disrespect).
For example we were out yesterday drinking, a mutual friend of ours ended up covering the first drink tab, so then Dale buys his food to get even with him, second drink tab comes and he pushes it on me. Fine, it's my turn no big deal. Third tab comes and I'm like "alright you're up". He refuses to cover my drinks. Mutual friend ends up grabbing that one too. Finally at dinner I was able to get him to cover my drinks, but not after some complaining from him.
This is a guy that I let use my home gym every week, and help him out with his computer issues all the time. Which before that was just me doing favors for a friend, but now I just feel like I'm being used, and I'm not even sure if I want to keep doing favors for this guy cause clearly he views me as someone much lower on the totem pole.
My problem really is that I'm too nice, but then there's my question, how do I handle this situation without being a bitch or weird about it?
BPasFuck 7y ago
Your new favorite word needs to become 'no.'
You've been so busy saying 'yes' to this guy, (and probably many other people too) that you've lost sight of how to say 'no,' without it feeling awkward.
To help you get used to your first answer to any question always being 'no,' you have the follow up phrase 'I will.'
For example: 'Manchooses, I'm coming over to use your gym tomorrow.'
"No. I will be unavailable until next week." (or whatever)
You don't owe anyone any more of an explanation than that. And feeling as if you do, is bitch thinking.
The more you do this sort of a thing, and variations of it, the less weird you will feel about it. I promise you, that shit's all in your head.
50shadesofsigma 7y ago
I'm going to start doing this shit
ManChooses 7y ago
yeah you hit the nail on the head, thanks for the reply man
[deleted] 7y ago
I enjoy the fact that you chose Dale as his name
NYLON_G 7y ago
Make yourself a bit less available for his bullshit would be a start. Why you are allowing his misbehaviours is something only you know. You dont have to help him with jack shit. You dont have to make your gym available, in fact you could just decide you are going to do different things altogether.
Your call, but you have to have some spine here. Dont challenge walk away and let him recognise the error of his ways. If he does you can say that he pissed you off and that if it happens again he is on his own, but standing up for yourself is lesson numero uno.
[deleted] 7y ago
Go out drinking with this guy, be sure to have a strong drink in your hand at all times (something 80 proof or higher with nothing mixed and no ice). Also carry cigarettes and a lighter. At some point in the night, as you are making small talk, pretend you are lighting a cigarette and spill the drink down the front of his pants and in the same motion, ignite the liquor with your lighter (pretending to aim for the cigarette). Perhaps stumble a bit for effect like you are buzzed. As he is standing there with his nuts on fire you just walk away smirking.
[deleted] 7y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 7y ago
Pretend to spill a drink on him & set his ballz on fire.
Smigg_e 7y ago
Pretty self explanatory. Not sure why that guy didn't get it.
GunPostal 7y ago
He's a sociopath.
http://m.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath
He wants validation and to feel superior. He is afraid to show vulnerability so he masks it by being a douche and you smell like the perfect victim because you are willing to be nut on. It's either completely cut him from your life or you print out an article about sociopaths, give it to them and tell them to get some theraphy because he is making you uncomfortable and you will not lend him your gym until he begins to learn some empathy.
DadOnDabs 7y ago
I would say he sees you becoming better than him and can't handle it so he's trying to put you down.
jm51 7y ago
That has some pros. Letting new friends get away with small shit early on is a super quick way of filtering out the dross. Good people don't take advantage like that.
The con is:
You can't. You're either going to be his little bitch or (according to him) a cunt. Telling him, and others like him in the future, to fuck off will make you feel uncomfortable until you realise that people like this are well used to being told to fuck off. It's water off a ducks back to them.